I got honked, won $20 and no nuts were tazered

Sunday morning ( fathers day), I preformed a miracle of biblical proportions by dragging my husband and 10 year old out of bed at 630am.   In case you don't know uh,  we don't do Church, at all, ever.  So this was big, it was for our annual 13 mile Kayak trip.

I used the added man bait of  Coffee an McGriddles  and we were in the car and at the drive thru here in Green Acres by 7am.

Let me set the stage for you so you can get a clear picture.    I live by a major interstate,  it's 4 lanes in each direction and usually has maybe 3 or 4 cars on it.   The town a little south of me has 27 miles of beaches and casinos and you can scoot from county to county without any traffic issues.  My specific community just got it's first traffic light.   We don't live in an area where anyone is in a big rush for anything.  Keep that in mind.

I drive my half sleeping men to the Mc Donalds  EMPTY drive thru as a reward for waking up early on a weekend and not stabbing me.  A guy named Jason wearing a McDonalds uniform and  bright yellow reflective vest and what looked like a modified IPAD jumped out of the bushes from behind the order screen and introduced himself.

Using my stealth like ninja skills I restrained myself from spraying mace in his eyes and tazering him in the nuts for jumping out of a bush.  Because that's usually what happens to people who do that shit.  But my quick MIB  rationalization prevented poor Jason from suffering any more than he already was by having to do that job.

Me:  OH the board is broke?
Jason:  No it's working, they just have me out here today to bring a personal touch of customer service to everyone can I take your order my name is Jason.
Me:  Oh,  sure I need the biggest freaking container you can fit out your little window of coffee for the werewolf sitting next to me,  I need a strawberry bannana smothie for me,  and the kid in the back wants a plain mc griddle, orange juice, and apple slices.
Jason:  did you know we now have mango pinapple smoothies?
Me:  Shut the front door?  Dude I love that combo?  I wonder if I should get that?

HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK
Me:   uh oh somebodies car alarm is going off huh?
I turn around and woman that clearly would freaking die of emaciation if she did not immediately  cram some greasy food down her face hole was FUCKING HONKING AT ME  for ordering.   Then when she saw me look back ( because I thought a car alarm went off) she didn't just flip me off she gave me the good old entire forearm fuck you.
Me:  Jason,  is Piggy McFatnasty back there honking at us?
Jason:  Yes ma'ma
Me:  You know what Jason,  that makes me hungry, and I have A.D.D., I am completely distracted, and I can't see the menu board,  is there any way you can read me the entire menu,  I have forgotten what you have here, because I never eat fast food.
Jason:  (smiles)  are you serious.
Me:  yes Jason, I have a disability, it's very real, it's triggered by horns honking, it goes back to an old magic show where I was hypnotized as a child Thanks for helping.
Jason:   Combo #1 blah blah blah

My husband:  Stop being a bitch and go.
Me:  what does bitch mean? see I can't even remember..
My husband:  Look she probably didn't mean to honk
Me:  she honked?
Jason; Combo #2  blah blah blah
My husband:   seriously he has to deal with the hog face to face when we pull off.
Me:  fine.

Me:  Jason,  stop reading.  I know you have to be nice to McAttidue PigFace back there, but I want you to know something.
Jason:  Yes?
Me:  Some poor guy somewhere,  puts up with that nasty bitch constantly, you only have to deal with her until she finishes her order.
Jason:  you/'re the best customer I have ever had.

We pull to window 1 and pay, pull to widow 2 and get our food.  I ask for a manager and tell her that I think Jason is doing a fine job and let her know that he maintained his composer and customer service even though a rude twat was honking while he was trying to do his job.
Then I tell my husband I am pulling over and bet him $20 that the honking McFartknocker would have a Christian bumper sticker.  My husband told me I was on crack.

We watched old Tushy Tush get her McDoubleGrease Platter  she flipped us off and as she drove away her bumper sticker said,  " I let Jesus take the wheel"

ME:  but you kept the fucking horn?

Husband:  bitch here's your $20...


ahhhh


xo


PEACH OUT

I'm selling parts of my husband on ebay

I have never listed anything on ebay.  But then the other day my " taking shit" meter got full.

Instead of breaking shit that I would have to replace in this economy I decided to just start selling parts of him he doesn't really use, because well really it's not like we need them right?


At first I listed it with a starting bid of $200 and a sell now of $1500, that way no ding a ling would actually buy it forcing me to paint some damn processing chip and use the postal service and all that shit.

Then I realized I was missing an opportunity.  DUH.

So I dropped the price, and donated a portion of the proceeds to the disaster in Japan.  So I actually hope this baby freaking moves.

I shit you not it has not been janked by ebay yet.

So since Ebay has not caught on I am selling my husbands none used body parts I am thinking of starting to sell more, you know in the name of charity.  Let's see where this goes.  Also don't forget I wear pj's to the post office and write shit like

" Zombie Apocalypse plan enclosed"

on everything I am forced to mail. I did find out if you write, "this totally does not contain human organs"  your package will not be delivered, apparently the post office is a bit more " stringent than ebay"  uptight mother truckers. 

HERE'S THE ACTUAL AD ON EBAY !

So go bid freely,  you never know what will extra little bonus of PeachPit glory will be included as memorabilia.   Also you will be literally forcing me to go to the Post Office in my PJ''s since I am holding tight to my 2011 PJ pledge.  

XO

PEACH OUT