Tuesday, November 30, 2010

just wow

I spent the last 4 days pushing a cause.  I am not a cause blogger.  I blog cause I want to.  I put away my super man cape years ago when I realized I was helping everyone but myself.  But I got out the old  ratty moth riddled cape and blue the dust off it.

Since my cape was all crusty and stuff, and I am not a famous big name blogger or a "known name"   I turned to you, my friends,  my readers, other bloggers.  You did not let me down.  You ironed and starched your capes. and took off with the cause of support for Trevor.  Trevor is 13 in UAB having serious open heart surgery today 11/30/2010.

If you haven't please go click attending on his FaceBook event Blue Out for Trevor by clicking here.

The amount of comments offering well wishes, prayers, support on all of the blogs and facebook walls simply has blown my mind.  So I tried to " summarize" it for Trevor and his family by making a little video.  Enjoy

Think of Trevor today and his family.  It has been a real honor watching social media support Trevor.


If you can help financially this is the PayPal that has been set up to help.

All bloggers doing a post, or placing one of Trevors cool badges on their site ( you can see them on my right ad space)  please go ahead and log in on Mr Linky !

Sunday, November 28, 2010

I'm Blue and you should be too !

Here is why.  Trevor is 13.  Trevor is in UAB hospital. Tomorrow, Tuesday 11/30/2010,  Trevor will be having a serious open heart surgery.  I found out via his cousin Heather who simply emailed asking for people to pray for him.  So I thought for a second and began wondering if the blogosphere or social media in general could do anything to help.

It did here's just a couple examples


which lead to this
I started seeing blue everywhere on Facebook !

I mean my entire wall

I didn't alter this, it's an actual screen shot of my facebook wall, all blue.

and the bloggers,  wow.   I don't even know where to start or how to thank them.  
Rabbit made the twibbons for twitter and facebook.
Thanks Miceal

some did posts and used Mr Linky to let us know.



and she's mailing it to him.

and of course everyones favorite animator  JC


The comments on JC's post were so wonderful.

So there ya go, social media isn't just used to sell  stuffed sock monkey dolls and  join in coupon /recipe rings.  It can be overwhelmingly wonderful.  

This is an example of why I am proud of  my internet community.

Thanks guys, and if you are a blogger and you want to link up go to http://www.thepeachy1.com
If you want your facebook colored blue  friend me on FB and comment on the wall.
If you want a twibbon for twitter it's there.


Friday, November 26, 2010

It's just wrong

At one time long ago when I had a little spare cash and lived in climate friendly Florida I participated in the  mayhem that is "BLACK FRIDAY".   I had my daughter and her friends, they had maps, lists, my plastic, they were strategically placed at stores for optimum item retrieval.  They went through my boot camp which  I modeled after Navy Seal boot camp and my entire seasons shopping was done before 11am on the Friday following Thanksgiving.  I was a warrior.  They were my legion.

Now my daughter is away at college and I am not sure if there is even enough cash in the bank to gas up the van. Not to mention that you couldn't drag me into a store this morning unless I was allowed to bring a Tazer and ride one of those scooters after it was beefed up and had spiked wheels and a force field. Oh and the guys in this video.

So I will lay about grazing on left overs, wondering why I didn't sleep in, watching the news stories roll in about the madness that has taken place all in the interest of "holiday spirit".

If you find great deals, go ahead and pick something up for me. I always love gifts, or you can just go ahead and get yourself something nice and say it's from me that way you don't look all greedy and stuff.  I love you that  much.


Do you know about Trevor?  Blue Out for Trevor on 11/30 . Add  a badge and add your link !


Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Tuesday 4 Trevor

Today as you are making plans for Thanksgiving I need to borrow a second of your time.

Whether you are cringing at  bouncing from the thought of seeing all of the Holiday people I hope we might all take a second to put ourselves in these shoes.

There's a cool little guy named Trevor and here's the story.

If you read nothing else I write or nothing else anywhere today please take the time to read this.  Due to extremely grave circumstance with a friend of mine last year 2 states away I met a lovely lady named Heather via facebook but never in real life.  She worked with the husband of my friend, and reached out to him, his work, and my friends 3 children she had never met.  She is not a blogger but I can vouch for the year I have known her on FB that she is certainly an exceptional, human being.  She went above and beyond time and time again to go out of her way to help the family even though she had never met my friend or the kids.

Now in a horrible twist of fate I bring you Trevors story via his loving cousin Heather.


