Friday, October 22, 2010

I ain't your Average Bear Boo Boo

I love Yogi and Boo Boo, I just want to pick up a pic a nic basket now.  Filled with yummy stuff like potato salad, and ham and a pie.  I love food, either I am a pig or a Bear, I guess that depends on the time of day and if you piss me off or not.

My kids seriously pissed me off all the time,  but usually not on the same day. Because no one needs me to lose what little is left of my mind.

So you can imagine how the shit rained down  on their collective parade  when they BOTH got in trouble at school on the same day.

After the school meetings and such I set forth to make them hate me. To realize that psychological warfare was not invented by the Government, but instead in the real trenches, where your momma does indeed wear combat boots.

For dinner they got liver, cauliflower, whole wheat bread and tonic water.  Now I realize some of you may be going OMG YUM!  To you I say WTH  are you serious that shit is totally nasty. It's like organs with a side dish of coagulated zit.  Lucky for me. My kids feel the same way. Which made it AWESOME.

not Yum just uhm and eww.

But I wasn't going to eat that crap, I didn't get in trouble at work that day, which is part of the reason I ordered pizza to be followed by an ice cream sundae social  and Soft Drinks for me and their Dad.  Why?  Isn't it clear folks. I am an evil witch.

We ate it all  making yum yum moaning noises in front of the kids who sat there crying and pissed with their ubber disgusting meal.  

Pouting, attitude, tears, and finally one of them screamed, " I am going to turn you in, this is child abuse".

That was the pivotal moment that brought them a new speech and a new understanding.

I began with, "  really?  the law says I have to feed you,  the meal in front of you is not only food, but very nutritious, I find it hard for this to be child abuse in the eyes of the law."

The blank stares back from my children alerted me that I had their full attention.

So I then explained they owned nothing,  not the shoes, the clothes, the books, the toys or even their bedrooms.  Those were all mine, but I was generous enough to let them "use" my things.

I also reminded them the law only says you have to be clothed, it does not specify that it has to be name brand totally awesome and in fashion.  That they could indeed go to school in flower print and plaid overalls with hand me down shirts saying things like " I love figure skating"  or "my parents love me".

By this point I had their attention, and my point had gotten through quite nicely.   For the next 13 years I had no debate, no discussion and definitely no more days that they both had a call from the school.

Yep that's how I roll,  also see, " more reasons I wont ever get mother of the year" 

Go out and enjoy your weekend, be safe and laugh often.



Oilfield Trash said...

Poor cauliflower gets no respect. lol

ThePeachy1 said...

tis an abomination to even call it food. This coming from a woman who will suck the head off a crawfish, so you KNOW it's bad.

Rachel said...

Meh to the cauliflower. Put a little cheese on it and it's fine. However, you almost ruined my lunch with that disgusting internal organs pic. Thank God my turkey & cheese sub is so incredibly delish.

Marvi Marti said...

I love raw cauliflower with ranch dip! But keep it if it is cooked.

liver and onions is a fav, until I learned the function of the liver, and now I cannot even look at it.

Frankly, I LOVE your style, bet that lesson will never be forgotten!

ThePeachy1 said...

@Rachel and @ Marti WHAT? who the hell would willing eat those things unless it was associate to some new car or 1,000,000 prize OMG. EWWW. I love you ladies but with this information there will be no more mouth kissing.

Stacey said...

I like cauliflower, but the liver? NO. I used to make homemade liver dog treats. This consisted of boiling liver, then pulverizing it in the food processor until it was a paste. Add garlic powder and a few other things pour into a pan and bake. You ended up with garlic liver dog brownies.

Whenever I made these I had three dogs staring at the oven until they were done and a husband who refused to come home until "that smell" was out of the house.

ThePeachy1 said...

Due to technical difficulties beyond our control ( thanks to Stacey's dog liver story) that are causing us to barf I am unable to comment for at least 20 minutes, you all have permission to run a muck for 20 -30 minutes.

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

I do like the cauliflower... the liver? OH FUCK NO! Had to eat it as a child... that shit aint touchin my lips as an adult. I do make it for the family, they like it (bunch of weirdos) I on those nights.. eat Capt Crunch!

ThePeachy1 said...

I can not believe you eat cauliflower. I am so very disappointed, the first major hurdle in our Relationship Holly. That shit will never enter my house unless they figure out how to mix it with chocolate, cheesecake or vodka and I don't know it's in there.