Monday, November 26, 2012

Apocalypse How?

This was originally posted 2/2/11 by me, the artwork and concept is mine, yes it's sad that I am proud of this  Also, I really really hope I am right about this one.

A lot of people are freaking smooth out because of the Mayan Calendar.  So I used my Government Experience to come up with a more feasible explanation of what happened.

thepeachy1, being peachy, scientific study, mayan calendar, mayan community meeting, pork spending

thepeachy1, politics, being peachy, mayans, calendar, 2012, apcolypse,  council meeting, pay cuts, health care.moronic monday, beingpeachy, the peachy1, mayans, council, budget, idea pitch, health care, foreign, chief  policy,

mayan cheif, stoned, strangers, death, dime bag, sober, calendar, budget cuts, beingpeachy, the peahcy1mayan leader, vision quest, calendar app. stoned, facepalm, budget cuts, being peachy, the peachy1mayan calendar, budget cuts, economy, severance package, ted, phil, being peachy, thepeachy1downsizing, corporate head hunting, mayans, 2012, calendar, being peachy, the peachy1,  severance packages

human resources, downsizing, cut backs, economy, mayans, being peachy, the peachy1

downsizing,  mayan early retirement or mayan severance pay,  being peachy, thepeachy1

That's the  mystery behind they Mayan Calendar. Now you know.




Monday, June 18, 2012

Your kind of event !

This conversation  took place between me and my husband while he was at work this morning on chat.   There was a story on the midday news about an "event" coming up, and 2 people were there representing the event and giving information about it.  It so happens that my husband enjoys these types of events but has NOT been to one in the over 15 years we have been married because he had the common sense to completely avoid letting me be aware of this until I had invested way too much time and gained too much weight to go back in the dating pool.   The names and places of the event have been changed to protect the creepy people that may or may not be innocent... allegedly.

Peach- it was just on the news the local dude, I guess it lasts 24 hours straight and they camp out??? seriously?? anyway the 2 guys on totally look like text book pedophiles, I'm sure they are super skilled at social settings, anyway it kicks off with a free pic nic & food at noon on "insert date", then they start " insert activity" at 1pm, then the continuously "insert activity"t until 1pm on sunday, they are encouraging families to come out, they will have "insert 3 kinds of modern and not modern technology", "insert awards" for kids to make contact, and "other stuff" whatever it's called it took me a minute to figure out they weren't profiling serial killers. here's the site they gave "insert website" and I could only write down 1 guys phone number fast enough "insert guy who gave his personal cell phone on the news "it's in "insert town"

Droid- yeah, we can go check it out if you want. Unless its a big "insert word that implies that this event could be bigger" event it will be fairly boring....I have been in many "insert event" as an " insert term for person who spent time at these". I even had a pic of me and Pat Sherrill at one of the

*** If you don't know who Pat Sherril is, but have used the term "going postal" at this point I will wait while you go and google Pat Sherril because you need to understand that there is a picture of my husband WITH this person????"

Peach- oh we totally need to find that picture because that is probably the ONLY thing that would make those people less creepy

Droid- Well It had pat standingin front of one of the emergency op vans...

Peach - but yes we should go, it does sound like fun, and it would be cool for you and "the prince" to do/see, plus we really don't get out and I will assume that it's free... and they probably have candy in their pockets or vans

Droid- black and white thing.. might be in that red photo albmun or something somewhere

Peach - their rape vans

Droid- oh it will be free, trust me, they WANT the public to see it, and hopefully get some new meat interested in "insert hobby/obsession"

Peach- yeah you said meat,

Peach-  ok well I guess we will go, I've never been, I'm up to trying new things, that don't involve me or my kid getting murdered.  Do you think the Prince is too old to wear a leash?

Peach-  I think I will dress like a cop just in case  or do you think that would make people less or more likely to kill/injure/kidnap me?

Peach-  not sexy cop, like in a mini skirt and boobs out and high heels, but like a manly cop, with a bullet proof vest so you can't even see my boobs cause they are mashed down. Never mind that sounds really uncomfortable and if I am uncomfortable I wont have a good time no matter how awesome and friendly these people who avoid all human contact are.  Do you think that's why some cops seems grumpy?

