Saturday, November 28, 2015

Teeth + South = stereotype

In case you didn't know. I live in the south.  It's really hard to get any further south than where I live.  Other than Florida but it doesn't count as the south because even though it's geographically lower than where I live, it is actually socially north or here.

So 20 years ago I despised kids/parents  who acted out of control because clearly I was awesome at parenting. To teach me a lesson Karma gave me my oldest son and I realized I am a powerless idiot.

18 years ago I went to the gym 5 days a week, walked every night and associated fat with lazy
To teach me a lesson Karma gave me a medical issue that pumps me full of steroids so I am constantly have to hire handlers like a Macy's Thanksgiving Parade balloon.  Seriously between the steroids and the sudden total lack of physical activity combined with the comfort food instead of Xanax  I am pretty sure I will be hiring a handyman to install double doors in my house

15 years ago I was so happy to have my very first NEW car.  Because I always drove serious POS.
To teach me a lesson Karma has arranged for that new car to still be my car with no chance of upgrade and a timing belt that has slipped.

10 years ago the business my husband and I started to get major contracts with our company thus providing us with a monthly salary that was hire than my younger years annual salary.
To teach me a lesson, Hurricane Katrina wiped out most of our clients and then the BP Oil Spill finished them off.  So we are back to working for others and paycheck to paycheck.

5 years ago I was astounded at the absolute lack of straight, white teeth around the area.  I was like, "seriously?  hello?  toothbrush/dentist/flouride".
To teach me a lesson Karma let M&M's with pretzels knock out my tooth

This past Friday night.  One of my Blog Buddies came to town and I invited them to stay here.
and my tooth flew out of my head while we were talking and she actually had her 7 year old daughter help me by crawling around on the white tile floors to look for my white tooth.  

Oh yeah it's official.  My IQ has dropped,  ass widened, and toofless.  I am officially from the south now.

1 comment:

jadedj said...

I'm here to tell you...these phenoms ain't just confined to the South. I live in the Mid-West (although I was raised in the South, I admit) and you have just outlined the last 10 years of my steroid bloated body life...including the missing tooth. That damned devil Karma is a bitch!