Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Well dingbat since you asked...

Over on my other place. The place where I am nice. (BeingPeachy.com) I have this tell it Tuesday Non Advice Column and give absolutely stupid advice I channel straight from my Dalmatians Brain.  People know they are getting advice from a totally unqualified person, but they write anyway and I don't even bribe them with Cheesecake.

You are welcome to send your questions in to beingpeachy at gmail dot com

But this is one  question/comment  I had to answer. It nearly drove me to the brink of a doing a reverse look up on the IP and sending over a dead octopus with instructions on how to shove it in their ass then poop it out into their air and heating ducts. I couldn't put what I wanted over there. Because posting it on my regular Being Peachy blog would have thrown 2/3rds of my followers into stab mode.
That's right out of the 3 people that read my blog 2  would have become Homicidal.

The true meaning of this "spare/extra" blog came to light.  I didn't. instead and   So I decided this was the place I could call BS, or proclaim the reign of utter morons. Simply put, this blog is the pits, what's left when you run out of Peach.  So thank you, you gianormus cerebral fart for showing me why I started this place up.

Here is the one that pushed the buttons that caused me to push the buttons that made this place be delivered to you via a bored person looking for a victim.

Peaches:   I see on your Face Book, twitter and blogs that  you often joke about brain injuries and such and some people might think it's funny.  I don't.  Do you know what hardships a person with a Brain Injury has to go through.  How dare you make light of it.   
Put yourself in their shoes

Dear Hoity Toity Self righteous heffer who thinks I should put myself in their shoes.  One of my dear friends had a series of strokes/bleeds in her brain and nearly died, her life and the life of her entire family is forever altered.  But that's not my story or my shoes so here's a clue dingus.  I worked in a TBI hospital for children.  Let me spell that out little Miss my poop don't stink.  That's Traumatic Brain Injury.  We had kids from age 7 to 18 for long term 24.7 rehab that went from 2 months to 18 months.   I DO IN FACT KNOW VERY WELL what it does to people, not just the person but the entire family. I watched parents not able to accept their "new child" with all the changes.  Do you know why I left my career in the field of law and went into this field?  Nope probably not, because I had a child who was diagnosed with autism ( and every other mental health issue known to man) and at the time that was the closest thing I could find as a job that I could use to help him and still make money to feed him.   Oh yeah and just a side note smart ass warrior Shena self designated defender of the Brain Damaged. I happen to have an issue with my brain and have had 5 surgeons ready to cut it open to try and help even though they weren't sure how, in all of them I would end up with considerably less skull, and more titanium to hold my head on like a toothpick.  Every day I crawl out of my bed I watch how my brain issues affect my children, husband and friends. The daughter away at college paying her own way working 40+ hours while she takes 18 hrs a semester, while driving an 89 build because Mom can't work anymore and her college money was spent on my health.  My 9 year old that will more than probably have to put himself through school like his sister due to my issues and our income.  That same 9 year old boy who sits inside once the temp hits over 90 ( around 7 months a year), because his mom is subjected to hyperthermia due to her meds that's no summer fun, ponds, pools, going places, sports or anything.  The friends I have to apologize to because I write  emails that look like they were typed in a foreign language and my husband, who spends all his annual leave from work  to drive my ass to Doctor after Doctor and watching them all be useless.  I mean I am positive that all my kids and my husband enjoy picking me up off the floor when I pass out, or following an ambulance  down the road to sit in an ER for hours just to hear,  " what does she have" from every Doctor as they back out of the room to google my diagnosis.   I mean who would want to go to a water park, camping, kayaking, canoeing, to  mall, or anything like that, have vacations, help their kid through school, have 2 incomes to make ends meet. OH yeah  MY FAMILY and me.  What kid shouldn't worry when they hear a thud that it's probably their mom hitting the floor again?  I came to the internet because it's one of the few things I can still do without having to bug some already burdened family member to help.   Yep, no shit.  OH yeah and I laugh about it, I joke about, and I get through it. Because you can pull on your big girl panties, suck it up and do the best you can with what you got.  That goes for Brain Damage, Strokes, Autism or any other issue. No matter the issue.  Or   I guess I could sit around and publicize my poor little self and whine and bitch constantly and get offended when someone says, "tard" or  " OMG I am so ADD",  " Dude what are you Rainman?" or  "this isn't Brain Surgery".  But why?  Is your life so friggin boring you have to stumble around the internet to find crap to complain about that probably doesn't have a damn thing to do with you to begin with?   So you take up some superficial shield to guard all these helpless victims.  Your an idiot, simply put. STOP TRYING TO MAKE VICTIMS. We don't need more victims in this world, we need more survivors, more laughing, more warriors. We  don't need your kind of defense, any more than any other person with a medical issue or disability.  If you can't laugh at yourself, your troubles and your triumphs then you're a miserable Bitchasourus Rex.  Go crochet a friggin dog snugglie you can pawn on Etsy with a 1500 word description for 'CROCHETED DOG SNUGGLIE".    Unless you're Dr. Laura and you want to complain about me having the right to complain about something then kiss my ass, oh and if you are her, kiss it twice moron, my butt cheeks get all jealous so take a moment out of your busy skimming around and say something offensive to others. Hell with a resume like this I am sure you could get a job at the Post.  I hear they hire a lot of idiots, you should be a shoe in.  Don't let the door hit you on the way out.  