“My 12 year old cousin, Trevor B, is going to be having heart surgery on Nov 30that UAB.  He began having issues last year while playing baseball and it was discovered that he has hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy .  It is  a very scary procedure and there is a chance that he will not make it.  If he does make it through the surgery he will be dealing with this for the rest of his life.

“Trevor will be in the hospital for quite some time (ICU for at least 7 days and another 7 days in a regular room at minimum).  I am getting up a care package for my cousin (Todd B) and Trevor’s mom (Terra).  I wanted to reach out to you guys first to ask that you pray for Trevor and his family in the coming weeks”


Ok people this means a 13 ( birthday)  year old boy whose adventure in this world  is just beginning is not only stuck in ICU isolated, far from home, loved ones and team mates but he is facing a life that will pretty much remove his love of participating in sports.

We know this world can suck, and bad things happen to good people and children become ill every day.  It’s not right it’s not fair, but there is nothing we can do about it usually.

This time you can.  I am asking, actually begging for you to send Trevor a card, if you have little kids let them make Trevor a card. If you can get your local High School Football, baseball or basket ball team to send a group card or picture with their autographs( which makes high schoolers feel super cool)  EVEN better.  If you have age appropriate books you are looking to get rid of,  or happen to know someone who is an athlete that would ROCK.

I fully understand that right now the economy is in the trash and a lot of people are living paycheck to paycheck. I would NEVER ask  anyone to do without to donate to someone they haven’t met.  But I do ask that if you can, even $1  would make a difference.  His parents costs to be near him 24/7 are approaching $1500 a week, and the type of parents Trevor has are a blessing because they are THOSE type of parents that wouldn’t leave little guy alone even if it met sleeping in the bushes to do it.

I have 380+  Twitter Followers,   1290 Face Book Friends,  and between the 2 blogs I am guessing around 500 visitors a week.  If each one of you sends just $1  and just 1/2 of you send a card. Imagine the support and love Trevor and his family would receive.  I have watched the internet and social media do so much good for so many people.

If you can’t swing a card, a minimal donation or a small token, I understand, if this is your case I ask you to get with your higher power whatever it is, and send good thoughts to Trevor.  If you can think of him during your Thanksgiving supper and send out a silent thought that’s fine, it will make a difference.

I have never met Trevor. Clearly that is my loss, the more I learn the more I find out what an awesome little guy he is.

Mail everything to  his Cousin, Heather, she will be handling the mail and taking bundles over. I say bundles because I am optimistic that social media will indeed come through.  I am not a power blogger or a famous person.  I am just a chick thankful she was able to enjoy her youth and make huge mistakes and live on the edge, who turned into a Mom even more thankful, it’s not my 3 kids in there, with my world on it’s head scrambling as my heart breaks to let my child know he is loved and does matter and so many people care.

If you can donate anything even $1.00 like I said before it will be so appreciated by those that know and love him and of course by me more than you will ever know.

Last year my little Prince was 8,  he told me to use the money I saved up for his Christmas to go help my friend.  He said he had his mom and dad for Christmas my friends kids didn’t.  This year he wants to pay it forward to Trevor.  Yes my 9 year old informed me today even though he only asked for 2 things for Christmas to either give them the money I would have spent on one of those or to send the gift to Trevor.   I spend every day in awe of my Prince who 10 Dr’s said would probably never survive, who was supposed to stay in NICU for months on end, who shows more compassion, understanding and humanity than most adults I have ever met.

If you are a blogger and willing to participate in a blog post for Trevor please let me know via email  beingpeachy@gmail.com


You can click on the paypal secure link below to do a donation to help with costs associated with Trevors hospitalization.

From the bottom of my heart I thank you for reading along and hope you are moved to reach out with whatever you are comfortable doing.



If you can help financially this is the PayPal that has been set up to help.

4 trevor, a plea for love, caring and support for a young boy
To send cards, photos and other great ideas to
c/o  Heather Hendrix
942 Lee Road 374
Valley AL 36854
Thanks again. You people are  AWESOME !!!
4 Trevor !!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, November 22, 2010

If you're having Turkey..

If you hare having Turkey might I suggest you go ahead and buy that today.  There is of course a reason I say this, I don't just go throwing suggestions out all willy nilly.

