Monday, May 30, 2011

Remembering to Say Thank you.....


The sun can not set a single day without me remembering in some small way to think of the price that they have paid.


Those so young that have left behind their childlike dreams and toys. All the little girls turn to women and men that spring from little boys.

The ones left behind are the moms and dads, the sisters the brothers, the young wives and soon to be mothers.

The families struggle on in a world that doesn't notice each day, yet they wait for the next word from the the piece of their heart so very far away.

So while we all get carried away with our own little worlds. So easy to do, if you could please take time to just stop and say.

Thank you.

From my Family to the Family of anyone who has every served or loved someone who served this country, thank you for your sacrifice for this country and the freedom around the world.

THANK YOU

xo


PEACH OUT




The original version of this video by J.M. Studios Can be found on You-Tube

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Yeah you enjoy that mkay...

Dear Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me any more; whatever the
case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to W est Virginia together! Have a great life!

--------------- ------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.

When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I t urned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica , but when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Your Ex-Wife, Rich as Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem .




OH how I love things like this....


XO

PEACH OUT

Monday, May 23, 2011

I got more pricks than A Porn Star also here's a pic of my beaver.

Ok this shit is getting old in a super fast way.

As most of you know on the 10th I drove myself to the E.R. like a big twatwaffle because I was having a heart attack. I never had a heart attack  before and since I wasn't in a junk yard, and didn't have chest pains to be fair I wasn't 100% sure it was indeed a heart attack.

The Military in true fashion  had 1 dude that finished the last couple weeks of school and he was playing golf or having an affair or whatever so they sent me to the civilian equivalent to a Gold fish Doctor where they cathed my heart on my daughter's 22nd birthday. I was awake for the beginning of the heart cath and I don't really recommend that for anyone except maybe a couple of those hyena bitches from "The View",
Click here and read - A nut in the Hand
anyway I wrote about it here, because I grabbed the Italian GoldFish Doctor by the nutsack.. He prescribed a medicine and we pretty much left thinking I had dodge another bullet and was rocking the heart with the kick butt sexy brain and it was all just gravy. Went to daughters grad, worked overtime trying to make up some funds, because MENSA man can't balance a budget any more than he can shave hair off a moldy dish he leaves laying in the sink for 3 days. Then went and watched the prince rock his county baseball tournament. Each day I got more and more tired. The fatigue was kicking my butt. But my days needed to be longer, going from 17- 19 to 21 hours. I had to catch up, I was becoming slower so my days had to become longer. I was tearing it up like a herd of turtles.

Ok actually I couldn't take more than 10 steps without panting like a freaking fat hog who just ran a 10 k with a hoho on a stick in front of her face. I saw my PCM ( which means Primary Care Physician even when they aren't always physicians, and most of the time they don't really care. I expressed to her like 15 times that I was extremely exhausted and it was getting worse, and I was worried. But my nearly a Doctor if she went to school for 10 more years and was over 17 years old  said that's what happens with stress ( wtf you turd?)  so I guess I am ok right? The only stress I have is the inability to communicate with you jackholes.

Long story short between they screwed up meds, and me trying to catch up from the time out from the heart attack ( which I called an event last week so as to play it down)  and the "almost nearly a doctor" blowing me off,  I almost nearly ate dirt in a permanent  fashion this past weekend.

Thankfully the droid was home.  I took a nap, ( rarely happens)  on Saturday because I am in a state of constant exhaustion.  I woke up with back pain. ONLY.  However,  since I have been in a state of permanent exhaustion he pulled the 'FUCK THIS" card,  and took me to the Emergency room.

They scooted me straight back to the E.R. where my first labs and EKG came back awesome but they admitted me because it can take up to 12 hours for the Troponin ( or whatever enzime shows in your blood that you had the heart attack) to show up.  Mind you neither time did I have chest pains.
Click here So you don't die, read this almost PSA by me  This time I didn't even have the jaw pain or sweats, or shakies, or dizzies, or nothing.  But the Droid was here, and he doesn't feel like wearing a tie to a funeral or cooking for the prince until he's 18 if I die so he is protecting his investment so he made me go.

They admitted me, and requested my records from the other civilian/ Goldfish hospital/doctor/popped nut Italian hottie guy.