Peach-  Never mind the cop thing, " the prince"  is a green belt now so I wont worry about the leash plus we had that gps chip implanted in him when he became a tween anyway.   Plus it will probably be really hot out, so I might wear something like the thing Princess Leia wore when she was chained to Jabba the hut.  WAIT  I have it, you wear the Princess Leia slave bikini thing and I will go as Jabba the hut and you can be chained to me, that way you will be like bait and I can eat all the free food they have there.  That's the plan ok?

Peach- I thought about I will pack us a lunch their food probably has ruffies in it.  That would totally suck if we got ruffied and then " the prince" had to drive us home because he still has a couple years before he can get a license and he nearly drove into the house on the riding lawn mower this weekend,  how does that happen?  I mean he has 2.5 acres to drive around the house is not in the way.  So yeah he's totally not driving us, but I don't want to pack a lunch, so here's the deal, YOU don't eat there, I will, because honestly I don't care what you do if I am ruffied as long as you don't sell me to anyone or something, but since I will be dressed like Jabba the hut I will probably be good.

Peach-  do you think we can rent one of those scooter things?  I mean if I get ruffied it would probably be better to have a scooter so you could just drive me around rather than drag me since you will be dressed in a bikini like Princess Leia.

Peach-  ok so we will go to this thing,  we know what we are wearing, who is eating, transportation,  it's all set,  do you realize how hot our UPS guy is?  Seriously?  that guys is flat out smokin' hot,  he just came by but we didn't get anything he was on the wrong road which is his code for,  " hey baby want some afternoon UPS guy?" and I was like oh yeah you know it,  then I told him I would be all ruffied up after this event, and he gave me that look and said he would be back,  even if I have to send something to myself.  Are you even listening to me?  WTH are you doing?

Droid-  yeah baby I'm listening,  sounds good looking forward to it,  I'm eating a Beef Stew MRE for lunch, it's pretty good.

Peach-  MRE?  uhm your a computer guy in a downtown complex with 5 restaurants within walking distance?   I have to go. I think the cat did bath salts it's trying to eat the stairs, which I guess to a cat on bath salts looks like a human face.

Have a great week...


Tuesday, June 5, 2012

A heartfelt letter from a sweet little old lady.

enjoy your day,


Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Talking Dog 4 Sale


A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale 'He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.

In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running...

But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.

I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'

'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a LIAR. He's never been out of the yard'

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

and on the 8th day he created idiots.

A Lawyer help the Government understand history...

Part of rebuilding New Orleans caused residents often to be challenged with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years. With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, sometimes making it quite difficult to establish ownership. Here's a great letter an attorney wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client:

You have to love this lawyer...

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply:

(Actual reply from FHA):

"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:

(Actual response):
"Your letter regarding title in Case No.189156 has been received. I note you wish to have title extended further than the 206 years covered by the present application.
I was unaware any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know Louisiana was purchased by the United States from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Queen Isabella.
The good Queen Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus's expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume God also made the part of the world called Louisiana. God; therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it, and the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our loan?"
The loan was immediately approved. 

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Are you shitting me?

Have you ever wondered who uttered the phrase, "You gotta' be shittin me" the very first time?

Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of Our country, way back when George Washington was crossing the Delaware river with his troops.

There were 33 (remember this number) in Washington's boat. It was
Extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about.

Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Cox and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading.

Corporal Cox, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth.

Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Cox and his lantern into the Delaware. Washington and his troops searched for nearly an hour trying to find Corporal Cox, but to no avail. All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.

Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted. He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on.

Another hour later, one of his men said, 'General, I see lights ahead.'
They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house.

What they didn't know was that this was a house of ill repute, hidden in the forest to serve all who came.

General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him.

The door swung open, and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman.

A huge smile came across her face to see so many men standing there.

Washington was the first to speak, 'Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men. We are tired, wet, exhausted, and desperately need warmth and comfort.'

Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, 'Well, General, you have come to the right place.
We can surely give you warmth and comfort. How many men do you have?'

Washington replied, 'Well, Madam, there are 32 of us without Cox.’

And the Madam said, 'You gotta be shittin me"

Friday, April 13, 2012

Don't act like you don't know

To say this Peach is a feeling a tad bit fed up, well that would be like saying the Titanic took on a little water.

