Thursday, February 10, 2011

help I have a kink in my brain and I can't get up

I am supposed to give you more Apocolypse stuff but I woke up with a kink in my brain and the Dr's said not to use it for like 24 hours or days or years or what the fuck ever.  So here, you get one of my posts from when I tried to write with a kink in my brain.

The I did a Greek in a Hot Tub and we got salty post-

Well hello there, how do you do I, see you've met my, faithful, handy.......
Shit, sorry y'all, but my whatever the hell I have that distracts you mid sentence and OH MY BOB, my dog just farted and I swear it's a damn good thing she had her ass pointed AWAY from the fireplace, or she would have been propelled like a pack of bottle rockets out of the living room and through the breakfast Nook to the - Wait? Hold on what on earth kind of stupid word is Nook?  Does anyone eat breakfast in a freaking Nook?  Does that even sound appetizing?   For example:

"The other day we were just hanging out in the NOOK and my man got down on one knee and pointed to the rose petals laying around the NOOK that he had placed them so they would spell out I WOULD DIE FOR YOU."

Ok so which song is better?

Prince Purple Rain  I would die 4 u


Brain Adams  with Everything I do.

Also this tree has a penis.

I am so glad I finished my education before they invented ADD, ADHD.  We were just, "energetic", "talkative", or  "not filling our potential".

By the way, who the hell decides someones potential?  I have been to college, no where in the damn course catalog was  crystal ball reading or  "potential" readings.  Do you think they  ever said to a parent back then,  " yeah little Suzy is trying so hard and working her ass off in here, but really Mrs Smith,  she's dumb as a shack of carrots and reached her potential 5 years ago in 2nd grade.  At this point Mrs Smith you should probably just go ahead and focus little Suzy on finding a foot ball star to marry, might I suggest some tube tops?" No I don't think those conversations ever went down so I call bullshit on all my teachers k- College.

Then I saw the picture above and went, "Shit. I now remember what this was supposed to be about!"
I saw 3 movies this weekend was going to review them, sorry maybe tomorrow, if I remember.

Oh yeah on a final note,  the chick(?) in the picture above is totally wearing a tube top, but I bet no one tells her she aint reaching her potential.  Just sayin



Opto-Mom said...

You need kinks in your brain more often. It helps you to realize your potential.

Also, my captcha verification word is "hater." I'm hoping to get "playa" next time.

Unknown said...

You posted this Peen Tree just for me, didn't you?? You KNOW how I love a good peen. ;)

Oilfield Trash said...

HA I will always think of you when I see that picture. lol

Elly Lou said...

Everything about that photo scares me. ESPECIALLY the fingernails.


That chick looks like she could break a penis in half with her insides! I would actually pay good money to see that happen!

Mooner Johnson said...

Peach. OK, first, where to start. T-cat, stop IT! I just spit Starbucks on this dude's laptop. I was showing him how to pass time productively while wasting his life sitting in a fucking Starbucks. Took him to my place, yours (where we commented), Squalto, Reckmonster, and now here.

Second, "Nook" is short for "Nookie".

Third, as a lifelong sufferer of the dreaded ADD and the ADHD, I have a first-hand understanding of brain kinks. Mine gets so fucked that it looks like the rubber band on one of those propeller airplane dealies when you twist the rubber band so tight that it snaps the fusalodge (how in the hell do you spell that one?) in half.

Fourth, that picture looks two of my ex-wives, like you Photo-shopped number seven's face onto three's body. Woman's so strong she can pinch a blood blister on your lips with her eyelids.

Anonymous said...

Ouch. All kinds of ouch.

The Reckmonster said...

Once again, I must say, the meds must be working, because I actually followed your "leaps" in an amazingly logical fashion. Creepy.

ThePeachy1 said...

You know what makes the blogging and the writing and the rest of this all worth it? That your comments are far better than the post. I write everyday 2 posts just to read the awesomeness of what you guys say.

The Empress said...

Being a major ding dong lover, I find the tree photo ooh la la magnificent! ...And Prince's Purple Rain totally trumps that Bryan Adams girly song ; )