PS if you could please hum in your mind the goodbye/farewell song from the sound of music as you leave that would be great".

no xo for you.  

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Katrina 5 years later

There will probably be a lot of deep posts about today.  The anniversary of Katrina.  Blaming the government and Fema.
This wont be one of them.  I feel it is your right to live free in this country, I believe it is your duty to care first for your family and then for your neighbors.  I do not feel anyone has the RIGHT to demand a hand out.

If you want to use your handout on a home you never owned, that the state probably paid for anyway then you can use your  Fema checks to buy big screen TV's and fancy shoes.

Katrina was an act of Nature.  It was a deadly storm of epic proportions that had never been seen in our area.
Entire cities were gone. roads, government buildings, schools, and nearly every single residence.  Gone. That quick.

I can't speak for FL or AL on this, since they weren't on the news either, but I can say. The Mississippi Gulf Coast is a strong, resilient proud people, who will give the shirt off their back to help a neighbor.

Yeah we all got screwed by the insurance and Fema.  Yeah my company even though the servers never went down took a hit that crippled it and even 5 years later our business and finances have not recovered.  Did we get a check? Nope, mother natures wasn't cutting the "I'm sorry I tore your shit up" checks.   We went back to work, all the years of building our business, our financial safety net were gone.  But we were alive, we did better than most, we are grateful for what we have, and gained respect for what we had.

So Katrina, I thank you, I thank you for showing me the true character of the people I live around, I thank you for sparing us compared to many others, I thank you for making my family and my marriage stronger.

With all that said,  Please do not ever subject me to that kind of tragedy again.  I still dream about it, the horror, the pain, the loss.  I think once in a lifetime is more than enough.

If it's not real enough-  go look at the pics.

Our Casinos
My friends and family- immediately after the storm
Historic Places and museums 
There was no where to look that wasn't destroyed. I took my kids on a drive through 5 cities. Here's what we saw

A lot of people died.  It was a tragic moment in history we can all learn from

So look at your house, your nieghbors house, the gas station and the grocery store today and smile. Smile you have power, smile that you have loved ones, smile that you have a place to sleep tonight.  Then thank the thousands of people who stepped up to help my state, asking nothing in return, and have been here 5 years rebuilding .    Thank you.  Thank you for every piece of rubble, Thank you for every board you nailed, Thank you for every meal you served. Thank you.


My own elderly father had just paid off his house finally 2 weeks prior to Katrina, he got 10k to start his life, from a slab.  70 years of life, gone.  But he was alive.

My stroke riddled mother had a shelter roof fall on her head and was taken a state away and we couldn't find her for days. When we did she was in brain surgery and had another stroke.

Our house, well we were so lucky. We lost our chimney, thanks to a trampoline flying over our 2 story house, it took down a wall with it.  And a tree came through the family room window.

We had went to TN that weekend to visit our son in the hospital, we had a feeling and made our 17 year old daughter join us against her wishes, and my father join us also with his 2 little dogs.