Sometimes you invest so much time in trying your damndest to make those you love happy, healthy or even just not biting your damn head off for breathing you forget that you are the HBIC. ( That's head bitch in charge for those playing along at home)

Even if you are juggling Eightyseventykabillion and 53 balls in the air for like 3 decades if you gently ask or hint, or think that the OBVIOUS  begging for someone else to simply pick one of those balls up and throw it back into circulation for you it appears that's way too much to ask, so you don't.  Well then 1 day you just snap and start running naked thru the local mall throwing waffle cones at old people speed walking.  Or you can go ahead, take a deep breath, remember who you really are, and that you have been juggling all those balls since you could walk and that the world can line up and take turns kissing your ass.

Or you can make it simple and just print this out and staple it to your forehead.

I find it works better when you ball it up in your fist and smack the shit out of them.

You are welcome..


Wednesday, March 21, 2012

living while waiting....

For a very long time, I have had to live while waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I say living but it's really just existing with spurts of me faking living when I can muster the strength to push the elephant in the room to the back of my mind.

When someone you love with all of your soul makes horrible choices, you have to make a choice.

I made a choice to love from a distance, allow that person to do things at their will, wherever they wanted. The condition. I would not support that person, their activities or their train of thought, not emotionally and definitely not financially.

Of course that comes with what is often emotionally a higher consequence for me, a soul eating mind boggling, hellish existence.  Torn when the phone doesn't ring.  Then furious and emotional and again torn when it does.  There is no happy medium there is no mutual enjoyment of life and it's experiences.  It is what it is.  An inner ring of hell.

It's odd how the human brain learns to process things that are so completely outrageous and unacceptable if they happen enough.  Literally the brain removes any logic to save the heart.  It's like the brain knows if one more little piece of your soul falls to the floor you will collapse with all breath gone and fade away.

Things you never in your life thought you would hear,  become somewhat expected.  Disappointing? Well of course.  Fear inducing, almost every time.   Seeing red with angry,  your brain somehow melts it to where a simple wash of un-easy gently rolls off your back.

You can't fix it, they don't want to be fixed, no matter how absolutely insane and ludicrous the situation you can not even point out how completely illogical the situation is, let alone offer solutions.  There are no less than 683 million reasons why all of your ideas are completely stupid.

You learn to focus not on the highs, not on the lows,  not on the shocking news,  but only on the fact that you love that person.   You make sure whatever you say wont offend them, or their choices, and you make double damn sure that person knows you love them, you love them deeply, you love them completely, you love them from your soul.  You only want the best for them, safety for them, happiness for them.

You see no one really has the same idea of happiness..  It took me 43 years to realize that.  Another thing this person taught me.  Just because it's " the normal" thing that you are sure would make anyone happy, happy and delighted and feeling so very lucky,   that can seem like hell on earth to someone with a completely different view of happy.  Their view of happy would be most peoples view of hell on earth.  So who am I to attempt to enforce my cookie cutter ideal of happy on anyone, any adult on the planet.  Simply put, I am no one.  I am just a daughter, a wife, a sister, a mother, an aunt, a friend.

I am made up as we all our of a unique cocktail of our childhoods, our teachers, our elders, our peers, our own life lessons, co workers, books we have read, shows we have seen.  Just a big casserole of a human being trying to find "happy".  When I achieved happy I assumed that would be wonderful,  more than wonderful, and that in turn everyone would become happy, everyone would see how hard work brings happy, how loving each other brings happy,  how walking the right road, singing your own theme song, and smiling would obviously land you in happy.

I had a really hard time the past 20 years trying to shove people into the happy, I tried to drag them into happy, push them in, beg them, lure them,  slide shows of happy,  hand made cards, long emails, song dedications, heart felt talks and hugs, I could surely get them to happy, and then once they saw happy they would be like DUH clearly I want happy too !  

I was wrong, their happy was so different than mine or most of societies so I had to do one of the hardest things on the planet and accept they would not be in my happy with me.  Maybe they were taking a different route, and we would meet up in happy.  Maybe their happy just meant more pit stops, more experiences, different criteria,  maybe  their happy would never lead to the same location as my happy, not even in the same area and I could never see them from my happy, what would I do then?

