Wednesday, September 14, 2016


I am fixing to slap somebody y'all.

As your reading this I am probably sitting in Oz, seeing another wizard.

If you know me you know this means I am on yet another medical adventure.

Since my issue is not "common" and I live where good Doctors play golf not Practice medicine, I am shuffled about  and get the joy of paying to explain my condition, the symptoms, related problems, affects and treatments for my condition to these fantastical wizards.  

Inevitably it always goes one of 2 ways.  

 THE FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE !  They nod and act as if they have a clue but can't even pronounce it then leave the room and come back with questions and a bunch of crap they printed off the internet because I can see the url and they are not pronouncing the words correctly.   

Reaction 2-
THE WTF? FACE ! - These are the ones who you can visibly watch the blood drain from their faces as you calmly and with a splash of humor explain what's up.  They then ask you what the treatment is and what they should do.

I actually had a Dr google it in front of us one time.  AWESOME.

Saturday, November 28, 2015

Teeth + South = stereotype

In case you didn't know. I live in the south.  It's really hard to get any further south than where I live.  Other than Florida but it doesn't count as the south because even though it's geographically lower than where I live, it is actually socially north or here.

So 20 years ago I despised kids/parents  who acted out of control because clearly I was awesome at parenting. To teach me a lesson Karma gave me my oldest son and I realized I am a powerless idiot.

18 years ago I went to the gym 5 days a week, walked every night and associated fat with lazy
To teach me a lesson Karma gave me a medical issue that pumps me full of steroids so I am constantly have to hire handlers like a Macy's Thanksgiving Parade balloon.  Seriously between the steroids and the sudden total lack of physical activity combined with the comfort food instead of Xanax  I am pretty sure I will be hiring a handyman to install double doors in my house

15 years ago I was so happy to have my very first NEW car.  Because I always drove serious POS.
To teach me a lesson Karma has arranged for that new car to still be my car with no chance of upgrade and a timing belt that has slipped.

10 years ago the business my husband and I started to get major contracts with our company thus providing us with a monthly salary that was hire than my younger years annual salary.
To teach me a lesson, Hurricane Katrina wiped out most of our clients and then the BP Oil Spill finished them off.  So we are back to working for others and paycheck to paycheck.

5 years ago I was astounded at the absolute lack of straight, white teeth around the area.  I was like, "seriously?  hello?  toothbrush/dentist/flouride".
To teach me a lesson Karma let M&M's with pretzels knock out my tooth

This past Friday night.  One of my Blog Buddies came to town and I invited them to stay here.
and my tooth flew out of my head while we were talking and she actually had her 7 year old daughter help me by crawling around on the white tile floors to look for my white tooth.  

Oh yeah it's official.  My IQ has dropped,  ass widened, and toofless.  I am officially from the south now.

Friday, October 23, 2015

Saying F u seems too nice

I consider our life pretty good.  My husband spent 20 years serving our country.  He made a hair over minimum wage,  doing what he was told,  and at any moment we would have moved where we were told to do what job he was told to do and work for whatever boss he was told to work for.  Our kids would have went to whatever school was there, and if need be he would have given his life in this service.  For a couple dollars over minimum wage for 20 years.  

I worked for the local Government, in various capacities, mostly public safety.  I also worked in a children's TBI rehabilitation hospital, and 1 year as a teacher at a Private Parochial school to work off my children's tutition when the schools in that area were too bad for my kids  to attend publicly, but private was far out of our budget.

We both attended college, but we both had to enter the workforce due to finances.  I went back, a few times.  My children were from my first marriage and my husband adopted them.  I always worked, but with the second one being "special needs"  it did put a strain on my career because there are a lot of meetings, and school, and doctors, and such.  When your husband is in the military he goes to as many as he can,  but in our family I felt it was my job to take the hit, and honestly even though I had the better sounding job. He had the "career" in the military.  So there were small gaps in my work history but nothing lengthy.

We never had money, in fact we were always renters, never knowing when or where we would go, both being divorced with bad credit,  the power bill was a struggle and we couldn't finance a bottle of water.  We shared the used little red Geo Spectrum I purchased and we started out marriage with nothing but 2 kids and a cat .

We started a little computer business from the dining room table in 1997,  and when he retired from the Military in 2000,  he got a great job with GTE that would afford us with some new and exciting things like a car with air conditioning.  At the same time our business took off.  Contracts came in and I worked 24/7,  GTE was sold to Verizon and he was picked up and  then BAM I was pregnant with a surprise baby, we had money, lived in a nice house and could buy not just a crib but a car seat too?   This was such a new concept.
Things went wrong and I spent 58 days in the hospital, my  husband worked, and took care of the older kids, and "our" business which just like the little baby in my tummy kept growing fast.  

By the mid 2001 we had our 3rd child, 2 cars and solid contracts with our business that allowed him to leave GTE.   My father was ill and getting older,  we wanted the kids around him, so we moved back near that base where my husband had spent 20 years.  We rented a house while we built ours, we opened an office in the little country town and tried to introduce technology to the local businesses who acted as if we were speaking pig latin and selling snake oil.  But we had our large out of state contracts.

In January 2003 I did our taxes for 2002 and sent them off with the check.  I got a letter from the IRS saying they owed us money on 1999 and it had my 2002 check in it. They told me they couldn't take my 2002 check until we refiled out 1999 taxes and they paid us. Like a naive child I spoke with them, and I will never forget the male agent saying,  " oh yes Mrs Kirk, we are not Simon Legree,  we are just like you".   I am embarrassed to admit I had to look up who Simon Legree was.  When I did,  I wondered why he would use that term with me.   In the mean time I was trying to file taxes on 1999 which was 3 jobs and 2 moves in the past,  very difficult for me.  But I did it,  I sent it in with a note saying please apply the refund to my 2002 taxes that are due, and I waited.   In about 6 weeks I got a certified letter.  Saying I owed an ungodly amount of money, that the time to file 1999 taxes had expired by 41 days and I would not be credited for that year and now I had penalties on my 2002 taxes.  I called them up, because after all " they aren't Simon Legree"  I was told to pay over the phone or by mail within 30 days to avoid garnishment and bank holds.  It was an ungodly amount of money.  We wiped out everything we had ever put away for us, or our 3 kids and paid,  we paid Simon Legree and that day I vowed never to speak to them again, because we had just paid the IRS 70% of our total income prior to any deductions for the entire year.  No matter how bitter that taste. It was our duty.  I also swore from that point on, I would not attempt to do our own taxes,  or use some tax program or whatever.