 I always over cook for all holidays,  invite everyone, including strangers and military people I don't know who may be all alone. It's my thing. I have always done it. I never have less than 6 people but could have up to 25 or 30 any given holiday. Everyone is always welcome, it's a serious production and I cook for days to prepare.  But in 2004 I started having funky undiagnosed medical issues, in 2005 Hurricanes kicked our financial butt and we have been working hard  to recover but not quite making it.  In 2008 my daughter moved out for college in 2009 my son had moved out. I took both of these events really hard and they happened within 50 days of me founding out what my medical problems were, which was just not good news on any level.On top of all our family issues, one of my long time friends had just suffered a serious major medical issue and it was touch and go in ICU and I worried about her and her young family although I was helpless and heartbroken. To say the holiday mood just wasn't upon me would be an understatement.
No one else in the family ever cared if I had the  HUMONGO  event I always thought I needed, in fact they usually rolled their eyes and avoided me acting like I tortured them into being there.  Honestly it  was my own neurotic we HAVE to have a tradition mental status that drove it, and I just didn't have it in me last year.
The day before Thanksgiving my daughter shows up and  then my mom calls. OH holy bat turds. You mean I have to climb out of my pity party and pull this off again folks?  Also I need to do it on a budget of -42.57  well this is just already smelling of sparkly awesome.
I slipped off my proverbial pity party water wings and did some financial magic tricks. ( you know that proverbial money tree the husband and kids think you have, yeah it involved that.) Against my better judgement I bothered to get out of my pajamas and actually went to the store to buy a turkey.
There are a few problems with buying a turkey on the night before Thanksgiving.
#1- You know you will have issues thawing it
#2- There might be a limited selection
#3- combine 1 and 2 and you get holy craptastic bird day folks they only have hypothermic birds that a only second mortgage can purchase and they aren't available in any store located in my state.
so for your math people that's  1+2= your screwed. ( there may or may not be a test )
I finally at the 3rd store found a bird but it cost more than my vehicle. I kept looking,  store number 4 was a waste of time but I got a twix bar and mt dew  to  rejuvenate me in battle, because they were straight up out of double mocha latte Valium.  The 5th store I found a bird, although he was roughly frozen to the solidity state of a cannon ball he was less than the cost of a bionic arm so I bought him.  But not before I dropped him and actually cracked the tile on the supermarket floor.  Sorry about that unnamed store that was me.  Well actually it was your bird and therefore your bad.    I blame you since you should have had it somewhat thawed by Thanksgiving eve your a bunch of shatards and obviously deserve broken floor tile.
So by 6pm I am home with a bird that there is no hopes of thawing and cooking for 1pm feast in just 17 hours.   Panic + Vodka = Epiphany. ( that is math question number 2, well sort of, it's a word problem but it has math symbols so I guess it's higher math or something.)
I threw the bird in the hot tub and turned on the jets.  I sat and watched him spin head over nubby little would be feet and figured I would drain then bleach and possibly burn the hot tub afterwards.  See I have this aversion to poultry.  Kind of like my aversion to bugs.  If I see a bug I will go to any lengths to make sure it and anything it touched pays dearly. With poultry, I have to bleach repeatedly anything that could have touched it, or throw it away.
I wasn't sure if it would work. Would this sexy hunk of arctic poultry thaw. Would it reach a temperature that bred some bacteria that would send us all to the ICU with some funky butt explosion disease?  Was I going to run out of Vodka before this damn bird finished spinning missing head over butt ?
So the long and short.  It worked, the Turkey was tender, and juicy and yummy. In the culinary world it would have been described as very relaxed. But wouldn't you be after 5 hours in the hot tub?
It was cooked and served on time.  I was thankful that my family through all their years of faining eye rolls and acting like they hated my tradition actually wanted and expected it.  I was Thankful that I was physically capable of gathering and making Thanksgiving dinner.  I spent Thanksgiving bleaching the hot tub and being Thankful I had found a stinking turkey and had a hot tub to thaw the damn thing out in.  I also found it's spinning very hypnotizing, or it could have been the vodka, not sure.
So go forth and win the epic battle of Monday knowing your not alone in your journey of suck, you are in good company.  Me and my Local news.. Ok partially good company.

Peach Out...

Friday, November 19, 2010

Friday - I got nothing

uhm, yeah, I am mentally and physically exhausted from all the surgeries of my dad, surgery yesterday with my mom and blah blah life blah life, blah suck life, blah.  They are both fine so don't send concerns, plus the one that isn't a whiner handles remarkable things like a champ and the other is well yeah whatever.

so here. I got nothing, really, not a freaking thing.  No blog post, no thoughts that are cohesive so you get nothing it's like a big sucking black hole in space

and although I am way behind and super short on time I just spent 15 minutes making you that graphic because just a sucking black hole would not do.  Since my name is really Kirk you had to have my ship and of course the obligatory random floating screaming Kirk head.

