Thursday, December 23, 2010


Oh yeah it's on,  this is the 1st Annual ThePeachy1 Christmas Card Extravaganza Baby !   If you have no clue what I am doing or why.  Hop over to my other blog, my main blog at and start there, it explains everything plus there are a boat load more cards over there so if you're not here, check there before you flame me or kick sand in my face.  ( If your not on either, it's not you, it's me, I am a loser, please don't kick sand in my face.)  It will lead you back here when your done there.

Patty Punker
( her card I "modified it" does that make me a re-gifter?)
Ron Wells at Scuzzy Money

Master Jedi- Jim at  Busy Dad Blog
Rachel & Winston from The Rachel Chron

Nikki from My Cyber House Rules

The Immortal Brad Finn from Sculpey Hell 

SINtaMental and The Derby Girls at Atomic Assault 

Oil Field Trash at Make Daddy a Sammich

Rabbit from The Journey

Traci Williams  Of  REO Texas

I love you all dearly and if I accidentally left you out, I assure you it was an accident.  ( don't forget to check on the other site  BeingPeachy )This past year of Blogging has been a journey and all of you have went on this insane road trip with me.



Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Family Christmas Party

Christmas garland
Come they told me, Barumbabumbum, to the party Barumbabumbum, we will have food for you Barumbabum,  the finest liquor for you Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum.

So I got dresssed up Barumbabumbum, we parked a van near their trucks Barumbabumbum, we smiled and hugged everyone Barumbabumbum, the food was good Lloyd ate 3 plates Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum

Then I had a drink Barumbabumbum, Then I had a drink Barumbabumbum,  Then I had 5 more Barumbabumbum, next thing I knew I was on the floor Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum.

We haven't opened the gifts they cried Barumbabumbum, I said I didn't get you any so it's fine Barumbabumbum  they screamed and cursed at me Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum

Lloyd drove me home Barumbabumbum, he had to stop 2 times Barumbabumbum, the cheap liquor left me Barumbabumbum,  when I passed out I had this dream Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum.

I was dating Optimus Prime Barumbabumbum, I asked him if he could be more Barumbabumbum,  like a washer with a non rusty front door, Barumbabumbum,  he got all screamy saying why you want to change me Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum

I was like because you are a transormer Barumbabumbum, do you ever have wierd dreams like this Barumbabumbum,  it could have been the dip Barumbabumbum, I am too old for this shit, Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum

when we got home I woke up fast, Barumbabumbum,  I promtply stumbled over  our stinking cat Barumbabumbum,   I fell into the tree lost my hat bruised my knee Barumbabumbum, I smashed a present but it was just a sweater, it will survive Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum

My family's pissed at me Barumbabumbum,  but that's the norm you see Barumbabumbum, I have to stop right now Barumbabumbum,  my head is pounding OOOW !  Barumbabumbum, Barumbabumbum, Barumbabumbum

christmas drunk chick passed out

and now.  My Favorite Christmas Carol for 2010. It's worth the 4 minutes because around 3:10 it gets insane !

yep, that pretty much sums up this year.

Happy, Merry, whatever this season means to you, TO You from me.



Sunday, December 19, 2010

Holiday Break ups are stupid

I am not sure about the Northern Ladies but all southern girls know that timing is everything.
Especially in relationships.

For example you never break up with your man within 1 month of your birthday, valentines day or the mother of all mothers,  The Christmas / New Years double whammy combo.

The below is an adaption by me of what recently took place scrolling across my wall as 2 of my friends did a very public break up, which made all of their friends sit back in disbelief of how non intelligent they both look doing this.  Actually they are both smart but apparently when you break up and do it publicly you can't help but look like a MONDO COSTCO sized idiot.  It simply had to be re-enacted.

You are welcome.  Have a good Monday.


Friday, December 17, 2010

uhm yeah- ho whatever..

bletch, my house looks like a bunch of elves busted up in here and puked red green and white everywhere.  I aint complaining I mean I can hardly tell unless I OPEN MY EYES.

This place was 1 dead animal carcus in the hallway from hoarder anyway so seriously whatever.  But last year this crap was up in June and I was all like ahem?  Anyone?  Anyone?  Bueller...  Bueller...