I hear people say, how can you live on the Gulf of Mexico. I couldn't deal with hurricanes.  Here's a clue.  There are natural disasters EVERYWHERE.
You see with an earthquake or tornado you have little to no warning, it just happens, you have seconds to react.  With a hurricane you have atleast around a weeks notice if you chose to stay and not secure your property, that's YOUR chocie.  You don't get the right to stab or rape people in a stadium because you are stressed.
If you  chose to set for 5 days on the interstate with your family and find the tools to make signs that say WHERE IS FEMA WE WANT FOOD."  Well let's just say this fat chick can walk a long long way in 5 days. Even carrying my child.  I promise I can walk to food even with my health issues.

2 of my nephews only in their teens stayed with their girlfriends and their families, in their upscale homes.  My nephews as young as the were,   took the families into the attics as the water filled the first and second floors of these 1/2 million dollar homes,  then into the attics, and had the forethought to grab an axe on the way up.
Did they sit on the roof holding up signs?  No, they jumped in raging water full of debris made it to floating objects or boats and chopped other neighbors out of their attics.

The aftermath sucked.  No money, no phones, no cell -phones, no internet, no gas, no electricity no food.  So we gathered as a community and would pool our money and send 1 or 2 vehicles 2 states away in the hopes to find gas to run vehicles and generators.  If we had each handled our own household, some people wouldn't have made it.

Taking care of the elderly and the young took priority , we kept the kids cool by running water on the generator and having them all play in the bathtubs.  The elderly, had canned food, they shared, in addition we shared clean water and did frequent checks and manual labor.

My neighbors had already tarped my roof by the time I went through TN, AL, and FL to get back to the Gulf Coast.  Why?  because rednecks own chainsaws. Interstates and Highways get cleaned and cleared on the state/fed gvt timeline. However I knew every redneck would chainsaw middles out of trees so they could check on their friends and family.

The point is, so little media focused on MS, AL, FL gulf coast who got obliterated buy Katrina.  Why?  We were just too busy helping each other out, that we didn't have time to scream on the news how entitled we were to a hand out.

Just in case you doubt my authority on this situation.  My company had our servers located in downtown New Orleans, just blocks from the Superdome.  The cameras ran out the window 24/7 through the entire thing, we saw people headed to work, and no water on the streets after Katrina. Our building even got invaded by the national guard because they saw power.  Little did they know we had a federal writ allowing us 14 days of generator fuel due to the importance of the other companies in the building.  But surprise we didn't need it, the building had power the entire time. Better surprise, since they breached the building they now had to guard it.

So I guess my point here is,  what is your moral fiber?  When the shit hits the fan, "WHO ARE YOU".  are you the entitled whiner who never paid attention to the news, warnings, and are used to being handed your 'entitlements"  or are you the" roll up your sleeves and be grateful you're alive no matter how shitty it is at that moment person?"

My daughters senior year of high school lost over a month of class due to her high school being one of the few that withstood the storm because it was 7 miles north of the interstate, and it was turned into a shelter. ( everything south of the interstate was gone. just gone) Did we go down and volunteer?  Yeah.  did we have many families that had less than us staying in our house or yard, strangers or not?  yeah.  Why? because if the situation was reversed, we would need and want that.  Are we super human , wonderful people, exceptional thinkers?  NO.

To the people who have never been here but sat by their TV sets crying for us.  To the people that stopped their lives and headed here with things they had collected to help us. To the people that came to rebuild to help strangers to be there.  To the people that have heard this story too many times.   You are the heroes.   Driving to check on someone and seeing random things like a family from MN pulled over in a rented Uhaul with a home made sign saying, " MN loves you,  we have supplies."  A clean shirt never felt so wonderful, and a hug from a stranger never conveyed so much.   There were families or groups from VA, MN, IL, and South Florida that I saw personally doing this. I am sure there were so many more I didn't see. Thank you.


I was contacted by someone who wrote their own first hand version of Katrina from the New Orleans Point of View.  I want you to please go and read her story.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Back to School. Important tips you should know.