I love you that much, you are welcome.

I have to go put my phone in the garbage disposal and lose my keys.

Have a great weekend.


Thursday, November 18, 2010

Common Science Day

Yes you can indeed get an education via fun via blogs. Not all blogs unless you want a recipe or a handmade human hair doll or stickers or something,  so other than groups with a purpose you only have humor bloggers to help "educate" you.  Sorry, I guess humor bloggers are like public school of education, free and you have to pay attention and pray you get the teacher/blogger on xanax so she won't overload your brain at ramped crack speed.

Here's all the science you need to know today. I will never try to make you over think.

a- an object in motion tends to stay in motion-  this means if you throw your cell phone out the car window it will indeed keep going.
b- fire is hot best not to play with fire sober or drunk
c- a man who hits on you via email should do things  like type in English or get humiliated
d- back up your stuff on a zip drive, label the zip drive so the funny naked sexy drunk zip drive doesn't pop up during a business meeting.
e-Justin Beiber is really Justank Beaver and in turn Donny Osmands kid and I proved it here
F-and  Everything that goes down does come up ---  See a picture of mom in her early 20's ,  see picture of mom in her 40's real simple people
G Never spit into a fan- ALSO RELATED -  do not barf into the wind.
H- if someones hand is in a appliance don't turn it on.
I- if Judge Judy and Gordon Ramsey had a child they would need an old priest a young priest and a bath tub of  Holy Olive Oil to get that bugger an exorcism.
J- If you're in a situation when more speed is needed getting to your bathroom because it's urgent- You will be will be blocked by a pet, followed by a child, step on a lego and the one moist part on the floor will knock the wind our your sails just as you slam your spine on it.

So that's all the common sense science for today...

Have a great smart and newly scientific kind of day.


Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Prince William you are screwing up dude

Ok so by know you know unless you live in a cave under a rock with Bose sound proof headphones that Prince William has announced his Royal Engagement to Kate.

Yes she is fashionable and pretty and smart, and all royalty royalty princess like, and whatever BLECH.

Ok here's the dealy princey pooh...  You are marrying a chick you have already been with for 8 years.  You are marrying a chick that is older than you and is nearly 30.  You are marrying a chick who is already rich.


Do you have any clue what you are missing out on?  I don't think you do because your too busy playing marco polo  and eating crumpets and hanging out with dudes with big ugly black hats to see the forest for the trees.

You need an American Chick.
A good cook
Someone who can knock the snot out of the paparazzi
Someone strong enough to tell you your Dad is a twit and your Step Mom is a home wrecking whore bag.
Someone you haven't already been getting the milk from for free for years.
Also having cool in laws would probably be good.

OH there are thousands of perfect fits for you darling but you really need someone who can hold down those floppy ears and put your snintty little ass in it's place no matter who the hell you think you are.

I would suggest someone who is very worldly, willing to travel, confident, possibly college educated,  can cook really good, artistic, musical,  GREAT with kids, not intimidated by status.

OMG Willy baby, I just figured out your perfect girl !!!

From her birth she was raised as a princess, but not the fluffy type all though she can totally pull that off too.
Highly educated, Politically aware, well traveled and does not cross her legs at the knee ( Princess Diaries lesson)
and as you can see she is always ready to deal with the photogs.

I am sure you will see the error of your ways and be contacting me soon my future son in law.  Treat her right dude because we are Americans and I will dot your friggin royal eye if you break her heart.  Also you can call me MOM not MUM, a MUM is a flower.

I will be expecting the Grandchildren for the summer. They will jump on a trampoline, swim in a river and make mud pies, don't argue, I am the MIL.


Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Time Space differentials suck

My husband, "The Droid", is a very tall man and skinny. Sort of like a grey haired stick man. He grew up with very little. VERY little. When we got married we had NOTHING, not even a car. ( yeah I know). So everything we have, we worked our butts off to get. We built this house and it was completed 14 months before Katrina came along. ( I really hate hurricanes, they suck) My husband didn't care about brick color, types of shingles, shutter styles or even what kind of flooring we had. He did however say. I have always dreamed of having a tub I could fit in. Why? Imagine that every bath he has ever taken involved him have his legs on the wall above the faucets with his knees bent so much he could kiss his knee caps or give himself a black eye on his knee if he sneezed. Sort of like us at OBGYN appointments except hike the legs up more and take away those stylish and comfy stirrups. So I had my contractor put in a tub that is HUGE, really huge, and it has jets and lives in our Master Bathroom.

