Do you love me?

Lately I have been feeling like a journalistic one night stand.  In the past few weeks I have done articles for over 6 other bloggers,  along with about a kabillion graphics.  Why?  Because I want to.  Because they asked.

Holly from MidewesterMamaH  has filled in for me more times that concrete on a sidewalk.  Mily also did a couple of guest posts at one point during one of my mandated hiatus.   I owe Holly my first born son, but you know what, I love her too much to do that to her.

I am a bit sad, that I can actually find most of the guest posts and graphics work I spit out like a mad woman working well over 70 hours in the past couple of weeks to produce.  It's their blogs so it's their choice. But they asked.  I used to charge $65 an hour for webwork, and graphics, but in this blog society I find myself scratching one back in the hopes of getting scratched back.  Obviously my hoping is like spitting into a fan, it accomplishes nothing and I get luggies on my face.

Don't get me wrong I am not upset that my articles/graphics weren't used. I am sure there were reasons and possibly it didn't fit in with their " theme".  But when I handed my blogs over to Holly,  she may have said or did things that weren't 100% on board with how I felt, but I asked her to do it, she did it, and I value her thoughts and opinions, same things with Miley.   Maybe I just expect my readers, friends, followers to appreciate a different perspective and the awesome talent of the people that stepped in.

A good friend of mine started up a conglomeration blog we've been friends for EVER way before bloggy days, real life actual we can punish each others children ( that's how you know a real friend). I got txt's, and emails, and chats and phone calls.  I never offered myself up as to not create an awkward situation but I must admit I was a bit hurt being overlooked.

So now I am done being the  lonely drunk chick at the bar at closing time who will go home with the last desperate guy simply due to process of elimination.   I will always be willing to help friends if they ask,
but I wont kill myself like a waitress at IHOP dealing with the Sunday after church crowd.
I wont overlook my blogs for the benefit of others who may or may not use my work even after they asked, approved, and told me how awesome and perfect it was then thanked me.


To Holly I will be forever in her debt, she consistently has covered my ass like granny panties, and usually at the last moment. If Holly asked I would probably chop off my pinky toe if I though it would help. ( don't judge me people I love my pinky toes.)

I struggled with what song to put here,  I thought of Elton John,  then Meredith Brooks, but those are so played out so I am going with this chick who I have never heard of.





Hello kind world.

xo
PEACH OUT

you really shit in your pot this time baby Osmond

As you guys know I am pretty scientific. I mean I did a study on weebles, with pie charts and illustrations and all that jazzy stuff.

Then through my diligent and professional mostly made up by jumping to conclusions journalistic research I busted one of the biggest Hollywood / Utah Secrets wide open and offered scientific proof that

Justin Bieber was indeed Donny Osmonds kid. ( click here for poof)

But now I kind of feel bad for that Beaver kid, because I am the first to come to a solid and scientific realization that his career is over.  So young, so spoiled and it's over, all over, and I blame the adults around him for not keeping him from ending his own career so early. This was totally avoidable.

As we all know Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith are robots of mass destruction.  No one can act, sing, be that fashionable, look that good, and make that level of adorable kids and keep the press from publishing anything horrible unless they sold their soul to the devil OR they are robots of mass destruction.  Since their children have also been privy to acting, musical skills, and looks they can't have sold their souls to the devil because who would sell their infants soul to the devil.  This leaves 1 undeniable conclusion.  They are robots of mass destruction.  ( they probably also have blackmail pictures of everyone in Hollywood and NY that has ever taken a breath and this is how they control the press so well  OR it could be robot of mass destruction hypnotism.)

The moment of the beginning of the end.
1- When I released to the world  that Justank was an Osmond
2- When Justank got a little too big for his britches and had a dance off with Jaden Smith.

Justin.  It's bad enough you were handed a career of boyhood stardom at a young age by being plucked out of oblivion  by super stars in the music field and then jammed down every young girls throat with your pre pubescent Vienna boys choir auto tuning screach owl music and thrust into super stardom.

But my petite super star, as my Daddy would say, " I think you shit in your own pot" here little boy.

JUST WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING BY HAVING A DANCE OFF WITH 

JADAN SMITH?

Did that water bottle hit you a bit hard on the brain?  You little dumbshit.  There are a few rules the yes men ass kissing adults around you need to ball up and remind you about.

1- You ARE indeed a child and not a small adult and therefore you should have enforced rules instead of yes men.

2- The talent you think you currently have is fleeting. By fleeting I mean when that first crotch hair busts through your voice will change and it will probably become too expensive to auto tune you back into a 6 year old little girl voice.  Although it worked for MJ, but he had to give up his monkey, ranch and nose? Are you willing to go that far?

3- You really really really need school.  Not surfing ( because you were boogie boarding or another acceptable term would have been body boarding, not surfing  idiot). 

exhibit A

4-Don't bite the hand that feeds you and don't EVER bite the hand that holds the black mail photos of the hand that feeds you

5- See number 4 but understand they are robots of mass destruction and your life is over.

OK so beside the obvious every  person in the Pinkett / Smith family  right down to the kids hamster could buy your dumb ass 5 times over and have serious industry staying power.  Did you know Jaden could do this?

Obviously a ninja/jedi/robot of mass destruction.

a-Lets review this research. You have no real viable talent or staying power and just like Shawn Cassidy and Greg Brady and even Corey Haim, your career has the shelf life of flash paper. 

b- you got too big for your britches and had a dance off with a kid who has a massive movie career, his mom is a movie star of epic proportions and his dad not only over came being the Fresh Prince of Belair to become a  massive movie star but is also a pretty kick ass musician .

c- you have the appeal of a dog fart and the intelligence of a rabid gecko on a shit stick.

so my little Justank Beaver I say to you, " So long, farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, goodnight"
Not that you would have a clue about that movie or the breakfast club, or gone with the wind, or war and peace or of mice and men,.the green mile, or any other film old or current that doesn't have some bimbo flashing her tata's  Because that stuff probably isn't hip or cool or the shnizzel in the hinizzle  or whatever the fuck new non english word you idiots will make up because you can't possibly use a thesaurus to find alternate real words.

Also giving less credibility this dance off took place in a freaking bowling alley. so this is either a scene out of Porkeys or Grease.  Both of which I would assume you have never seen or  you would know that a dance off between 2 kids under 17 in a bowling ally is more gay than tube socks with 8o's basketball shorts.

Really you won with the moon walk?  1 out of of 3 people can moon walk,  only 1 out of 5 can properly do the tootsie roll. Plus you had more yes men there than Jadan ( because Robots don't need a  lot of body guards) so if you judged it by applause then of course you won, they were all on your payroll.

On your way out can you please take those sparkly ass vampires and bad boy werewolves with you?  Frankly I am pretty sick of adult women acting like 12 year olds over this crap.

I enjoyed the ride, thanks for the fish ( from a book you probably will never read)




xoxo
Pits of the Peach