Why?

1- Whores?
Why does the world have an addiction to know everything about rancid whores.  No no I don't mean street walking rancid whores I mean,  high class no talent whores.  You know like the Kardashions, the Jersey Shore, or any housewives of what the fuck ever I used my snatch to get rich and think I am still in high school,  Brittany, Lindsey Lohan and the like.  This will and always will baffle me.  They are no talent whores, honestly go volunteer at a soup kitchen rather than read anything about these air wasting no talent no moral huge ass whores. If that's below you,  go work at a dog shelter, that's where the little dogs that were "chic" a few years back are.

2-Lice?
How did I survive my entire life without every getting bugs?  They say blah blah no shame blah, but I am sorry if I get a call to my kids school saying pick up your bug riddle kid you nasty hag, I do feel a little judged.  This is probably whey  twice a week during the school year I use this really super cool robotic comb on my kids hair. It not only let's you know if there is a social economical lice market place on your kids head,  then it zaps them,  so it's like a bug zapper, but in the shape of a comb.  However I am busting the neurotic seems so if that damn thing goes off I will put chemicals on my kids head risking his life, intelligence and brain function with a series of weapons of mass destruction.  Why?  Uhm duh, I hate freaking bugs.


3-Facebook-
what the fuck are you doing?  hey Mark, I know you are busy being the ubber geek you are but you need to realize that the folks   you left in charge are dickwaffles and need to be chastised, and by chastised I mean stripped naked and tied to a fire ant mound while a trail of honey leads from between their little toes to their nuts.   Stop trying to drive us all away you are suck fucking idiots.  have you ever hear the expression if it aint broke dont fix it?   Get your head out of the guy that Justin Timberlake playeds ass. You are now what you always hated.


4- G+
Ok I have no flipping idea how the hell you work.  Seriously it has taken me like a year to get down wp, blogger, blogher, facebook, twitter and tweet deck.  I was working on figuring out the Geomagnetic theory of Klout when low and behold here comes freak G+  I got a million request I answered them,  yet I see nothing to "do". Then I get this DM on twitter saying OMG  isn't G+ so much cooler than FB, especially since FB is so lame and everyone hates it!   Thanks you assholes.  Honestly you make me feel like my parents making me make the time on their BETA  to stop flashing.   I do not appreciate you trying to make me look stupid thank you very much I can do that all on my own.   No I have to higher a freaking g+ tutor?  What about the 2700 people I love and interact with on facebook.  Are yous saying that to be popular I have to diss the facebook friends for the cooler G+ friends?   Google-  have you never seen the breakfast club?  I wont give up my peeps, suck on that..

5- Lottery
Why have I not won the lottery.  My dad has played faithfully wed & sat got 18 years..  He's a great guy, goes to church, helps everyone, honestly he should win.  I play off an of, but I never win. It's like throwing a dollar out the window every tine I want to play


Thats it for now,

xo
PEACH OUT

Marriage and Porn

An adorable old couple that had been together more decades we have been alive were sitting on the couch watching TV.   She had her crotchet afghan on her lap,  he had "the clicker" ( that's a remote for you young wipper snappers).

She was doing her word search puzzle and he was doing his nightly habit of clicking back and forth between 2 stations.

Finally after 30 minutes she looked up to notice that the 2 channels he kept clicking back and forth between were a Fishing Channel and a Porn Channel.   She rolled her eyes and ignored him knowing he would eventually " rest his eyes " thus ending the horrible switching back and forth.

45 minutes in she had enough and slammed her book on her lap and said.

"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD JUST PUT IT ON THAT PORN CHANNEL AND LEAVE IT!!!!!"

Her husband completely confused, yet strangely giddy about hearing her make that demand, had a smile across his face as he clicked it to the Porn Channel thinking quietly to himself that he may just end up getting lucky for the first time in a decade.

His smile left his face when she made her next remark..............

" This is the obvious choice,  you already know how to fish."

Peachy investments - the 401Keg

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today. If you purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG, you would have $33.00. If you purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers, you would have $0.00 today.

But, if you purchased $1,000 worth of beer, drank all the beer, turned in the aluminum cans for recycling, you would have $214.00. Therefore the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.

 It is called the 401-Keg Plan.