It has not only become his place of solitude and his library but he ONLY takes baths since he finally fits in a tub. He is happy. I am happy because he is happy. The prince used to snorkel in our tub, it's that big. This tub also completely empties our downstairs hot water heater and takes a LONG LONG time to fill to a respectable level. ( what I call, the floating boob water level)

So April of 2009 my medical issues are getting worse and by May the Dr's have told me what's up and pretty much to stop work ( not in that order of course). So May of 2009, I am feeling all isolated and lonely and needing social interaction
before I go around stabbing people with cooked spaghetti
and suffering cabin fever. I join facebook after getting a billion requests from my friends telling me it's so cool but before I had been just too busy with work, kids, work, and you know kids. I have never owned a fancy phone that required any knowledge allowed me to be all " cool", and had never even sent or received a text message, let alone {gasp} browse the web. I quickly got addicted to all things Face Book. Finding elementary school friends, to college friends, making new friends and experiencing the entire 6 degrees of separation thing first hand.

So one evening I went in and did my routine.
 Start the tub at almost full blast, put in some bubbles, then move the clothes from the washer and dryer,

put together a 30 kajjillion piece 3 d jigsaw puzzle, unload and load the dishwasher,
raise corn from seed to maturity feed and water the dogs,transcribe the entire phone book into Egyptian hieroglyphics.

So after I finished those quick little tasks, I went in to our bathroom and checked the water level. wow not even 1/4 way there. Still about 20 minutes to go at this rate.

Mistake #1- walking out of the bathroom.

Mistake #2- picking up the laptop

Mistake #3- logging on to facebook

Mistake #4- clicking on someones link to help them kick a cow or milk a fence or whatever it was.

Mistake #5- The FB time space differential. Me being such a FB newbie that I didn't realize the amount of time it appears you have been on FB is actually 1/30th of the time that has passed you by in the real world. {ie: if you feel you have been on facebook for 2 minutes it has actually been 60 minutes, 3 minutes of facebook time =90 minutes in the real world and so on.}

Mistake #6- not knowing #5, and feeling like I just spent 30 minutes on facebook , realize the tub is still going, so I run toward the master bath to make sure it's not overflowing.

The rest happened in slow motion.

My fat freckled a$$ skids around the hallway corner on the tile like the dog in the old chuck wagon commercials, prompting my boobs to bounce me off the hall closet door I had just bashed with my face because you should slow down on curves, and there is NO RUNNING in this house. Then I hit the Master bedroom hall carpet and it was like the friggin everglade swamps. Warm, moist and smelling like New Orleans on a hot Sunday morning. This is a really bad thing people because from the Master bedroom Hall Entrance it's about 5 feet to my Master Bathroom door, that once you enter is another 7 feet to the tub. Even in Mississippi math that meant water had spread at least 12 feet in that direction. Not good. But whats worse than that? Flinging open the master bath door and rushing into a few inches of standing water and wiping out on the tile floors you HAD TO HAVE OR YOU WOULD DIE. (slamming your tail bone on that precious tile and jarring your back so hard you can't breathe, and you start wondering where you can find one of those cool inflatable butt donuts because you know you wont be able to sit for a month or so) Oh but baby I can take it a step further on the scale of idiocy. Because MY master closet ( he has his own ) which is about 9x9 ( double the size of my entire bedroom growing up) sits just to the other side of my bathroom which had more water in it than my ankles when I was pregnant and was possibly developing a tidal phase pattern.

I think I blocked a lot out, or in therapy talk, "repressed the memory", either for self preservation or so I could deny my status of epic asshattedness. But I know I lost all but 1 pair of shoes ( yeah like around 30 pairs were sacrificed to the water gods ( shout out to Osiris, Neptune, Chalchiuhtlatonal, and Poseidon ). Along with anything else on MY huge master bedroom closet floor. I know we used 2 steam cleaners and 2 shop vacs and 4 people carrying buckets. I know that my darling Droid slipped carrying a bucket of mucky sucked up water and it fell back on him like in Americas funniest home videos but you weren't allowed to laugh because he might be hurt. But the biggest clue we should not laugh was the fact he got back up and then spiked his blackberry on the wet floor and it will still deep enough to make a splash. I know we had about 5 fans blowing for 3 days to help. I also know that to this day, when you walk into my master bedroom hallway it smells like ditch diggers ass.

