Pay your light bill MF- NSFW

****WARNING ***  

THIS VIDEO CONTAINS EXTREMELY FOUL LANGUAGE SO DON'T WATCH IT AT WORK OR LET YOUR KIDS HEAR IT, 

( because we all know kids don't know cuss words, whatever)

A reader sent me this video on Youtube,  after seeing me write about the fact that the IRS is trying to jank on me for 2003 ( yeah 7 years ago)  when not even my accountant or bank have records prior to 2005 thanks to a little storm called Katrina.  So I said  can I just be like the GVT and print my own money, or get my debt ceiling lifted?  If the GVT can't balance their budget why do they treat me like I am a horrible person and threaten to take my house because I can't find gas receipts from 2003.  Of course I was slightly joking,  a little, maybe, but I can tell you it does chap my ass somewhat to know the people taking my freaking money and punishing me can't handle their money. ( which is really our freaking money).    So a reader sent me this and I fell out laughing for several reasons-  1) he's hilarious,  2) I had never heard of him so it was unexpected, and 3) he's freaking hilarious.   

I realize somebody out there is going to explain to me how wrong he is, how offensive he is, how he kills baby mice and caused the extinction of the 3 horned albino water buffalo.  I don't give a shit.  Really.  I don't care to argue political views with people because frankly it makes me think a hell of a lot less of people when they prove they are the most educated idiots on the planet.   You don't learn common sense in school.

So take it for what it is,  just flat out funny.   

ok  feel free to commence with the stereo typing and spewing of anger at me for posting this.   Or quietly giggle and nod and then move along. no one will ever even know you laughed.

Pretty sure I asked for this.

I have been spending the past 8 days watching my husband light our dry split oak firewood in our fireplace with a flame thrower, blow torch,  taking roughly 45 minutes of him sitting there burning the wood with a loud hissing metal bottle of flaming gas which absolutely ruins the entire ambiance of a "making a fire" it literally emasculates the entire process like a crazy eyed knife wielding Lorena Bobbit. .

Me:   Honey I know you don't do manly things because you're a math genius who only works with his mind and  I am actually more than a man than you because I camp, fish, enjoy sports, and know what a screw driver is,  don't you think that is cheating?

Him:  ( glances at me briefly over his should with that look of STFU)

Me:  I am just saying,  on" those man -vs- wild:, and "survivor man",   shows they can start a fire on an iceberg butt naked after swimming in the arctic using nothing but snow, pubic hair and teeth plaque.  They Never have a BLOW TORCH.

Him- clearly we are not them, we are smarter, have a home to live in that has heat, the fire is just for "effect" and our life doesn't depend on keeping warm, they also eat bugs do you want to eat bugs?

Me: not the point, but are the bugs dipped in chocolate?

Him: valid point, and no they are not in chocolate.

Me:  Just saying The Prince is 9 and I don't think he will learn to start a fire without a blow torch, while staring through his telescope and generally speaking in dots and dashes with you because it's funny and cool.

Him: Right it's silly for him to be smart and resourceful and have a job that will afford him purchased firewood and a blowtorch to start it, we should probably make him eat bugs, and field strip a squirrel and make his own water purification system from the stagnant fountain in the front yard. 

Me: yeah like that stuff, I mean that's learning and it would make him well rounded and a survivor

Him:  I hope your're having a brain moment because your pretty much an idiot right now.

Me: Are you even remotely aware that the apocalypse is coming?  He will need these skills.

Him: Did you take an ambien?

Me: NO

Him: so this is just general stupidity and deductive insane reasoning that you have gained via the internet right?

Me:  You do know your math and wierd science skills wont save you when it goes down.  I wish you would at least put on some weight so we could find some use for you like eat you when the time comes.

Him: heh, you can eat me now.

Me:  yeah my brain is saying I need to buy you more skirts for your spring wardrobe.

Him: don't you have a blog to write or something?

Me:  Yeah I have to go update my article for,
 " myhusbandistheonlynativeamericanontheplanetthatcannotstartafirewithoutaflamethrower.com "

HIm: This conversation is over. Plus I am only like 1/8ths Native American

Me:  and like 1/108ths  manly?

Him: :mentally throwing ninja stars at my head:

Me: checking that website and thinking it's sad that it doesn't exist.

So yesterday he laid down around 4pm to take a nap, and I saw this opportunity to teach my son how to make  fire using, fire wood and a match.

We chipped off "kindeling" using a screw driver and hammer. We had a brown paper bag but I explained he could use, moss or pine straw in the wild.  I showed him how to pile it up so the air could circulate underneath  it and the fire could grow.  I let him light it with a single match.  We blew gentling to get it to going good and watched it grow big and strong, and then we piled on the first log.

Time stood still in as we bonded during this precious learning experience of us sitting on the floor doing things from scratch. I explained several things could be used to throw a spark  if you don't have a match, and what things you can use inside -vs- outside.  We were so proud of our fire we were doing fist bumps and high fives and grunting like cave men and pounding our chests at our ability to control fire.  It was like an hour of magic.

Then this happened.

Then  " grouchy mensa man" ( totally his Native American name)  emerged from the bedroom, with a look of utter disdain  went to the fireplace and opened the flue.

I thought it was a great way to  make the fire building lesson to sink in to my child.  Because nothing makes you remember the important steps like standing in your pajamas on the freezing back deck for 45 minutes watching smoke billow out of your house and listening to 7 screeching smoke detectors.


xo
PEACH OUT


Also this couple is mountain hiking/rock climbing naked.