You down with CDC, yeah you know me - by the WHO

WEEK 2  OF THE MOST FUCKED UP  IMPORTANT SHIT STUDIES YOU WILL EVER READ MAYBE!


THE FACTS I WILL REVEAL IN THIS SERIES WILL GET ME

COMMITTED,  PICKED UP BY HOMELAND SECURITY

IN THE HISTORY BOOKS 

AT LEAST UNTIL THE EARTH ENDS.

As I revealed to you on last week only myself, (click here) Tom Hanks and Mel Gibson know the truth.  I am choosing to share it with you sans the stuffed beaver or best friend soccer ball head. 


I have spent   minutes,  hours, weeks, months,  years  researching the topic I am about to present you with and find that the following series will be the most fictitious conclusive argumentative  Scientific Study I have brought to you in at least a couple days, EVER.   The New York Times would  describes it as "Earth Shattering" and Wall Street Journal would say, " most enlightening series known to mankind."  if they were  tripping on LSD and buried in an under ground bunker with the only escape being writing what I say, they would probably have said that.

Just like a mommy logger giving away a $1.00 off coupon for huggies  first class national news programs.  I have the kind of dedicated dogs staff that will come through when it counts. This "BREAKING NEWS GRAPHIC"  should appear on your screen every 15 minutes as we flood you with utter speculation and misinformation  nothing but the facts. 

Recaps on what you have already learned in this series.

MONDAY 1/31/11-  I break the news that WE R MOTHERFUCKIN TIRED OF THESE MOTHERFUKIN APOCALYPSE STORIES ON THIS MOTHER FUCKING PLANET that through my diligent group of fellow lunatics who look just like my dogs  respectable scientist we have been able to prove the end is indeed NIGH 

TUESDAY 2/1/11- The Great Mayan Calendar is explained via the oldest discovered Dilbert like Cartoon. 

WEDNESDAY 2/2/11- The Earths Magnetic Stripper Poles are headed to Russia for vodka, things that just lay there ( assigned paid journalist) and how Goth kids are at fault. Probably

FRIDAY 2/4/11  -  Canaries are Crackheads and Angry Birds are killing things like themselves and stuff.

After your brain has soaked up the sickness scientific facts in all of those articles 

then you are ready for this next gigantic leap of illogic.

We  are under attack by multiple

 MORE POWERFUL NEXT GEN  PANDEMICS.

First let's go to the WHO ( not the band, but I am sure that's why the World Health Organization picked they name so that can sound cool like, " Yeah I have to go travel with the WHO in Europe next month.  Not to mention getting to say,  " Who said there's a new pandemic?" , "Who said that?"  "YES"  fucking brilliant scientist ROCK!) 

WHO defines a Pandemic as-

A disease epidemic occurs when there are more cases of that disease than normal. ( HA- the Who used the word normal this shit is awesome) A pandemic is a worldwide epidemic of a disease. A pandemic  occurs when a new  virus or mutated strain appears against which the human population has no immunity. WHO has defined the phases of a pandemic to provide a global framework to aid countries in pandemic preparedness and response planning.  The severity of a pandemic can change over the course of that pandemic.

Got it?  Who said that.   ( not "Who said that?"  shit I love this post)

You have no doubt heard of H1N1 ( swine flu)  and H5N1 ( bird or Avian flu for prissy folks)

These 2 pandemics had millions of people "flocking" ( ha)  to the Dr's to get "possible"  vaccinations.   Some countries went totally bat shit and wore surgical masks anytime they left their house so they looked like a not as pale version of Michael Jackson.   My question, why were there not more robberies?  You were allowed to wear a freaking mask in a bank, a drugstore, a casino.  Shit people,  this was your chance to step up your criminal activities and get away without being noticed because everyone had their face covered.  Very disappointed in criminals.

Now what we are dealing with is the worst possible outcome of a Pandemic.  When a former epidemic,  gets beat down by a society and then lies dormant feeding, growing, mutating, so our natural anti bodies are of no use, just like the old vaccines.

What we are dealing with here people is fucking serious. Serious as a HEART ATTACK!

Exhibit A-    in the 1980's and early 90's, the USA was first exposed to the near fatal Cyrus Virus when  good Ole Mullet Head Billy Ray set into action the attack on your cardiac system ( and hair style)  with Achy Breaky Heart.  It spent years spreading around the world.but it was finally defeated.

Is it me or does he look like Sharon Osbourne 1/2 way through her wax  job?

Or so we thought.  It was actually laying dormant while it was mutating,  and it came back stronger and even more insane with the new strain "Miley Cyrus Virus".  Unlike the original Cyrus Virus this one attacked you via the Moral system and was able to strip the soul and decency out of billions of young girls.

Not even capable of dressing herself, spawn of Satan,  Horsey Face Cyrus !

