Monday, November 7, 2011

the protector of italian virginity....

So when I back that ass up, and drop it like it's hot there is one thing on my mind.  BILF's.

How to appreciate a whisper.........


30 Days of Thankful,  I am Thankful I am not writing that shit, I am also Thankful my husband can't lick his own balls,  this would probably lesson the amount of shit he would put up with from me from tremendous to pretty much zilch.

I really don't overtly enjoy  fucking Matt Damon.  Yes last time I "let" him get to third base while I was doing crossword puzzles he told me that Ben Afflack had a really discolored saggy ball sack and I was like, "uhm Matt, shut your freaking mouth and do your job asshole".

Also I was calling him an asshole not using asshole as a geographic location or destination, even for Matt Damon that shit is like all of the French Quarter Streets in NOLA,  ONE FREAKIN WAY.

It's about this...

Oh yeah,  this award is kick ass, and I got it from the one the only my KBC Cobra Sister, and Bling Zing Creator Extraordinaire,  THE RECKMOSTER !!  When I say this honey got taste I mean she can tell if there is a gram of tofu hidden inside a bucket of wasabi.  The mind ninja stuff with her sometimes make me think she's in my "cloud mind community".  I know she would never commit me unless there was a scooter in it for me.  If you don't know her, and if you don't have a piece of her jewelry in your protection arsenal well, I don't know if I can even lie enough to imply I will respect you in the morning.

Ok so in a totally non gender specific listing I give you my BILF's in no specific order because that's what they say on all the reality shows.

1- Absence of Alternatives-  uh duh, awesome, what's not to freaking love, hottie photo with wigs and shit,  and IQ of Mensa and body that makes Coyote Ugly weep with envy.  you should read or be beaten in the brain area.

2- That Darling Lil Nikki from MY CYBER HOUSE RULES ! She's my sweets with the French accent.  Cute cat masks and all.  Then she became a derby queen and disappeared and blames me but it's ok because I still love her not everyone can live on a sail boat and rock it...

3-  I love a GREAT GHOST STORY,  I mean honestly,  this chick is all over twitter, facebook, and bloggyland, yet she passes within 6 miles of my house nearly every month, has lunch in the same city some days, and we were even in the same hotel for 3 days in April YET I HAVE NEVER PSYCHICALLY SEEN HER.  What does this mean?  This means, this is where you get your paranormal grove on yall.  She's a down home cajun gulf coast girl, who knows her fais do do and can throw back a beignet while slamming down a hurricane, it's the possibly intoxicated Kim from Livefromthe205

4- My possible future Daughter in Law,  Meredith from Oh That Mer!  Wait she' can't be a BILF AND  a DIL.  oh lawdy,  wait, I live in the deep south I think by law I am required to actually make a family member present on this list, with that in mind, Mer, your on the list.

5- Everyone on here is artsy, craftsty, creative, athletic, so how could I leave out THE NEXT MARTHA, from THE MARTHA PROJECT,  I can't believe Martha Stewart hasn't attempted to shank this babe with her bedazzeled shiv hand carved by Tibetan monks from the femur of an Egyptian Llama,  but even if she tried she would fail, because MY Martha, the next Martha would heave a freaking empty liquor bottle at her and knock her ass out.  YO!

This was hard, I want you to know everyone on The Reckmonsters lists were also on mine because she stole them from my brain ahead of me so I couldn't pick them too, that is all, other than the fact that the guy playing the new Conan is currently making me Pumpkin cheesecake and he's using a whisk while he is naked.  Nice visual right?  yeah YOU. ARE. WELCOME.




Kim said...


LOVE IT. You can hump my leg anytime, my dear. XOXO. And you? Me? Mardi Gras? IT IS ON.

The Reckmonster said...

Damn you crack me up! It's frightening actually, how I can read the words you write and START to wonder what the HELL you're talking about - when a split second later, everything you say makes complete sense. I'm thinking our brains may have shared a placenta at some point in time somewhere.

The Absence of Alternatives said...

Ha ha. You said HARD. ;-) I am so honored to be on this list. And really, since I have failed to get on the MILF list, I am so so so happy I am finally on some *ILF list! Love you baby. The feeling is mutual, you know that right?

meredith said...

You think i'm still a blogger! Oh, happy day! I love you, sweetcheeks.