Ok so even though my little prince is rounding out his 3rd week in 4th grade and my daughter finishes her bachelors this year.I am a tad bit stabby about the entire  supply list/homework issue.  Selling organs and  dog hair on ebay has not worked well enough for me to cover their expenses.
I realize some of you are hearing the choir of angles as your short ones return to the educational system. Allowing you to cut  back on your "happy pills". ( while the teachers dosage goes up)
To help decrease the " I hate your guts" factor and possibly lessen the chances of them getting to sit all alone at a table for every lunch the rest of their lives and put kittens in a sack, I have come up with a list of DON'TS.  I love you that much.

Step 1-  Appearance is EVERYTHING.

That entire beauty is only skin deep is total bullshit, I mean what's on the inside counts on the computer and  it counts eventually but don't think for 1 second that your looks do not play a part in how you get along. Don't let your child no matter how brilliant or stylish go unmonitored by your parental common sense. Do NOT let your 7 year old daughter dress like a hooker. You're asking for major issues.  Do not let your teenagers run wild with your credit card.  You don't really want the yearbook pictures to look like this do you?

mugshots and goth chick, you really don't want these for yearbook photos,
I am sure they have cute, nearly normal baby photos, maybe

Step 2- Shop Smart

When purchasing school supplies, remember your child will be around other children.  Not within the safe protective environment you provide. Somethings just automatically put your child on the sit alone at lunch list and might as well just say KICK ME IN THE FACE.   Skip these.

bad buys, don't send your kids to school with these.
loving Cher and Beefcakes is  barely ok at home, but at school it just says, "throw raw meat at me"

Step 3-  Your presence.

Please remember the other kids will see you during school visits, drop offs and pick ups.  Please do NOT make these kind of images associated to your child unless that college fund you started when they were babies can be transfered into a Therapy fund.

bad dad costume and bad car line pick up ideas
OMG Daddy please go away, easy to spot the Grands in the car line

Luckily I live in a very rural area ( and by rural I mean armpit of the universe).  So we don't put up with things like this. Which scares me beyond belief because I never sent my kids to a SHCOOL.

school sign spelled wrong on road in a school zone. written shcool
Mostly because all of our roads aren't all paved and the paint we do have  is used on the water tower. Apparently Jimmy Bob loves Janie Sue.

Clues something might be wrong

But I will tell you that no matter how lazy you are, you may need to consider the car rider option or change of class request.  I know that totally messes with sleeping in and afternoon nap times but if the school bus looks something like this, or the teacher like this, honestly spare them the trauma.

chitty chitty bang band child round up and a scary harry potter teacher
if the bus looks like this, or the teacher like this, consider Private School

If you have run into any of the things on this list, fix it over the weekend.  Because really,  8 hours a day with people laughing at you is too much for anyone. Unless your a comedian and then you get paid. Then you can afford private school.
So go forth and enjoy the heck out of your weekend.  Hug your kids ( or pet) and live this weekend, don't just exist because that is just so lazy.



Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Facebook Friends- every Thursday and all laughs

Yep it’s that time of the week where I pull a random post straight off my facebook account and share it with you. Remember if your facebook doesn’t look like my facebook you need way cooler friends.

Last week the simple status -" I just took a shower"  had 94 hilarious comments.
    My facebook friends are remarkable, twisted, sly, smart, and I think they all have a zombie apocalypse action plan.   What I really need to stress here people is that

  Last week after a series of horrible comments on other peoples blogs, and jumbled tweets. I did what anyone once would do.  I looked for a patsy  to blame it on.  So I wrote a blog post about how it was my cat's fault.   Next thing you know the heated match debate involving a
 fictional I hope restraining order on me making,
 info session would begin including lawyers.

Here ya go folks.

Funny Facebook threads awesome comments about cat hacker.
I-AM-TYPO-QUEEN !! ( sing to Iron Man tune)

friends on face book make funny comments on a silly thread.
Sometimes even I get lost in my own status message.

I am the queen of typos, and my cat has a lawyer
this got ugly fast, my cat lawyered up.

my friends answer obscure questions on facebook
How do my friends know this info? Never mind.

