Thursday, September 16, 2010

Liars, and Twits and Bitches Oh my !

My staff wrote this screen play and then presented it to me as an original, but I am sensing as usual they were slacking on the job, and somewhere in my deep subconscious this seems vaguely familiar. (  by staff I mean me )


The Smelly Brick Road ( or as we call it here locally, the french quarters)





 Dorothy Gale ThePeachy1,  an orphaned young girl a tired old hag, unhappy pissed off  with her  drab black-and-white new found lazy boy recliner existence (aka chronic vodka shortage) on her  aunt and uncle's dusty Kansas farm spider and fire ant infested country estate home. 


Dorothy ThePeachy1 yearns to travel "over the rainbow" "anywhere but here"  to a different world ( or a liquor store) , and she gets her wish when a tornado whisks her laptop and her little dog, Toto, whisks her off to the Technicolorful land of Oz Blog. 


Having offended the Wicked Witch of the West Bitch of the Web, Dorothy ThePeachy1  is protected from the old crone's  heinous bitch's  wrath by the ruby slippers polka dot pajamas that she wears. ( and possibly vodka, that stuff makes you invincible ) 


At the suggestion of Glinda, the Good Witch of the North hilarious friends, Dorothy  ThePeachy1 heads down the Yellow Brick Internet Road to the Emerald City ( since green is her favorite color we will leave that one) , where dwells the all-powerful Wizard of Oz Blog, who might be able to help the girl hag return to Kansas a place where petty bitches mind their own business ( and all fountains are filled with vodka). 


 En route, she befriends a IaintScaredCrow from Hooterville, a TinFoilMan and a LipglossLion. The IaintScaredcrow would like to have some brains  ( don't be fooled this woman is a genius) access to civilization, Johnny Depp and the right to force people to inhale flatulence from her gluteus maximus, the TinFoil Man craves a heart  the opportunity to shove haggis down the pie holes of felonious supiditis  humanoids, and the LipglossLion just wants to attain courage  more hair care products and lip gloss; hoping that the Wizard will help them too, they join Dorothy ThePeachy1 on her odyssey ( possibly drunken) road trip to the Emerald City.


I fired the writers, staff, family pets and had to wing it on the rest.


Along the way they get attacked by flying monkies who fling poo at them because apparently when you are a monkey the idea of throwing something other than feces is out of the question.   They come across, Liars, and Twits and Bitches OH MY !  Then  blah blah captured and epic battle with the Wicked Bitch of the Web and they  make her have a TOTAL MELT DOWN by pouring  mad dog 20/20 on her hard drive they then stole her broom frequent flyer miles and headed to the Emerald City Vegas.  ( cause that is pretty much the same thing)


I can't tell you what happened from there because what happens in Emerald City stays in Emerald City.


ThePeachy1 has a black lab and a dalmatian neither which will fit in a easy to carry pick nick basket, so she filled it with twizzlers, truffles, and jello shooters.




xoxo
PEACH OUT 



7 comments:

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

HA HA HA !!! I love love LOVE this, though I cant quite shake the feeling, I somehow know those characters.
I love you Sybil Gale!!!!!!!

Queen Momma-Sweet Merciful Crap said...

Loved this!

I've not yet met TinFoilMan, but I have crossed yellow brick paths with IaintScaredCrow and LipglossLion so I can only imagine what happened next. Or can I? or do I want to?

Actually, if Johnny Depp is involved in any way, would you mind if I jumped in that basket? ;)

Rachel said...

What is up with all the monkeys flinging poo lately?! My friend and I were talking about this at the gym last night. She said she felt like the universe was tossing shit in her face, and I'm all "yeah! It's like monekys at the zoo." So then we were talking about monkeys & poo, monkeys & poo all evening and howling with laughter, which was seriously the best part of my day. I'm pretty sure the only reason we were not asked to leave the gym is because I'm friends with the owner's wife & the manager's wife.

ThePeachy1 said...

@Holly- yeah I know it seems so weird like a reoccurring dream of dejapoo or something?
@queenMomma- yeah good old JD ( both dep and daniels) is always nice to have around
@Rachel- I am pretty sure this is like the 5th seal before the apocalypse, Poo flinging, the 4th was when my dad found and commented on my other blog, I am pretty sure the end is near. ( bullets and spam)

meredith said...

best. role. i. ever. played.

R.W. Wells said...

I'm such a dork! I read this this morning and completely misunderstood most of it, probably due to over consumption of purple flavored Otterpops and haggis.

And WOW! Two blogs, two mentions. You, my friend make me blush, but thanks! I will wear the badge of TinFoil Man with pride. I might even sew TFM into my Underoos!

Sandra said...

I love your mind...and I love the visual of monkies flinging poo. Human babies something partake in this ritual as well...don't ask.
You're brilliant!...and you're so right: vodka does make you invicible..where did I put my fricken vodka!