Come to find out,  it   I win the bet against the Droid.  I do have a freak heart.  So nee nur.   Unfortunately it's  nearly as jacked up as my brain, which is as whiggidy whack as my attitude.  I have super small aterieries, and  some type of spasm issue which I guess makes me a spaz.

INSERT WORD AWESOME HERE- ___________________________________--
Because I am actually a freaking spaz.

The medicine they gave me the Goldfish Dr messed up and shouldn't have given me because I have low BP and low heart rate and dude gave me stuff to lower it.  That will teach me to pop a Dr's nut YO.   Yeah he may have been sitting on frozen peas but I kept eating tile flooring and stuff. Then the military Docs kept blowing me off, you know cause,  I don't look or act sick.  Apparently the hospital is based on theatrical abilities not medical issues.

So I spent my weekend in the Military hospital finding out the Goldfish people knew my heart was 47 levels of jacked up,  yet they did nothing other than give me a medicine that could have killed me.  The PCM ( nearly almost a real doctor who is looking forward to being able to vote next year and drink in a couple years)  blew me and my complaints off even though she was handed the medicine.

My care is now handed over to a team of actual Dr's in Internal Medicine and Genetics.   My bloodwork was drawn every 2 hours, I am on 5 new medicines which brings my daily total to 23.  This time I am actually going to listen and be on bed rest. Because in the grand scheme of things I would rather be dead broke then just dead. I have been digging in the couch cushions broke before. Hell I have been, "wish I owned a couch!" broke before, so it's no biggie. Alive is so much more cool. I spent 2 years of my life adjusting to this crazy brain crap and    yesterday I have coronary artery  disease, some blockages, some spasms, some super small arteries, I think they found out that the smurfs butt rocking Gargamel live in my heart who knows.


Your tweets, dm's, facebook posts, and emails mean a LOT.  Honestly I adore all of you crazy folks.
I have just as much hair on the dishes in my sink as I do on my floors. I am not spending much time on facebook or twitter.  I miss everyone but I really want to dance at my daughters wedding one day,  hold my yet to be dreamt up grandchildren and watch the prince who is 10 graduate.  Those things are far off in the future and damn it I intend to be here.   They say this shortens my life, whatever, they told my dad in 1987 he had 6  months.

So the entire " lifes a journey not a job thing,  take it serious folks,  rock every day, and who gives a crap if your socks don't match, or you spilled that lunch down the front of your shirt.  Rock it !


xo

PEACH OUT

**  Due to popular demand to see my 1/2 shave monkey/ beaver/groin   just like the 80's in Daytona totally free of charge.   These bruises were just from the first hospital stay.  honestly now I look even more like Violet Beauregaurde,  it's very sexy.   Very Very Sexy.

Don't you wish your Beaver was hot like me.  doncha, doncha..

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Welcome to the family, finally....

Dear House-

I remember when I used to dream about you. Living in a camper with my kids working 2 jobs and going to college.  

I remember going through tons of blueprints, looking for what would become our home one day. 

I remember planning in advance so the house would ALWAYS work for us. ( because nursing homes always smell like poo)

I remember when you were being built and how I told everyone that I just wanted you done, and then they would have to pry the keys from my dead hands to get me out, using a couple tow trucks.

I remember picking out furniture that would make each room "just right"  and when we ran out of money and credit dropping into Guidos rent to own.

I remember allowing each kid to actually paint and furnish their own rooms ( finally)  ( see huge mistake).

I remember how I wouldn't let the Droid mount a dish on you or put an antenna up on you because for a Geek he can go all Jed Clampet

I remember how you let me sleep in my daughters room the first 2 weeks she was gone to college and her bed wraps around you like a burrito shell.

I remember how proud I was that I had double equity in you over your debt because I did things the right way,  boy was that glory short lived

I remember you taking a beating during a 2005 hurricane season.  That's when I found out you didn't have wood under your siding, and your chimney was toe-nailed on by 3 nails. 

I remember the kids being proud to bring their friends to see you because it wasn't a camper and there weren't any wheels under you or anything.

I remember hearing a violin, a trumpet, drums, and singing bellow from the upstairs, which was torture beyond all belief sort of like a bag of kittens being beaten with a hammer.