So then slowly you say, well they aren't in my happy or headed that way,  but their happy could be really good for them, and so I will work on being happy for them in their happy.  little crumbles of your heart fall, and your soul tears a little more.  But in the end all you really want is for them to be happy, even if it's not your happy.  So you convince yourself not to be such as narrow minded selfish ass who demands everyone's happiness is within arms reach of your happiness.  Don't be such an idiot to think we are all alike, what a boring world that would be right?  Keep telling yourself that, it makes it easier and you can persevere your heart, mind and soul a little more.  Plus it does make them happy that you are happy for them in their happiness.  It is painful but it's good for them and for the relationship.

Then a call comes, it's not happy call, you are prepared because when this disease spins round and round the calls come in 2 forms and 2 forms ONLY.  On top of the world best thing ever, everything is beyond amazing.  The next call could be in a week, or within 20 minutes of the first call  the world is ending, completely ending, there is no hope, there is no escape, there is nothing that can make it better, you can only listen, and try not to cry and remember to love, offer helpful solutions, even offer to make arrangements or calls even though miles separate you the internet can allow you to help, you do what you can and it's usually for nothing,  it never works out, but you make damn sure they know you love them, you love them so much you can't breath when they are in pain.

The calls- you see the caller id, it's a number from a state that you don't know, ever. But you know who is on the other end, you don't know what kind of call it will be, but you take deep breaths and you prepare to play the roulette game that is literally their life.  What kind of call, what kind of incredibly fantastic nearly ludicrousness words of grandeur  or is it going to be the gut wrenching heart breaking sobbing pleads for help.  You don't know, but you answer the phone, inviting the insanity, the roller coaster of love and hate and pain into the mundane yet happy that you are attempting to convince yourself of daily.

Nothing surprises you now.  Literally,  as long as it's their voice on the end you are prepared.  Simply because it's the common procedure.  You've learned to stop yelling, begging, urging, and just learned to focus on conveying the fact that you love the elephant in the room, and you love that elephant when your eyes open in the morning, and you love that elephant when your eyes wont close at night without a tear quietly running down your cheek.  No one see's your tear. No one hears your cry and no one, no one on the planet can understand why this elephant is needed so deeply and is somehow comforting.

Then as you are in your happiness on the back porch wind blowing you sit with your little family, cross legged looking at your happiness, eating sandwiches and thinking how peaceful and loving and happy this all is.  The phone rings.

The elephant steps outside.  With 1 sentence the elephant sits on your chest, takes your breath, and overcomes your world as it's sucked away by the crushing.  But sometime when that elephant climbs on your it compartmentalization your body,  the soul, the heart, the brain, are functioning separately.  This is good for you, it allows you to attempt to speak in a sane, calm, tone, using gentle words, no blame, just love.  The call ends, with mutual " I love you's"

The happiness is gone for them. Now faced with a very adult matter that simply can't be "worked away".

You don't remember the rest of the happy picnic,  the people in your happiness with you do not have a conversation with you in regards to it.  You move on as you do after every call.   But something is wrong.  Very wrong

You can't tell anyone, yet you don't cry, you don't sob, you don't fall to the floor throwing up, you don't steal a car and get to the elephant just to hold them.

What the hell is wrong with you.  Why are you not responding like a human,  why not like all the times you had hard news before.  You haven't fallen apart yet.   Will you fall apart?  Will this change your ability to move forward?  Will this person now want back in your happy?  If this person comes back can you handle it, can the happy team handle it,  what will be the cost of the elephant if you don't?  What will be the cost of happy if you do.  

I know the other shoe will fall, It has to, there is just no way to process this without dying more inside,   maybe I am out of soul, heart, tears..  Maybe I have been cried out, maybe I am stronger, maybe my brain is trying to protect me.

I am very much not ok.  Mostly because I feel ok,  there is no way I should feel ok.  Why am I not shaking sitting in the shower crying and sobbing and vomiting like I have done so many times before when the not happy, no ok news came in.

I'm not even shaking.

The shoe will drop, I hope, I beg, I have the strength, the knowledge, the wisdom, the compassion, the ability, the life experience, balanced with the brain, the heart and soul, to take this journey.  To share my happy,  to understand their happy, to make a new happy, but most of all, to convey they undying, deepest of love and the basic humanity to make their happy the best happy I can make it.
          photo credit to

please find your happy, please let everyone you know how much you love them, even if their happy is so completely different than your happy.