So you can bet if I have to throw a match on this place it will be down one way or another  as soon as it's warm enough for me to open the front door and scream for it to be dragged into the garage again.

Everybody is all running around do awesome great things like TheBloggess-  did you see what is happening over there?  OMG it's like freaking all make you weap and stuff.

Then over at SubWOW Absence of Alternatives Place first I get in last night after what was the closest thing to a freaking crime spree I have been on in at least 7 months (  shout out to Traci and the NOLA near crimes)
exhuasted and all I knew I shouldn't have left the house today and find this on my FB wall.
it's this thing where you just click on that link it takes you to a fb page and POW
you send it to your friends and it United gives a mile to The American Cancer Society.

 Then you pop over to her site she (Absence of Alternatives Place) is all like making you grab Kleenex and feel like a super schmuck because really, Beads of Hope for  kids with cancer at Christmas time?

It's all over the blog world right now and thank goodness they are doing it.  Because I am sort of lazy and bad at that stuff.   But you can see real live stuff unfolding in magical ways.  It's kind of cool so I bow to them an their ability to lead others to do the right thing.

So since I don't have any charity or good  cause and I am all, OMG,  I have to make how many cupcakes?
I will just leave you with the links to their sites.

And of course-  This

Check out a couple of my favorite Blog Stars using Social Media for Good. Even though they pretend to be slightly insane, and don't have a clue how wonderful they are.


It's they are so proportionate that their hearts are as big as their heads.
( their links are above in the story bold, underlined, green)

If you have a blog or saw a blog or heard of a blog doing something so beyond amazing right now go ahead and put the link in your comment.    I approve that kind of stuff.


Wednesday, December 15, 2010


Allegedly.  Definitely, Probably, Maybe. 
For  over a year I have been hard at work mentioning and doing intensive scientific studies thinking about  really important irrelevant stuff.

Remember the Great breaking news when my scientific studies PROVED BEYOND ALL DOUBT  insinuated there was PROOF a slim chance Justank Beaver is  in fact Donny Osmonds love child.  If not click here.

The point here people is that I am pretty much the go to gal for science studies and forensic celebrity investigations.  I know scary right?  That is freaking awesome and I am here just for you. yes you my one faithful reader.

Now here are some issues that made me come up with the hypothesis that Lady Ga Ga is indeed an updated Marilyn Manson.

1- has anyone hear or seen from Marilyn Manson since Ga Ga crashed onto the scene.
2- have they ever been in the same trash can/ room/ rehab/latex store/ state at the same time?
3- If you watch their creepy ass videos with it on mute ( because that shit will brainwash you)  it will appear that you could be watching either of the jerky, artsy, latex spattered, clearly self mutilating music videos where clearly FUCKING UGLY people think they are sexy.
4- They both wear insanely small corsets remember how the Manson rumor was that he had a rib removed to  have a smaller waist and fit into his/her corsets right?
5-  Each of them seem to love grossing people out to the point that sane humans will need a barf bag after listening to them speak or seeing their disgusting fashion choices and cover up their lack of talent with shock factor.

With all these questions and points it was clear I had to do more research.  Because I don't want to be the bitch who messes all this up.
I am going with some visual aids.

Both have a fetish for putting and doing weird things with their eyes and latex clothes.

Both bejazzel their faces in a mask like fashion
Both wear stupid shit on their head, black gloves and have an ugly ass snake like crusty tongues that lean left.
both have such disturbing profiles it's clear they were probably picked on horribly in school even by the stinky kid. However GAGA has learned not to be photo'd from her bad side.  Which is either one.  

Both wear stupid ass ankle breaking boots to make them taller and assier but can walk on lava or the planet Mercury.

I think my theory is coming together here,  but I found out a few more things in my research.

6- Both clearly have some type of minimal musical talent but it is hidden under their trite musical banging and if not for videos and photogs and press they would never be taken seriously.
7- It's apparent he /she/it learned their lesson about having a Fruit loops Tucan profile so GaGa only gets shot head on but you can see it in any of her videos.
8- both their names are double the same letter.  Marilyn Manson ( 2 m's)  Lady GGa ( 2 g's)

Dangerously close to proving my theory I was nearly sucked into their world as if a victim of "Inception" or "Butterfly Effect"  Walking amongst their insanity it was becoming increasingly hard to identify who was who and almost purchased a corset and glued sparkly shit to my face.  Then in as the madness deepened it hit me.