I remember the first hole in our wall and the time I flooded the master suite and closets so bad we had to tear out the carpet, the "first " time I flooded it.  why has no one invented a your shit is about to overfill alarm ( consider that idea copyrighted as of this second people)

and now you are just a filthy  banged up in need of attention money sucking, upside down huge mortgage having pain in my ass.

I am so glad you stopped out shinning me and decided you wanted to be more like me.  every level of fucked up.

Welcome to the family you big piece of shit.

No idea who to credit for this since a reader sent it to me. Thanks you rock,
Also did you notice we make our house wear the red shirt on  away missions, heh. stupid house.


XO 


PEACH OUT

Sunday, May 15, 2011

A nut in the hand is better than 2 in the Bush

You know what's NOT awesome?   A fucking heart attack.   Oh yeah other things suck, like a flat tire, being late for work or a speeding ticket.   But I have to tell you guys, a heart attack ranks right up there with an IRS anal probing and shit.


Here's a quick run down.


  • Tuesday Morning I had a heard attack.
  • I drove myself to the E.R. after I posted, answered emails, showered, fed the dogs, and moved the clothes to the dryer.
  • The military E.R. Dr is a fucking douche and actually had the fucking balls to say that since I drove myself, walked in, and was telling jokes that he didn't think I had a heart attack it was probably a panic attack. ( do people tell jokes when they have panic attacks? I ask since I have never had one and should know in case I do have one so I don't bother any cocky E.R. Doctors.)
  • 5 minutes later the same Dr was helping cut off my clothes when my fucking blood work and tests showed I had a heart attack, now whose panicking bitch.
  • The Military base has a lot of Dr's but unfortunately only 1 of their heart Doctors went to the last 2 weeks of school, and he happened to be on vacation.  Go fucking figure.
  • The ambulance that came to take me to Civilian hospital was super cool, but the driver had a horrible stutter and The Prince thought the ambulance guy was kidding and kept giggling and I had an O2 mask on and an IV so I couldn't tell him to stop or grab him and it was like my husband didn't notice. So now I have to fucking make cookies or shit for that poor ambulance guy, even though he didn't say anything I was like FUCK, I can't die cause The Prince has no clue he's being totally NON PC right now. Damn it.
  • I should have eaten dinner Monday night or breakfast Tuesday morning before I went to the E.R. because I was NPO until Wednesday night and that sucked big and hard. 
  • Wednesday at noon I met my heart surgeon he was like 5'4 and Italian, and seemed super cool, he said he was sure my heart was awesome and he was just going to drive the camera up to take a peak. I know that was code for I want to see if your carpet matches your drapes.
  • I have a weakness for Italians.  So I was like sure baby, I mean Dr Olive whatevs.. wink wink.
  • I tweeted-  "gotta go I am going down"
  • apparently when people know you are in the hospital for a heart attack, you shouldn't use the words, "I'm going down"...   it caused quite the freak out.  whoops, my bad. 
  • I was totally fucking awake in the cath lab.
  • I told them I was totally fucking awake in the cath lab
  • All 3 nurses and the anesthesiologist ignored me when I told them repeatedly I was awake in the cath lab.
  • The have clear plastic things that come up over your arms from the shoulder down to your wrists on the table so that you can't move them in the cath lab.
  • Those would work great if you weren't awake in the cath lab.
  • I screamed in the cath lab when they clamped the drape to my stomach skin before they cathed my heart in the cath lab because I was FUCKING AWAKE.
  • When the little Italian Dr walked up to my right side to start the procedure in the Cath lab I mentioned I was awake and even said he didn't need to cath my heart because if I had a heart condition I would be having a FUCKING HEART ATTACK SINCE I WAS FUCKING AWAKE IN THE CATH LAB.
  • I felt the Dr grab up a chunk of my groin near my lovely lady bump and I said hey baby I been telling your people I am wide freaking awake here, please don't cut me I can feel everything.
  • then he cut me and I was wide awake.
  • The clear plastic things to hold your arms down probably sounded like a good idea in theory.
  • The Dr screamed, " She's got me"
  • The nurse screamed it's not sterile.
  • The anesthesiologist said, "wait, she's awake"
  • No fucking shit home pickle.  I hope the heart Dr punched the anesthesiologist in the dick.  
  • Right after he took the frozen peas off his popped nut.
  • I hope he already has kids, if not, sorry man, but you shouldn't cut a bitches groin until she is knocked out.  That hurts. mkay?
  • I lived. I'm home. Surgery was on my daughter Sam-I-am's Birthday, then she Graduated from her University on Friday,  ( of course I went, it totally rhymes with complete bedrest)  
  • Droid has restricted my online time, yet still wants clean clothes and food,  I can type from bed...  somethings seriously wrong with this picture.
That's it.  Now you know.  Thanks to all who loved up on me and my bruised groin and shit.....  you rock.