I have the coolest face book friends ever, they are hilarious
You keep friends like this close. Really close

lawyers, pets, friends, restraining orders, face book, friends
I have never been called Habitual but it sounds kind of hot. updating resume

the lawyer makes a typo woo hooo
last comment, typo from the lawyer, woo hoo. about time

fun with facebook friends, funny stuff, lawyers, and hacking cats
who needs E-Harmony anyway.

movie quotes, song lyrics, and presidential / star slams or obligatory
and BAM it took a hella set up but I met my quote of slams.

baby names on facebook, only minutes after meeting that is super cool
Baby names? Cool to know Rachels read to jump on Brad, I mean board

face book thread over 100 comments,  all over a cat
Shane. much like the statistician at High School basketball. I thank you.

I think we covered all mandatory includes, expect zombies, pirates and ninjas
I like to think my universe is wavy like BonJovi's slipper when wet album cover

and then {crickets} because all my friends are brilliant and Mensa material they  steer clear of any Parallel Universe comment.   It's part of the vow of discloser/ gag order we have. Don't want to scare the little people.
I have to tell you guys, you almost got a shorter post, but not from my wall.  From my local news.  I spend days lamenting that I breath the same air the people who comment on my news stations post.
So that's it's, head out and onward.  Remember if your facebook friends are not this cool then you will probably need to friend some of them.  But block your grandma and creepy Uncles, because I hear that's a real drag.



Tuesday, August 24, 2010

That Justank Beaver kid and his fevers.

I have been spared from the Beaver fever.  It's apparently worse than the swine flu combined with e coli and a touch of syphilis dementia thrown in for that special dash of insanity blend.
Here's the deal, I have figured out that this Beaver kid has obviously used some type of mass hypnosis,( allegedly),  similar to that sparkly vampire stalker crap making grown women want to swoon over a pasty fictional entity.
I am sure they are either putting this insanity stuff in tampons or the public water systems. It's even making even some of my dear friends nearly wiggidy whack, get on my short list of people I need to get POA on,  act a bit odd. I am sad because if they start to turn into zombies I will have to off them with a double tap and I really do like my friends.   But I am thinking this is similar to mad cow which we all know is just a thin line from zombie status.
I couldn't find the remote and was forced like a POW lucky enough to catch an interview with little Justank Beaver.
I have a couple conclusions, in addition to his ability to make nearly anyone with a uterus or drinks public water scream like they lit their own hair on fire,  and he's probably the anti christ,and he's spoiled out  of this world and should be diced, chopped and ground up  by a product from Billy Mays. He might want to try an exercise in humility, because the only thing worse than a self righteous, all powerful, money having spoiled teen, is the years we have to watch them crash and burn and hit rehab and or optional jail.
Here's another conclusion and probably the most profound one.
I am positive, pretty darn sure, think he is might be the illegitimate love child of Donnie Osmand.
Here's why.

justin bieber is probably donny osmonds love child. allegedly
Spooky? yeah I know. Check out the PURPLE on Justin
Remember Donny's socks?  ( if you don't your too young and therefore you should be out partying not reading my old lady who remembers Donny Osmond's socks were ALWAYS PURPLE  blog.
Is this just a coincidence?  That some obscure kid has just been "discovered and propelled into modern famedom.  Even though he sounds like he belongs in the Vienna Boys Choir unless he has that Magical Mr. Microphone (we all had or wanted)  altering his voice like HAL.
Is it just a coincidence he is the spitting image of Donny Osmond?   Is it  merely a fantastical shot that made them look alike and Justin wearing purple?

donny osmond and justin bieber, that beaver kid
Again with the purple.
So we know that due to The Osmonds religion they are to have huge families and in wedlock.  But we all know Donny had to be a player.  So I am thinking that he used his left over money from his Donny and Marie Show to pay musicians with street cred  to promote his un recognized secret son.  Then through some voodoo hex, people were disillusioned enough to think he had talent or appeal. My kids weren't allowed to take opposite sex phone calls at his age, let alone get on stage and sing about love. Dangerous People. I tell you "By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes."
I write this wearing my tin foil hat , asbestos pajamas and  drinking my artesian well water.  Yeah I am definitely safe. Probably.   The Question here is, are you?