"It's so easy even a CaveMan could do it."flooding house overflowing bathroom cartoon comic
Hi my name is ThePeachy1 and I am a moron.

Hope this makes you feel better about today...


Monday, November 15, 2010

Monday is a sin

Over the years my love and lust for Fridays has flickered out but my hatred for Monday has just increased.  Actually I am thinking of a creating a religion where Monday can not happen as it's a sin.  Plus I totally want the tax breaks.
If this goes through there will be no Mondays for anyone in my religion, you will baptized in Vodka, Cheesecake will be used at every service and there's a million awesome things about my cult religion like we wont demand long skirts touching the ground and multiple marriages like big love, but we wont care either,  in fact all the higher ups in the church will probably be found smoking in their PJ's and no service will last longer than 10 minutes you can attend on line or watch at your convenience, actually I wont care, I will probably be watching something on netflix. 
Sounds good right? I  know.. I am totally going to hell.  But look at the fun people going with me.

I have to go stain some old parchment paper with coffee and write up the lost books that will make up my "book" for basing this religion on.  
See ya


Friday, November 12, 2010

I aint a Waffle !

Hello you fruits it Freaking Friday and I am Flipping delighted. I mean really cause I just can't wait to be done with this week and charge on in to next week which according the calendar could actually suck harder than this week did.  SWEET  bring it on.

But this post, this post is not about me, it's about Miley.   My bloggy friend Miley who brings me laughs and smiles.  She even guest posted for me over on BeingPeachy  a couple days.   

She is juggling quite a few major life changes right now.  She opted to check out a new church.

I jokingly ( sort of) told her that it would either be in a cafatorium/gymateria  and that if they brought out snakes to run.  We got into a southern religion deep discussion and I made her a bet.

It was indeed in a cafatrorium,  I told her they would be required by law to either bring out snakes, or throw around some fire and Brimstone with the end is near speech or discuss how to be a dutiful women ( wife) because in most places you can't be a woman without being a wife that would just be so silly.

The bet was that she would go and at least one of these things would happen or I would write an entire post dedicated to how wonderful she was and glowing and beautiful and smart and yeah she says I lost so here's your post Miley ( she could be lying it's not like I am going to go to find out).

She has this running thing for her readers that if LSU wins she will post a picture of her boobs.  It's not that risqué her boobs are covered.  

But my dear sweet adventurous often confused always rambling adorable Miley has been sidetracked with even more real life Craptasticification and she wasn't able to post her LSU boobs.

So here.

 OH yeah  just in case you don't know me. Those are not my boobs, I am pretty darn sure they aren't Miley's either.   But it's boobs with LSU on them ( thank you photo shop).     So there.

This is me paying off on the lost bet.  A post about Miley and how awesome funny and amazing she is, so whatever I am super sure they had at least 1 snake in that cafatorium.  Damnit.

Love ya Miley.  I don't waffle on bets, even if you have to remind me.


While working on some other articles I came across this Purple and Gold Beauty and thought wow this has LSU written all over it..  

you are welcome...

Thursday, November 11, 2010

they really make the world go round..

I chose to repost a Thank you to Military members and their families today on beingpeachy.  If you or a loved one is serving or has served this country at any point. I thank you.

If you don't have anyone in the military you can still do things that would mean so much to those that are protecting your freedoms everyday.


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

There is definitely something in the air ( or ass)

My daughter was home from college this past weekend and as she sat with her laptop next to me with my laptop while a netflix movie played on the TV ( that's quality time in my house people), she screamed and read me a story so disgusting and horrendous I was speechless ( yes me, speechless).

I worked very hard to scrub it from my brain and move on with all the duties I had to complete that didn't involve me yaking everywhere.  Then this morning I log on and head to Holly's place to check out her post and BAM  equally insane and oddly enough on the same level..    A mouse in the Ass  ? 

So now I pretty much have to tell you the story Sam shared.

Dude and his 'FRIENDS"  get wasted. - check
Dude passes out                               -    check
Dudes friends shove a 20 inch  Asian Eel up his butt - check


Yeah I obviously had way cooler friends, we would freeze each others undergarments, or drawn on their faces with sharpie markers and yes one football player did indeed get his eyebrows shaved off in the most drastic drunk prank.  But really our shaving cream or baby powder in the hand doesn't even hold a candle to what people are doing now days.