To Prove this theory I will indeed need to turn to my nemesis. Mathematical theory. ( dun dun dun)

the numbers appeared on the paper like magic.

Marilyn Manson                                                    Lady Ga Ga
M is the 13th letter in the Alphabet                             G is the 7th letter in the Alphabet
2x13 is = 26                                                              2x7 is 14
he's non existent now                                                 she is twice as popular as he was so 2x14 is 28
he was androgynous                                                  she had to put LADY in her name so you would know
                      there are 2 chromosomes that determine your sex.
                                                                                if you take away the Lady claim that would -2
                     total findings- Mathematically they are indeed the same person
end result - 26                                                           end result 26

I find these truths to be self evident.  I will also sit back and wait for my Honorary Phd's in all Science, Math and Philosophy to come rolling it.  I will be right here.  Not wearing latex, Not glue shit to my face.  I swear.

* disclaimer none of these photos are mine.  they were sent to me by my crack staff of interns that knew I was working on this for over a year.   I thank them.
*  that first disclaimer was total bullshit.  seriously I have no clue where I got these probably from google searches on FUCKING FREAKS, so if it's YOUR pic, and by that I mean You are indeed Marilyn Manson/Lady Gaga,  call me up we will talk about you paying me for press  you sick bitch.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Smacktastic Spam

I get more spam than those cruise ship passengers on the Carnival Spamder.  I usually just hit the delete and I am lucky enough to be sleeping with the system administrator god of all geek for my ISP. ( its my husband and by sleep with I mean actually sleep with not anything more than that because really I am far too lazy for smexy time)

This weekend I was feeling a tad froggy because I spent a week attempting to kill my liver with nyquil liquid caps washed back with hot toddies.  ( click here for that story)

When I popped over to my blog email and found I had an amazing 123 emails waiting.
30% is random bullshit smack talk interaction with my blog buddies.
20% is actually people emailing for non advice, or a personal comment on my blogs they were too nervous to share
less than 1% is insane business  proposals that are legitimate although quite insane because I don't want my blog turned into a diaper and tampon pimping place.
greater than 49% is spam.
( I totally couldn't use the < and >  because I could NOT remember which meant what so damn it I am like Barbie this morning "math is hard"

anyway here's one that happened over the weekend when I was doped up on nyquil and sick of being sick.


Dear Sir,
My name is Diipak Gupta, and I am the CEO of iSilkRoute Software Technologies. I was just browsing your blog and was wondering if you had considered outsourcing blog management. Blogs need more maintenance than most would fathom and this is why you should consider outsourcing your Blog management to a professional.
It is very much possible to manage your blogs yourselves. But it become very much time consuming. Whether you blog individually or for a company, there is only one goal of a blog – To be more visitors. If you are not a social networking specialist you should understand that your lack of knowledge could very well harm your blog. Getting visitors can be easy in case you can handle SEO (to get search engine traffic) and internet marketing (social media tools). Also you need to update your website quite often. Blogs demand constant upgrading not only weekly but on a daily basis. Updating your blogs can aid with the expansion of your website as well as internet users being able to find your website more easily through search rankings within the major search engines. This can be very stressful to maintain on your own.
A virtual assistant can aid with increasing the time spent with your family while giving you peace of mind that things are getting done in the office. By outsourcing your social media marketing, you do not have to invest in time and money for learning the tools and technologies involved in marketing your business in social media. Outsourcing social media to a knowledgeable company means that they will handle the ins and outs of the different social networks in terms of selecting the ones that will be best for you, finding the right contacts, spreading your message, and monitoring your brand using the various tools that are available.
You just need to provide creative inputs and may invest time in directing the efforts of virtual assistant. Since most of the social media activities that you outsource will be public knowledge, it will be easy for you to observe what we are doing and see how it benefits your company. Also, this does not cost much, you can hire a virtual assistant at $5 per hour. No upfront investment is required and you can test the system out before actually incorporating it into your long term strategy.
What kinds of blogs can be outsourced?
Here are a few examples of "outsourceable" blogs:
•    Blogs that aggregate daily/weekly news
•    Blogs that review gadgets, books, movies
•    Blogs that complement a website
•    Blogs that analyze trends
•    Niche blogs such as health content, tech advice, parenting tips etc
We, at iSilkRoute Software Technologies, propose to explore the opportunity with you as a technology partner by providing you eLearning platform. We intend to meet your current and future requirements. If you are already associated with us, request you to please ignore this mail.
We are looking forward to establish long term association with you. Please feel free to contact us on numbers below.
Yours Sincerely