XO
PEACH OUT

**********************************************

Here are some of the get well posts/cards I have gotten, thanks guys, ya rock.

JC Little of @littleanimation  http://www.theanimatedwoman.com/2011/05/hearts4peachy.html

Absence of Alternatives of @SubWow
http://absenceofalternatives.com/2011/05/a-love-song-for-sandi.html

The ReckMonster of @ReckMonster  http://michellelcsw.blogspot.com/2011/05/quick-peachy-shout-out.html

Vicki of @VickiLikesFrogs  http://www.theglitterfrog.com/2011/05/get-well-soon-sandi.html

Holly of @MidWesternMamaH http://www.midwesternmamah.com/2011/05/for-fellow-blogger-prayers-postitive.html


Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Make my ATM talk dirty to me.- SAM I AM

In honor of the fact that my first born gets her 3rd degree ( which means the kid has shit tons of debt in a crappy economy and it's all my fault for making her go to college)  THIS FREAKING FRIDAY!   I thought it would be super cool to bring back some posts from her.

So here,  like it, love it, revel in her fucking genius.  She didn't learn this shit in college people.  Also tomorrow is her birthday.  Send her money, and super powers.

*****************



So there I was for the first time in my life SPEECHLESS....

See my 21 year old daughter had come home from college for a couple days, and we had to run by the banks for her. Yes I said the banks. Because apparently not only is my daughter a better person, a smarter person, a more sober person, she is also better with money, so much better that she uses 3 banks. Yes 21, putting herself thru college, and 3 banks. All with money in them? WTH?  How did this happen?  I am not looking a gift horse in the mouth here people, I support her success  whole heartedly I mean she is the one who will pick out and probably pay for my nursing home in a few years.

I don't know maybe she took my philosophy on how to be an adult, " just do the opposite of your parents". It seemed to work for me. I mean I got a kid in college, paying her own way legally and stuff and wow, she has all these bank accounts and no debt.. ( I know again with the WTH?).

If you have been reading along you have seen my praises about my daughter, and how she is so on track with the non drinking and non dating and not wanting to get distracted until she is done with college and secure with herself and  blah blah blah, basically the complete opposite of everything I did. Which was advance drinking 303, right before I changed majors 3 kabillion and five times before dropping out to become a proam drinker just a mere semester prior to the degree.  But alas life on the road was too much and I settled down.

So as we pulled up to the last bank she didn't need to go in she used the ATM and it asked her enough questions to determine the  color of her under garments and she was getting steamed.  Then it took too long to print out the receipt.   She the did the unthinkable as she jerked the harmless little piece of paper out.  She cursed at the ATM.

GASP

I said in my best Mommy voice, " Honey you know you're on tape when you use those ATM's ?"

She looked at me with a look like I had just insulted her intelligance then turned to the machine and started.



" To whoever is watching this.  As much as I pay you to babysit my money, as much as I pay you in your  fees, you need to know this.  I cussed at your machine. I didn't punch it, but I can. As much of my money as you suck away without providing me at the very least a human with a substandard IQ  to deal with I should be able to slap your machine around, and your machine should talk dirty to me, instead of just words on a screen I should get to select the voice and accent and an option to choose the level of filth I complete my financial transaction in.  In fact, I want to feel like I need a drink when I leave this ATM, I want it to be so Raunchy my ATM has a safe word. That would be customer service worth paying for."

She then drove away as if nothing had just happened.

Ok she is totally my daughter... and I want to be her when I grow up.

 dirty servant atm


That's my girl.

PEACH OUT !

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

A rose by any other name....





A woman walks into an  accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.  