Saturday, March 3, 2012

Another Brick on the Wall

Hey guess what my kid just got a 4 year full ride sport scholarship to a major U.

Guess what everyone of you were silently either high fiving me or you virtual hate meter was on the rise.  Why?

Hey guess what my daughter is graduating in May with her second college degree, is on the Deans list a class load so heavy she has to get department approval and works 40 hours a week on top of it to put herself through school while paying her college to minimize the life time she will be forever in debt with what is known as student loan hell.

Which do I get know the five or the finger?  Ok

Hey guess what, my 9 year old d4th grader just "voluntarily" participated in a Science fair for his school since it's not required here until " higher grades"  He walked away with more ribbons than a prize heifer at the state fair.  He goes as the overall winner to Regionals.  We have  to pay registration, travel, provide our own table, and he will set 9 hours on the floor next to his project.  Oh wait did I mention we have already been told he can't go any further than Regionals because he's too young?

Five or finger? Almost there?

Today is 4th grade state exams, you know the ones required by the laws that govern our education.  It is so important that an automated phone message went out to all parents.  It said something like: make sure your child goes to bed early, gets good sleep,  eats breakfast at home.  All children will need to be to school early, and all children will be taken to the cafeteria for breakfast before class.  So even if your child eats at home you may want to send "extra" money for them to eat.  "Unless they already receive free or reduced meals"

where we at here?  1 more?

Last night my 9 year old fourth grade had his 3rd baseball practice, which is kid pitch minor leagues here.  His first practice was 1 hour, his second practice was at nearly 3,  and tonight for his third practice we skirmished a neighboring rival town but did not keep score,  we got there at 5pm, the game started at 630pm. By the time we got home crammed what would be considered a dinner in some 3rd world countries hosed him off and got uniforms and lunches packed made him cool down and rubbed his legs and arms with icy hot,  it is considerably later than his usual bedtime.  95% of both teams have these tests tomorrow and both coaches have kids on the teams and knew about the tests.

Ok so where am I sitting on your finger scale? am I getting 5 up high or a single soldier telling me to shut up.

Here's the deal folks 1 of those scenarios was complete and utter bullshit.

Since I live in the United States, and then deep south I will totally let you guess which ones are the sad educational truth here.

We don't raise rocket scientist here people, we raise HERO's.  You know like Brett "ThePhone" Farve?  Yeah we get to claim him.  Shut up I know we are lucky right?   Lucky like a $5.00 hooker on penny night at the local dive.


Ask Floyd baby,  " we don't need no education"  ( as long as you can play sports)



Now in return for your reading the post from a competitive softball player and cheerleader turned coach, who drank her way through college and married a guy with the athletic DNA of Steve Urkle I give you a little pleasure.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

All the debauchery you asked for- because I love you

Mardi Gras tried to kill me.  I survived, powered by your tweets.  I survived for you.  Because you sent me on missions with your picture requests from Mardi Gras so it was like you were there, but without the insanity, smell of stale beer and urine, and the mandatory hang over.  Basically I took a hit for you and now you owe me.

But face it you are here to see if I was able to get all the different pictures everyone requested.
I had so many photos I had to split it between both blogs.  So make sure to go and look here for more at BeingPeachy

I think this one covers almost every weird thing you guys asked for.

Drum roll for the boobs as per requests-

What is Mardi Gras without some drunks, and hitting on a cop?

My  youtube channel is slammed at BeingPeachy but here are some drinking party videos.

and  as per your request for the impossible,  the Johnny Depp, Alexander Skarsgard, Matthew, Harry, and Me shot to which I could not leave out my boyfriend Brendan.
l-r- Brendan, Harry, Peachy, Matthew, Johnny, Alexander

I had so many photos I had to split it between both blogs.  So make sure to go and look here for more at BeingPeachy



Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Les Bon Temps Rouler!

It's Mardi Gras here. That means EVERYONE is off work for Fat Tuesday which is actually the day of Mardi Gras, but we really stretch it out because it's a season. Literally months and months have went into excessive celebration.  Because we are approaching ash wednesday.  Yes people this is actually a religious holiday but no one EVER protests the drinking, the boobs, the luxury of this season.  They just think it's a party.  And that's totally fucking OK with us.  Seriously, everyone is welcome.