Dear Non Gender Specific Team;

          Thank you for your email.   I have to say I am very impressed.   First you identify me as a "sir" even though all my websites and writing and photos clearly show that I am a female and you said you checked me out.  Is it because I had my mustache waxed prior to my photo shoots that's confusing you?  If I had more hair on my face would you think I was indeed woman?  It's probably the lipstick and eye liner that's making you think I am a "Sir".    My fault.  But I have total proof I am of the female persuasion  however in order for me to prove it I will need at least 2 of the credit cards you have on file along with the DOB and social security numbers of the people named on those cards.  I must be able to verify you are indeed actual people and over the legal age of 21 prior to sending any visual proof.  Sorry we have these crazy ass laws in the United States that make it that way so send that in.   
          After that I will probably go ahead and hire you even though you want to be hired to be an editor of my blogs and you actually have worse technical writing than I do.  That is indeed shocking.  Not to mention you can't throw around southern colloquialisms  and chances are we will disagree politically and all that jazz. I am totally willing to over look all this because today is my day and in turn it's your day.
        In an unimaginable stroke of luck I was just contacted by a very very rich widow in your country and she needs MY help.  She is willing to compensate me with boatloads of cash once I send her my banking information and I will be rolling in the dough and will want to hire someone like you.
       I have a counter proposal.  I would like to just cut out the middle man.  Me.  You go ahead and help this rich widow chick by sending her your banking info.  Then consider yourself paid by me and go ahead and work for me forever.  Obviously you will be over paid because you can't possibly charge that much to manage and edit 5 blogs  in poor English I do it for next to nothing.  The overpayment I am offering comes with strings attached.  Here are the additional services I require.
      I need a maid, in fact give me two.  I also need a chaffer, a butler, a chef, a pasty chef, a bartender.  A genius and manly manny for my kid would be nice also.  Then I need a masseur,  a personal assistant, a secretary and receptionist.  A couple landscapers and a pool boy will also be needed.  I think the would balance out the ratio of men and women under our employee not just pleasing me but also my husband.  They need to all be highly intelligent, and extremely good looking, that's probably more important.   As much as they are going to be paid by me giving you that widows money I would like my own set of Doctors too.  It will be so nice to have them on staff instead of having to go and see them because all my Doctors here already have names like yours so I am sure you will have no problems finding a team of specialists to work for me.  This still leaves me with a massive over payment according to the widows email so here's what I am thinking.   I really like that Ballywood Dance stuff.  So if you could send me a team of Dancers that have one or two routines for me to watch a week that would be awesome.  After all this just keep the rest for a tip.  Wait, I have a crappy minivan so go ahead and buy me a couple awesome vehicles like a Rolls Royce and Jaguar, have your people fly over with them and handle all that customs crap.  Don't argue you work for me now. Please warn my staff I will be changing all of their names to things like  "Jeeves"  and "  Consulia "  because I can.  No one really believes you guys names are John and Peggy anyway so lets go a little  more " staffy" here .
    If I find out I need more help I will let you know, but for now this sounds like a pretty good deal for you, I am super nice like that.  So just go ahead and send me the needed info and I will start this ball rolling.


I am shocked they haven't gotten back with me, they are probably working out the financial stuff and interviewing my new staff.  It could take a while.


Monday, December 13, 2010

son of a mother fudgin monarch it's freaking Monday again

What the hell does the universe have against me? I know I did some pretty crazy shit back in the late 80's but, "hello universe you put Daytona Beach in my back yard so you need to take some responsibility for this crap".