The accountant says,  "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." He gets her name,  address, social security number, etc. And then asks, "What's your  occupation?"  

"I'm a prostitute,"  she says.  

The accountant is  somewhat taken aback and says, " Let's try to rephrase that."  

The woman says, "OK,  I'm a high-end call girl".  

"No, that still won't  work. Try again."  

They both think for a  minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer."

The accountant asks,  "What does chicken farming have to do with being a  prostitute?"

"Well, I raised a  thousand little peckers last year."

"Chicken Farmer it is"


So here's the moral of the story folks.   It's all about presentation and marketing...


XO


PEACH OUT

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

10 Reasons I would hump a Navy Seal



Top 10 Reasons I would Hump a Navy Seal

Step 1-Go to Google
Step 2-Click on Images
Step 3- Type in Navy Seals and hit enter  
Step 4- Drool and Awe


yeah  they are awesome.

But the number 1 reason is that I am a fucking patriot, and I feel it is my civic duty and I will due whatever I can to serve the men who serve my country.  Ahem,  nudge nudge, wink wink you know what I mean, because DAMN  them Seals are the Seals that club back. I would also go clubbing with a navy seal.   grawr...  yumm and   nom... drool.  



XO

PEACH OUT


Sunday, May 1, 2011

completely NON PC

First you must know this is Non politically correct as are 99.999999% things on this blog,  if you don't like that go to Being Peachy that's like 47% PC, or Disney that's like 54% PC.

Second-  whenever a conversation turns to natural disasters I say give me hurricanes,  even after living through so many I pick those because you have like a weeks warning.  NO OTHER natural disaster do you get that kind of warning. As a military brat ( kid) and then spouse ( retired)  I can pack and move an entire house and 3 kids, 2 dogs, 1 cat, 2 fish, a hamster, and a hermit crab in 2 days to another country. Bob knows I can snatch up our hurricane kit and everything that matters  along with booking a hotel room,  getting 60 days of prescriptions,  fill up gas cans, prime a generator, and get us all hauled up to a hotel which we call a vacation on the Weezie Jefferson Plan,  " Movin on Up".  You always head North !  Because if you go East or West,  the sucktastic storm will surfire track your ass and swing that way.  You head NORTH,  NORTH, do you hear me new-commers? NORTH.   You have a  weeks notice to go at least 4 hours NORTH!     But it appears each person loves their regions natural disasters as long as they didn't just have one. I guess it's like giving birth, the shitty memory fades just enough for you to tolerate it.

HURRICANES-  BEST NATURAL DISASTER EVER !   
(LEVEE'S BREAKING- APPARENTLY THE WORST )

So on my facebook wall there was this big debate and somebody in the central US said Oh I will stick with Tornadoes and after the massive tragedy that just struck the South East I am like NO WAY!  Then a Hawaii friend was all, " Volcano's are cool"  I was like are you shitting me lava sucks as Pompeii.  Then my  East Coast person chirped in with " Earthquakes are easy" ( I think she meant Barbie)

The only one of those I have dealt with ( other than hurricanes is the Tornadoes.  Can I throw in a big fat - TORNADOES SUCK ASS. Seriously as a kid I remember running to the old lady closet smelling basement which was kind of fun, and by fun I mean it was fun until the train noise made our house fall down on the basement and we had to get dug out.  They didn't have sirens but it busted into my cartoons and I told my mom and we had like 10 minutes to get in there.  It was a fucking miracle my mom was sober enough to fall down the stairs rather quickly since I lured her with a slow gin fizz.  Repeat- TORNADOES SUCK ASS !  My husband, The Droid was an Old time Tornado Chaser/Reporter in OKC.  No thanks.  I like the weeks notice thing. If you get hit by a hurricane.  Sorry it's your choice, let me say it again A FUCKING WEEKS NOTICE.

So then my brain ran off in the non PC direction and I came up with these questions for the earthquake people.

1-If you are having shitty sex,  and there is an earthquake, does the sex get better?  Would that make you think it's good and then would you give them another shot? Is it like the old Motel beds with "magic fingers"?  Where you slip a quarter in for the " good stuff?" Thus leading to a fake higher sexual rating.

2-If there is an earthquake and you jump on an unbalanced washing machine  does it counter act the earthquake thus making you think there is no earthquake? If so shouldn't you invest in a laundry mat?  or live near one?

