Monday, August 18, 2014

I lurv skool

The following is a  fictional rendition of a transcript of a phone call to the school where my teenager goes.   With this kind of leadership I am not shocked that our kids are zombies.  I want a lobotomy after this brief phone call.


Hello this is the glowstick of education.

HI,  my name is Slim Shady and my kid has "athletic"  tryouts today but I have a couple questions.

NO- high school is today and that they told the kids like 2 weeks ago they would try out on Tuesday.

well you sent home a paper Friday that says Monday,  and there's ONLY 1 team, the high school team,  so uh....   are you sure? 


 ok, tomorrow,  where is it?

 I don't know,

Who knows? 

 I don't know.

ok, I need to find out who knows where it's at?   

your kid can tell you when he gets back,

no no,  I want to know where he is trying out, maybe be there.

 parents can't ride  the bus,

no ,  we wouldn't ride the bus we were thinking of driving our own cars to watch try outs,

well the child has to ride the bus,

yes I understand I just want to know where it's at, what "facility",

they don't know,

no one knows?

not anybody I know knows.

oh, ok.  well maybe it's a magic bus then.   so anyway says he has to be there to LOAD on the bus no later than 330.  


ok, well can he just go on  down to Heart Attack burger Hut or should he just go straight to the high school to catch the bus.

he can't stay we don't' provide baby sitting.


we don't baby sit,

  if he needed a baby sitter I wouldn't be letting him get on some magic bus with unknown strangers to go to a location no one knows about.    he's a teenager,  do you actually work at the school or are you a volunteer ? 

 I work here. 

 oh ok,   so let me try it this way.  if he rides the bus,  he wont get home until 325,  he has to be at the high school to get ON the bus BY 330,  so clearly that wont work.   so can he just walk over and get on the bus that is in the parking lot in 10 minutes?   


Mam.  he's a teenager,  he crosses parking lots all day long, he's an 8th grader,  he doesn't require a baby sitter, maybe you are looking for another word.   do you understand that the note says the time and the location are where he will be within 10 minutes of each other?  and that unless I too own a magic school bus that can fly away there is no way to get him back to the school in that time..

Well if you want your kid to be an athlete for  The Hooterville Podunk Glowstick of Education, you will need to solve your own problems. 

  ok  so  "athletic" tryouts are tomorrow?  


he has to be at the high school by 325? 


ok.  well he wont be riding the bus home tomorrow so he can participate.

well you will need to come in to the school in person before 1pm to sign paper work saying he wont be a bus rider for tomorrow.

mam, it's after 1pm,

no 1pm tomorrow

can I send a note with him?  

no you have to come in person to sign a note saying you will be back to pick him up,  otherwise he has to get on the bus it's the law,

 oh ok,  so a phone call? email?  hand writeen note?  not good enough?

nope,  you have to sign it in front of us. 


yes really?  what else? 

 uh nothing,  I kind of feel bad for my kid though,  because you're not a helpful or kind adult and he is stuck around you 8 hours a day,  but I  guess thanks for your awesome customer service,  have you considered a job at ATT?