Here it is a freaking Monday you KNOW I hate Mondays. ( if you don't go over to where I have a weekly feature called Moronic Monday. Over there today in fact I show you how much google loves my smexy beast ass.

Today is so special not just because it's a nut scraping, knuckle dragging, no good smactastic wench of a freaking day called Monday. On top of all that, please shoot me glory, I get to go and meet a new wizard today. That's right people, down the yellow brick road I go again on my own.
( see how I referenced a classic movie with a white snake song and it referred to New Orleans piss covered streets  all in one sentence without even planning it? I amaze even myself. Which is important because I am one of the very  few who reads this friggin blog)

Honestly after 6 years of Doctors I have so little faith each time I am sent to a new one that I just want to say, " can we do this over the phone, I don't want to see your phd face when you say, " WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU??? " .  Like the time the ER Dr actually friggin asked my husband to spell my diagnosis so he could google it in front of us in the ER ( I so didn't pay that bill) or even better when I literally have to introduce you to my diagnosis and explain the causes, affects and treatments while you sit all slack jawed like the haven't picked up a medical book in 20 years dipshit you surely are.

I stand by my famous quote that I live where Great Doctors play golf, not practice medicine.

The only way I will ever get a real Dr is if I were to run onto the golf course in the middle of a televised tournament with 'SAVE MY BRAIN' written on my tits. Now I would trip and stumble over those tube socks filled with cantelopes that used to be hot boobs.

I have an idea for a bumper sticker. - "  Steriods- it's like pulling a ripcord on a chicks parachute ass, second only to a wedding ring".

Can I say that I found out that PJ's give you plenty of leeway. As in you can gain or drop 15 pounds and your PJ's will love and accept you. But jeans, dress slacks, a top with buttons ? OH hell no.

So this morning I will wake up FAR TOO EARLY, then with the assistance of crisco a shoe horn and a complicated pully system devised by my husband I will stuff my fat ass into a non forgiving material a few sizes too small so I look like I am smuggling hams in my pants. Go out in the cold, driving my POS mini van, pay a co pay to a Dr who will surely have little to no knowledge of my issue but will MOST definitely put in a referral to one of their friends so I can do the insurance circle of Medicine dance.

oh Monday I really freaking hate you.  Hope you guys don't have to stab anyone in the throat with a #2 pencil because they are an idiot today.


Thursday, December 9, 2010

Epic History

If you have been following either of my blogs you probably realized that I have an affection for vodka history and chocolate comedy.   Back quite a few months ago I published ( with permission)  World War 2 if it had facebook (here).

Simply put this stuff is epic.  It's accurate and cracks me up.  Pure genius way beyond my scope of  effort or string of conscious thought capabilities. Especially when I am suffering with the plague/flu/hangover stuffs.

So then yesterday I get sent this   -  If Twitter had been around for our Founding Fathers " We hold these tweets to be self evident"  I couldn't reach the genius Matt Silverman in time to get permission and since I don't know nothing about thieving Ms Scarlett I will just link to "that" site for now. Here

Then I got this.  I will admit to you that I shared it via email with about 30 people and then contacted the creater Nice Peter. I went and liked his FaceBook page ( here) and sent him an email asking if I could share his video over here on the pits. Here is his reply.


Most definitely.
Feel free to embed any of my youtube videos on your wonderfully peachy vlog. 

-nice peter

Ok  people,  I got a smiley face (BONUS) and I have to tell you seeing  "Nice Peter to You"  on my email  (DOUBLE BONUS) was pretty damn funny all in itself.

So check out this Rap Battle between the Awesome Abe Lincoln and the Grand Master Chuck "hammer nails with my nuts" Norris.   from the Genius of Nice Peter.

Dare I say...  Indeed Sir Abe and Master Norris  This battle was epic !
I hope you all enjoyed it as  much as I did and now you can run about liking Nice Peters Facebook and subscribing to his YouTube and leaving funny comments for him.

I am totally ready for the weekend.