Oh yeah dude died, because the eel ate his friggin colon.

I am so glad  my getting that freaking drunk days are in my past, and if I should opt to go in that general direction again I have the kind of friends who would most definitely not shove a mouse nor an eel up my butt.


sources -  http://www.newser.com/story/87719/man-dies-after-friends-insert-eel-in-his-rectum.html

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Helpful Hints part 1

There are a few life lessons to take into consideration. I will attempt to cover a few areas for you.  You Are welcome..

Career Hint: If you are working through accounting technical problems with Coca-Cola Inc, and you need to call them about it in the morning, do not write 'DEAL WITH COKE PROBLEM" on your Outlook calendar. It comes across badly to co-workers.

Marriage Hint: When your wife informs you that her period has begun, saying "Kinda figured" won't add to marital harmony. 

Educational Hint: When writing a paper for history, make sure you know who it’s supposed to be about. That A+ 3 page paper on Ben Franklin will get you an F if you were supposed to write about Thomas Jefferson.

Parenting Hint: If your son trips into the bowling lane you are playing in, do not run out to rescue him as fast as you can. The lanes are waxed.

Legal Fun Hint:  Wear a red polo and kahkis to Target, when customers ( or other employees)  talk to you speak  back in pig latin or just move your lips without making noise.  I checked, it's not illegal.

If you have a helpful hint  please send it in this may just become a regular feature.


Monday, November 8, 2010

Do you love me?

Lately I have been feeling like a journalistic one night stand.  In the past few weeks I have done articles for over 6 other bloggers,  along with about a kabillion graphics.  Why?  Because I want to.  Because they asked.

Holly from MidewesterMamaH  has filled in for me more times that concrete on a sidewalk.  Mily also did a couple of guest posts at one point during one of my mandated hiatus.   I owe Holly my first born son, but you know what, I love her too much to do that to her.

I am a bit sad, that I can actually find most of the guest posts and graphics work I spit out like a mad woman working well over 70 hours in the past couple of weeks to produce.  It's their blogs so it's their choice. But they asked.  I used to charge $65 an hour for webwork, and graphics, but in this blog society I find myself scratching one back in the hopes of getting scratched back.  Obviously my hoping is like spitting into a fan, it accomplishes nothing and I get luggies on my face.

Don't get me wrong I am not upset that my articles/graphics weren't used. I am sure there were reasons and possibly it didn't fit in with their " theme".  But when I handed my blogs over to Holly,  she may have said or did things that weren't 100% on board with how I felt, but I asked her to do it, she did it, and I value her thoughts and opinions, same things with Miley.   Maybe I just expect my readers, friends, followers to appreciate a different perspective and the awesome talent of the people that stepped in.

A good friend of mine started up a conglomeration blog we've been friends for EVER way before bloggy days, real life actual we can punish each others children ( that's how you know a real friend). I got txt's, and emails, and chats and phone calls.  I never offered myself up as to not create an awkward situation but I must admit I was a bit hurt being overlooked.

So now I am done being the  lonely drunk chick at the bar at closing time who will go home with the last desperate guy simply due to process of elimination.   I will always be willing to help friends if they ask,
but I wont kill myself like a waitress at IHOP dealing with the Sunday after church crowd.
I wont overlook my blogs for the benefit of others who may or may not use my work even after they asked, approved, and told me how awesome and perfect it was then thanked me.

To Holly I will be forever in her debt, she consistently has covered my ass like granny panties, and usually at the last moment. If Holly asked I would probably chop off my pinky toe if I though it would help. ( don't judge me people I love my pinky toes.)

I struggled with what song to put here,  I thought of Elton John,  then Meredith Brooks, but those are so played out so I am going with this chick who I have never heard of.

Hello kind world.


Saturday, November 6, 2010

Say what???

I saw a movie today that can only be labeled as D or F or M or whatever means low budget.  However I had not clue that it would shake my very  foundation.  In one particular scene these 2 chicks are talking and the gruff, angst filled chick tells the sweet silver lining in a mushroom cloud  chick that the Go Go's are singing about virginity in the 80's song "Our Lips are sealed"  UHM EWW !!!

First off I thought the song was I love Cecil  then I figured out it was "Our Lips are Sealed" and automatically assumed it meant we are keeping a secret.

So today 3 decades later I find out it might have been an alternate meaning?  WTF? really?  I mean more than a bold all girl 80's pop band wearing bangles with a chunky lead singing?  Damn it, quit screwing with my youth and memory.