Oh yeah and don't correct my title, I know it's not proper french, you are absolutely correct, it is a grammatical affront to all French people.  However it is a lovely blend of Slov and French and Spanish because we have flown under so many flags, this is "our" way to say-  "let the good times roll.

Also I made this, for a custom order.    It's solid chocolate, all of it, and drunks will eat the hell out of it.

Over indulge, after all remember what the Myans said !


Wednesday, February 8, 2012

You better be freaking kidding me.


Here are the Stellas for year -- 2011:


Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son

Start scratching!


Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

Scratch some more...


Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish Keep scratching. There are more...

Double hand scratching after this one..


Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot..


Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?

Only two more so ease up on the scratching...


Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.

Ok. Here we go!!


This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down?

$1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Why Young Women pick shitty men

It's pretty much a proven fact that most grown adult nearly sane women can look at their past and think, " OMFG what the hell was I thinking?"

It may have been a boyfriend, or god forbid a husband.  It's a paradox, it seems that a nearly sane moderately intelligent woman wouldn't be caught dead in the company of such a piece of breathing shit.  However we often date, or mate with them during our younger years.

I have solved the mystery.  You are welcome.

1) most of the grown nearly sane moderately intelligent women were raised in a household of dreams and dolls.  O' wait that's only in the fucking movies, most of us were raised in houses of divorced fighting parents or worse parents who should have been divorced because one of them was such an intolerable cunt that you felt pity for the other one.  However no matter the household situation you were raised in I am sure there was some sanity and love,  even if it was a brief glimpse or just your childlike rose colored glasses making it possible for your psyche NOT to split 30 ways and we go around pulling out puppies eyes and sewing them to our stuffed animals.  With the knowledge of this as our basic foundation I will move on.

2- Early interaction with the opposite sex.  Preschool,  a parents friends child, Kindergarten whatever it was.  You can bet nearly every little girl remembers that asshole kid that kicked you, threw things at you,  called you some horrible name that possibly rhymed in some weird kid way. Chances are if this little asshole pulled your braided pigtails or hit you with a spit ball.  You were already at a disadvantage by having to wear days of the week panties and skirts and those god awful freaking shoes.  The bonus?  Those shoes were some hard ass "mary janes" and the childhood equivalent of steel toed boots.  Thankfully we as women were born with  remarkable accuracy when we fought back it was more like a strategic nuclear strike to the still forming nuts of the rat bastard torturing us.

3-Movies.  Yes we love Beauty and the Beast, where the beautiful woman sacrifices everything looks past everything,  both physically and emotionally  to fall in love with a seriously violent and ugly asshole.  Who the hell thought that was a great idea?  I mean do we have a reverse of this to balance out the entire " see the best in everyone " mantra.   Maybe?  How about "Lady and the Tramp",  OMG, yeah they are dogs, but she runs away with a bad boy homeless dog who treats her to leftovers on a garbage can.  They fall in love, she looks past the fact he has a criminal history, no home, no family,  and basically no morals, and then they move in with her parents.  Wow, that is freaking awesome. I don't have to go into the overtly obvious ones like dirt poor Cinderella has to pretend to be "good enough" for the guy,  or Snow White where it's totally ok to run away and live with a bunch of guys because you think your parents are assholes.  Wait Asshole parents?  That sounds like Ariel, because her dad had all these stupid "rules" like DON'T FREAKING TALK TO THE PREDATOR that lives in a cave.  Make a deal with the local predator and go try to be good enough for the guy because he's cute and your Dad is an asshole with rules.  Thanks childhood cartoons for putting this shit in our heads.

Honestly I watched and read them all.   I knew I needed to find a destitute bad boy and I could totally look right thru the physical and emotion and financial parts because none of that matters once you love him enough he will be perfect and things work out great.

UTTER FUCKING BULLSHIT.  Yet a large portion of females do this.  Especially in our youth.  I would like to say that our frontal lobes aren't completely formed when we do these things.  I would also like to say we learn our lesson and run straight into the arms of a wonderful man or find our own happiness that doesn't even involve being "good enough"  or "tolerant enough"  just to be who we are, how we are, and tell the world to take it or leave it.