***DISCLAIMER***- I have spent the last 49+ hours totally hopped up on Nyquil and junk. ( by junk I mean hot toddies)   So I may find myself and these posts way funnier right now then they appear in the mirror.   Also did you guys know they stuck a liver damage warning on Nyquil?  WTF?  Really cause I am thinking washing those Nyquil back with a Hot Toddie can only add to my chances of winning this lotto.  

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

When you can use the F word.

In real life it has been said I may have a bit of a potty mouth.   So I thought who better to give you examples of when it is ok to say things like -  " THE F WORD "

Yes the above photos show you a simple guideline of when it is most definitely acceptable for anyone to use the F word in combination with a string of foul language and even after the fact like when speaking to the insurance adjuster.

But below-  below are examples of when you are definitely allowed to scream it at the top of your lungs!

Now, since I am effin sick, I will be in my effin bed with effin kleenex hoping some effin wonderful person will make me some effin matzo soup and make me effin better.

f this.


Monday, December 6, 2010

A year in the shitter !

July 2009 my husband bought me a new phone. I was excited, even though it wasn't the coolest, smartest, easiest every to use phone it was new to me and he had researched the best signal receiving cell phone for our hell pit house which is infamous for the ability to block any signal as if were a nun at co ed dance night.

Anyway in December of last year my lap top was inadvertent broken by a friend going through an immense tragedy.  So my laptop isn't a laptop anymore and I have a monitor on my end table hooked too it, since compaq  wont replace a broken screen.  Same trip,  a heinous non human waste of flesh hag medical professional  managed to step on my phone and break it.  So for a year I have had my laptop hooked to a monitor and my cell phone held together by scotch tape.  Yeah I know I am so classy you wish you were me.

However with money as it is and priorities as they are, I have hobbled along in broken technology land doing the best I can with what I have.

Then Thursday night the Droid takes me to radio shack and forks out the dough ray  me to purchase me a new phone for Christmas.   It's an AT&T LG that's all I know.  It' also my very first qwerty keyboard having cell phone, it's also my first tough screen.

It is FREAKING AWESOME.  if you are within tongue licking distance to a cell tower.  IN addition I just had to move my sim card over to supposedly transfer the address book that for 18 months I have been saving to the sim card.

Not so much, in fact not at all.  So I have to try to add each of you as you send in your info.
This means when you TXT me saying OMG, what is up with so and so did you see their wall. I will write back, wtf is this and what are you talking about.  I will continue to embrace my delusion that every one who calls or texts and isn't in my book is Brendan Frasier.   You can be like rehab and send the right info. I know not everyone will, like my sweetheart Brendon,  but that's very sexy  top secret relationship and we are tying to keep it on the down low.

Ok people that's all for today I have to go because I think if I stand on my roof on a metal folding lawn chair  while wearing an aluminum hat and  stainless steal panties I may get lucky and catch a random signal.


Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Dumped but with kindness

I have noticed over the past few months that I am quite the bitch maybe not as nice to people in public as I should be.  So until I can get my social butterfly wings back I  am not allowed to leave the house limit my public appearances.

This is an issue.  Due to where I live ( 5thousand and 2 miles from any civilization).  There is no food delivery, or grocery delivery or people. Hell we are lucky to have sunlight piped in and on random occasion phone service.

So I jump on the web yesterday and did some Christmas shopping.  In 3 stores/websites I had knocked out nearly all of my shopping  and for a lot less than I would have spent on the bail money had I gone out in public and had to jack somebody up.

I got clearance deals and free shipping and cyber week sales and woot I never even had to get dressed or comb my hair.  This is what I am talking about.   

All my confirmation emails came in I did it early enough to not worry about shipping times.  I was so proud of myself for doing that all that and bargain shopping to stay in budget was worth it.

Then as my Grandmother used to say, " pride cometh before the fall "

I woke up this morning ( far too early)  and in my email was what can only be construed as a Dear John letter to me.

This totally wreaks of a break up letter where they say, " oh it's not you " and that stirs up bad repressed feelings that make me even more stabby.

There's nothing in the letter saying that they are giving me my money back. I don't want a personal shopper I am quite capable of looking for cheap stuff on my own.  

I should also mention that this order was the one where I bought all of you a present, and now they aren't filling it so boo your Christmas is ruined too.  

I need chocolate.  NOW !