3-If you have Parkinsons do you even know there is an earthquake?

4-Do Smoothie shops  save on their electric bills when there is an earthquake because their shit gets all shaken up for free?

5-Japan has been washing nuclear waste into the ocean since that huge earthquake.  What is the incubation period for Godzilla?




XO 


PEACH OUT

**  disclaimer-  I have the utmost respect and heartfelt sympathy for the people of Japan, the way they have handled themselves after this huge tragedy, also the people suffering from Parkinsons. So if you feel the need to flame me you are so totally wasting your time.  I wont care, unless you have Parkinsons and you happen to be  Godzillas mom and live in the Nuclear Power Plant in Japan while outrunning lava.  Honestly you don't want to play the pity or  card with me right now. Trust me.**

completely NON PC

First you must know this is Non politically correct as are 99.999999% things on this blog,  if you don't like that go to Being Peachy that's like 47% PC, or Disney that's like 54% PC.

Second-  whenever a conversation turns to natural disasters I say give me hurricanes,  even after living through so many I pick those because you have like a weeks warning.  NO OTHER natural disaster do you get that kind of warning. As a military brat ( kid) and then spouse ( retired)  I can pack and move an entire house and 3 kids, 2 dogs, 1 cat, 2 fish, a hamster, and a hermit crab in 2 days to another country. Bob knows I can snatch up our hurricane kit and everything that matters  along with booking a hotel room,  getting 60 days of prescriptions,  fill up gas cans, prim a generator, and get us all hauled up to a hotel which we call a vacation on the Weezie Jefferson Plan,  " Movin on Up".  You always head North !  Because if you go East or West,  the sucktastic storm will surfire track your ass and swing that way.  You head NORTH,  NORTH, do you hear me new-commers? NORTH.   You have a  weeks notice to go at least 4 hours NORTH!     But it appears each person loves their regions natural disasters as long as they didn't just have one. I guess it's like giving birth, the shitty memory fades just enough for you to tolerate it.

HURRICANES-  BEST NATURAL DISASTER EVER !   
(LEVEE)'S BREAKING- APPARENTLY THE WORST

So on my facebook wall there was this big debate and somebody in the central US said Oh I will stick with Tornadoes and after the massive tragedy that just struck the South East I am like NO WAY!  Then a Hawaii friend was all, " Volcano's are cool"  I was like are you shitting me lava sucks.  and the East Coast person was chirped in with " Earthquakes are easy"

The only one of those I have dealt with is the Tornadoes.  Can I throw in a big fat - TORNADOES SUCK ASS. Seriously as a kid I remember running the old lady closet smelling basement which was kind of fun, and by fun I mean it was fun until the train nose made our house fall down on the basement and we had to get dug out,  we had like 10 minutes to get in there.  It was a fucking miracle my mom was sober enough to fall down the stairs.  My husband, The Droid was an Old time Tornado Chaser/Reporter in OKC.  No thanks.  I like the weeks notice thing. If you get hit by a hurricane.  Sorry it's your choice, let me say it again A FUCKING WEEKS NOTICE.

So then my brain ran off in the non PC direction and I came up with these questions for the earthquake people.

1-If you are having shitty sex,  and there is an earthquake, does the sex get better?  Would that make you think it's good and then would you give them another shot?  Thus leading to a fake higher sexual rating.

2-If there is an earthquake and you jump on an unbalanced washing machine  does it counter act the earthquake thus making you think there is no earthquake?

3-If you have Parkinsons do you even know there is an earthquake?

4-Do Smoothie shops  save on their electric bills when their is an earthquake because their shit gets all shaken up for free?

5-Japan has been washing nuclear waste into the ocean since that huge earthquake.  What is the incubation period for Godzilla?




XO 


PEACH OUT

**  disclaimer-  I have the utmost respect and heartfelt sympathy for the people of Japan, the way they have handled themselves after this huge tragedy, also the people suffering from Parkinsons. So if you feel the need to flame me you are so totally wasting your time.  I wont care, unless you have Parkinsons and you happen to be  Godzillas mom and live in the Nuclear Power Plant in Japan while outrunning lava.  Honestly you don't want to play the pity or  card with me right now. Trust me.**