There's a lot more to this and you could write a thousandkabillion  Doctorate Thesis on this topic.

Why bother,  every teenager is automatically smarter and has stronger feelings and unique experiences that their parents just can't comprehend because they are old.  They got old by being a teenager and they are praying that you don't do the same stupid shit they did.  Or they are drunk.

I need a fucking drink.


Wednesday, January 18, 2012

All it takes for Evil to prevail is

Please visit these sites today......  - Cartoon explanation with Jesus Oprah a jet ski and Kittens. = Awesome  - Best Animator on the Web supporting us all the way from Canada,  this is indeed a global issue people.    My blog under my domain, the original and light hearted Being Peachy.

If you are blacked out or have a post about the black out PLEASE FEEL FREE TO LINK TO YOUR BLOG OR PAGE OR A POSTER OF YOU OR WHATEVER  IN THE COMMENTS.


Tuesday, January 17, 2012

That Cat

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Year's Eve Party. We turned
on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet
and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and
requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the

As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard, scoots back
into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always
tries to eat the bird. My wife goes on out to the taxi, while I went back
inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house
will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will
be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said, as
we drove away. "That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke
her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so
I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her
from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw
her out into the back yard! She better not shit in the vegetable garden

The silence in the cab was deafening.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Monday Punny Monday

All these jokes came straight from Facebook off JP wall.

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam and we're stoning her in the morning!
~ ~ ~
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did .... she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
~ ~ ~
Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
~ ~ ~
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
~ ~ ~
Question - Are there too many immigrants in the United States ?
17% said yes;
11% said No;
72% said "I am not understanding the question please. Me no speaka engrish."
~ ~ ~
The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries!
~ ~ ~
A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do they need at home.
1st kid says "A computer".
Teacher replies "That would be very useful."
2nd kid says "a new lawn mower" and gets a similar response.
Little Johnny pops up and says "At my house we don't need nothin."
The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs something.
Little Johnny replies, "no I'm sure." "When my sister started going out with a pimp, I remember my dad saying, "Well, that's the last damned thing we need."
~ ~ ~
A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says, "How do you know?" He says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"
~ ~ ~
My girlfriend says she thinks that I might be a stalker. Well ... she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
~ ~ ~
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."
~ ~ ~
My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
~ ~ ~
The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.

Suck it Monday you bitch,  I will cut you.


Friday, January 6, 2012

Balls to the Wall Friday

A ragged, old, derelict shuffled into a down and dirty bar. Stinking of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the "Piano Player Wanted" sign from the window and handed it to the bartender.

"I'd like to apply for the job," he said. "I was an F-4 pilot, flying off carriers back in ' Nam , but when they retired the Phantom all the thrill was gone, and soon they cashed me in as well. I learned to play the piano at O-Club happy hours, so here I am."

The barkeep wasn't too sure about this doubtful looking old guy, but it had been quite a while since he had a piano player and business was falling off. So, why not give him a try.

The seedy pilot staggered his way over to the piano while several patrons snickered. By the time he was into his third bar of music, every voice was silenced.

What followed was a rhapsody of soaring music unlike anything heard in the bar before. When he finished there wasn't a dry eye in the place.

The bartender took the old fighter pilot a beer and asked him the name of the song he had just played.

It's called "Drop your Skivvies, Baby, I'm Going Balls To The Wall For You" he said. After a long pull from the beer, leaving it empty, he said "I wrote it myself."

The bartender and the crowd winced at the title, but the piano player just went on into a knee-slapping, hand-clapping bit of ragtime that had the place jumping. After he finished, the fighter pilot acknowledged the applause, downed a second proffered mug, and told the crowd the song was called, "Big Boobs Make My Afterburner Light.

He then launched into another mesmerizing song and everyone in the room was enthralled. He announced that it was the latest rendition of his song, "Spread 'em Baby, It's Foggy Out Tonight and I Need To See The Centerline", excused himself and headed for the john.

When he came out the bartender went over to him and said, "Hey, fly boy, the job is yours; but, do you know your fly is open and your pecker is hanging out?"

"Know it?", the old fighter pilot replied, "Hell, I wrote it!"