So here's a couple of the lyrics so you can be all HOLY SHIT I DON"T EVEN HAVE TO PLAY THE RECORD BACKWARDS TO HEAR THE SECRET MESSAGE ( because if you did play it backwards  it would obviously tell you to buy several neon button down shirts to wear and layer over your leg warmers).

Can you hear them 
They talk about us 
Telling lies 
Well that's no surprise 

Can you see them 
See right through them 
They have no shield 
No secrets to reveal 

It doesn't matter what they say 
In the jealous games people play 
Our lips are sealed 

Freaking A people tell me it's about secrets not rumors about who is a virgin and who isn't.
Damn it.  I have to hop over to craigslist and see if I can find a record player then to ebay to find this album.  Not cool technology, how the hell are we supposed to get our secret messages now?


Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Great Cork Debate

I am noticing the weather cool a bit ( thank the gods).  After spending months and months in a friggin sauna disguised as a southern state, the thought of living in my oven on broil to cool down became logical.

Now the weather is cooling, we usually have 2 weeks at fall and 2 weeks at spring where we can air out the joint and leave the windows open for some of the day.    Air out such a simple term really,  like what you would do with a sports uniform or that car you had in the 80's that you had to "air out" prior to going home in case your parents had to get in it for some reason.

But my house,  "air out" bring an entirely new level of stank.

I live with the Price ( my 9 yr old),  the Droid ( my DH)  3 dogs and 1 cat.  We have a very large house that I built back when the 21 year old princess and 19 year old #1 son lived here.
Even though I can't keep this massive domicile clean ( because I am a redhead and allergic to cleaning)  I am grateful for the extra rooms.
 They are for storage.  Gaseous fumes storage.  We need to change our last name to  Flatulation or something.

There are some rooms in my house that are designated Natural Gas quarantine rooms, if you accidentally need something from that room you have to sign a legal waiver from my Insurance Company saying you wont sue for nasal damage or PTSD.  Yes it's that bad.

But what is worse than the Droid, The Prince and yes the occasionally rose scented air freshener fart from me, there lies the WOMD.  Weapons of Mass Destruction.

The dogs.  Every winter I fear their asses with turn into a gas powered perpetuation device.  To make it all worse the older dogs lay with their butts facing the fire place.  WHAT???  Can you say test fate?

So this year while I am airing out the  Recepción a la casa muy grande de la iglesia. .   I wonder if I should just cork up their butts before we light the fireplace this year.

I am leaning towards the belief that the insurance would not pay on the claim that a 9 yr old black lab blew up the family room and was jettisoned like Spock from Enterprise out of the brick wall on the other side of the house .    Option 2 involves me those pine tree air fresheners off of their tails.    I think the cork is probably the better idea.

Until then I will wear my utility belt of  air cleaners, disinfectants, and fresheners.  Wearing a SARS mask because I am too cheep to get a friggin ventilator gas mask.

Good luck, may your day be drastically decreased in your suffrage in the land of Nasty Mc Fartbutt


Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Vote - or don't maybe.

Dude that title has nothing to do with the post, haha,  see there.  BAM I totally got you thinking I was going to write something political.  Face it,  every politician is a corrupt dirt bag and we are just voting for what we hope is the lessor of the evils.   But really go vote today because if you don't well then you can't bitch and moan and we all know how the internet was built for  people to sit around with 1/2 information and just bitch and moan.  Then your blog and facebook would turn into recipes and  music reviews because you really couldn't talk about shit since you didn't vote.

Exemption rule-  if you are completely uneducated about the candidates except for what you read on a a political website, saw fly across your twitter feed, or were only exposed to main stream media.  Do NOT go out and vote.  I would prefer anyone taking on that responsibility actually had a clue as to what they were doing. So stay home or spend the day at Star bucks figuring out what drink sounds the coolest to order but for the love of baby cheeses don't step into the polling booth.

Crap, this post turned into a voting post.  Shit it was supposed to be about my awesome friends and stuff I suck so hard electrolux called and wants to know my secrets.

Sorry. I did a political post completely by accident.  I swore off politics and religion long ago when I realized both were so corrupt yet amazingly pious. 

If it's any consultation I have been doing a lot of guest posting lately, this means my drivel is spreading across the web like that Ebola in Out break.  Which I guess makes me the monkey.  Wait what political party is the monkey. Shit.  Now I probably shouldn't vote.