"I hope you people realize that logging in here after just 5 minutes is like missing 1 episode of a soap opera, trying to watch it for a week to figure out what you have missed and then realizing that some asshole has changed the channel"
So I thought I would summarize the day with my brilliance but my brilliance was left in the refrigerator in the form of a cheesecake that I could not eat BECAUSE I HATE TO FAST FOR THE DAMN BLOODWORK.
Dearest Stephanie,
Clarice has 3 personalities and tried to kill me A FUCKIN GAIN. She aint knocked up a FUCKING GAIN but tried to use her fictional candian baby as a murder weapon on me, Her yard boy could have been the daddy, but she had angry sex with her husband for breakfast just in case, then Dawn who is really me, is showing up in my eyes at the dr's appointments so I have to go in and have fasting bloodwork in the morning and since I have the will power of a crackwhore I have to go to bed in like 2 seconds which means I will have no posts tomorrow on either blog but Dawns blood sugar is low because I am fasting and her eye is twitching because I am actually her. Dawn started talking about a website where she would sell sweaters for cats but that she would need to sell stun guns with each sweater because cats don't do well with " dressing" and then I knew that I should probably eat something, you know for Dawns sake.
You posted you went running which caused me to freak becasue I thought you were being attacked because no one would fucking run unless you were in mortal peril because that's just fucking insane and we all know Clarice has the damn Oscar awards on the insanity shit, and you live on a little island? hello? shark bait? I mean really? right? but I couldn't figure out what your 911 number was so I just prayed to buddah ( because god is really pissed at me right now due to my post on the pits today yesterday) that you would be ok, and then I was told I was coming back as a cat turd when i die by the Dalai Lama which is freaky since he's dead but he came to me as a Unicorn and Jimmy Page was on his back so I believe him.
Clarice had this fucked up silence of the lambs conversation, and I think she is cooking fava beans in her kitchen right now to go with my liver. ( or Dawns) Poor Dawn, she's much closer to Canada than I am, but poor me, I am much closer to Alabama. Which is worse in the grand scheme of things? Having your liver eaten by Clarice or living next to an entire state that wants to kill you right now?
Clarice had this fucked up silence of the lambs conversation, and I think she is cooking fava beans in her kitchen right now to go with my liver. ( or Dawns) Poor Dawn, she's much closer to Canada than I am, but poor me, I am much closer to Alabama. Which is worse in the grand scheme of things? Having your liver eaten by Clarice or living next to an entire state that wants to kill you right now?
Tiffanys stupid coworker thinks her middle name is actually "potatoe salad" and we are getting her a fake ID in New Orleans this weekend we told her it was in Homage of her mothers Great Grandfather General Polk Salad a famous Civil War hero. She is totally buying it and we told her that is why Tiffany has to have next Monday off as it's a Civil War Holiday. I am making up letter head and notarizing the letter from the sisterhood of the Northern Alliance of The Souther Civil War Leaders Holiday Association.
Then Steven Tyler called and said I was hot and that he liked my post on Being Peachy about him over on Being Peachy even though I said he looked like Janice Dickenson and Brendan Fraser got all jealous pissy which is totally not like him at all, then my husband came home and they gecko roman wrestled and it was fucking crazy. my dalmation won, but Ryan Reynolds got loose from the closet and defused the situation with a joke and we all had some cheesecake.
xo
PEACH OUT
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| photo credit to cheezburger.com |