As you can see the next gen mutated Cyrus Virus is clearly even more powerful and deadly than the original.

Exhibit B-   This strain is currently on the 2011 Who's Who at the Who.   In it's original form it was called Osmonditis.   The tell tale signs were an overly buck toothy young boy with dimples,  shaggy hair and an affinity for purple.  The first wave was documented in the 1970's it was so spread easily via a Variety Show where siblings sang, and performed and talked about him always wearing purple.  Luckily Osmonditis was wiper from the face of the earth just prior to the first wave of Cyrus virus.   But alas some where deep within the uterus of a Osmonditis group was brewing the demon seed love child who was " mysteriously plucked from obscurity"  ( which is code for, "Hey look I banged this fan and we had this kid, and uhm would you mind making him famous Mr. Usher and we will see about buying you a belt.")   Thus  the deed was done and it was crammed down our collective throats whether we liked it or not.  This debilitating  rash and infection spread like wild fire and caused a Massive World Wide Fever thus qualifying it as a Pandemic by the Who.

( fuck I really love saying, " by the who") 

Don't act like it aint true people.

BEAVER FEVER !  Deadly stuff y'all.  Worse then the Great Pringle fever epidemic of 84.

 I am submitting this avatar for the Who to use at their next concert  conference.

This one is just too easy.

You now have enough information that you can clearly see we have been suffering with epidemics and pandemics for decades now, and every generation the Plague mutates, infects on a more widespread level with symptoms so vile I can't even describe on here.  The new Pandemics are causing permanent long time damage.

A pandemic of the massive magnitude proven to you in this post are indeed horrific, however this will not cause the Apocalypse. Probably. All by itself. Maybe.

XO

PEACH OUT

*In efforts to not make the CDC ( small fries compared to the Who)  (which is the Center for Disease Control).  get all jealous because I used the Who as my source I will dedicate this song to them to the tune of Naughty By Natures O.P.P.

Stain by Stain they kickin the frame under the scope cause they so dope.

You down with  ADD,  Hey CDC

You down with OCD,  Hey CDC

 You down with a cool disease.  Hey CDC

Then you get tracked by the CDC.  Yeah you know me.

YO!

That Justank Beaver kid and his fevers.

I have been spared from the Beaver fever.  It's apparently worse than the swine flu combined with e coli and a touch of syphilis dementia thrown in for that special dash of insanity blend.
Here's the deal, I have figured out that this Beaver kid has obviously used some type of mass hypnosis,( allegedly),  similar to that sparkly vampire stalker crap making grown women want to swoon over a pasty fictional entity.
I am sure they are either putting this insanity stuff in tampons or the public water systems. It's even making even some of my dear friends nearly wiggidy whack, get on my short list of people I need to get POA on,  act a bit odd. I am sad because if they start to turn into zombies I will have to off them with a double tap and I really do like my friends.   But I am thinking this is similar to mad cow which we all know is just a thin line from zombie status.
I couldn't find the remote and was forced like a POW lucky enough to catch an interview with little Justank Beaver.
I have a couple conclusions, in addition to his ability to make nearly anyone with a uterus or drinks public water scream like they lit their own hair on fire,  and he's probably the anti christ,and he's spoiled out  of this world and should be diced, chopped and ground up  by a product from Billy Mays. He might want to try an exercise in humility, because the only thing worse than a self righteous, all powerful, money having spoiled teen, is the years we have to watch them crash and burn and hit rehab and or optional jail.
Here's another conclusion and probably the most profound one.
I am positive, pretty darn sure, think he is might be the illegitimate love child of Donnie Osmand.
Here's why.

Spooky? yeah I know. Check out the PURPLE on Justin

Remember Donny's socks?  ( if you don't your too young and therefore you should be out partying not reading my old lady who remembers Donny Osmond's socks were ALWAYS PURPLE  blog.
Is this just a coincidence?  That some obscure kid has just been "discovered and propelled into modern famedom.  Even though he sounds like he belongs in the Vienna Boys Choir unless he has that Magical Mr. Microphone (we all had or wanted)  altering his voice like HAL.
Is it just a coincidence he is the spitting image of Donny Osmond?   Is it  merely a fantastical shot that made them look alike and Justin wearing purple?

NO.

Again with the purple.

So we know that due to The Osmonds religion they are to have huge families and in wedlock.  But we all know Donny had to be a player.  So I am thinking that he used his left over money from his Donny and Marie Show to pay musicians with street cred  to promote his un recognized secret son.  Then through some voodoo hex, people were disillusioned enough to think he had talent or appeal. My kids weren't allowed to take opposite sex phone calls at his age, let alone get on stage and sing about love. Dangerous People. I tell you "By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes."
I write this wearing my tin foil hat , asbestos pajamas and  drinking my artesian well water.  Yeah I am definitely safe. Probably.   The Question here is, are you?

XO

PEACH OUT