( and by win I totally mean anything above placing 250th out of 252 entries)
1. When they did the editors top 50 pick, there were some monumental people on there. People who have been on Opra, Today Show, GMA, Martha Stewart, and The View. I sat in awe thinking damn I will never been in a group of people like that. All in all it's probably a good thing I wasn't on that " super star I shit skittles" editors pick list. Then I thought shit, if I was, my shirt would pop open, pantyhose would run, contact would fall out and I would trip getting to the set. I fall a LOT, it's never pretty. Gum would fly out of my mouth and get stuck in the hair of the news person interviewing me or my satalitte connection would be so bad I would have that dreaded dead air of doom shit going on. Also I don't kiss ass well, so chances are I would call someone a stupid shitard with the personality depth of a eye dropper. There would also be a greater than zero probability of a wardrobe malfunction that would make Janet Jackson's incident look like something off the wiggles.
2- Then late Thursday Afternoon I found out I had been nominated for the Peoples Choice version of the top 50. By Holly at MidWesternMamah. I was ranked 138 but still honored there were around 185 nominees. Without realizing I only had 1 vote a day I voted for someone other than myself. Why? Because they are a better writer. But within 4 hours I moved into the top 30.
3- This is the top 50 Moms on Twitter- but there are a couple dudes ahead of me. ( although I love their blogs and tweets) . They do not now nor ever have been is possession of a Uterus and are not to my knowledge a "Mom" ( even though they are pretty kick ass Dads), so that's kind of a kick in the throat, considering I get PMS, cramps, and had 3 kids which kind of means I am indeed a "MOM". Including the 58 days I laid in the hospital in labor with a pump in my leg and my stomach looking like a Randall McNally road map from all the scars. I don't mind, other than it's a 50 awesome MOMS of Twitter contest, and I am pretty sure they are implying you should indeed leave the penis at the door and know the drama of a breast pump or tampon. Kind of embarrassing to all us actual MOMs to get our child birthing asses handed to us by a dude.
4- You know how every year at homecoming there are the 4 super popular girls that win everything and they are shoe ins for Home Comming Court. Then out of the blue pops the one that represents the majority, the average chick, aka the sacrificial lamb put forth to triumph forever in the halls of average people shame or fame. That's me. I am You, the every girl. No fame. No Pride just me. Honestly I would pick the hall of fame instead of Hall of Shame so please vote for me.
5- Every day I plunk out a minimum of 2 blogs, 1- BeingPeachy the cheery side ( where my server crashed today, perfect fucking timing thank you. ) and 2- The Pits the down to earth and possibly NSFW side( where you are at right this second). I guest post a couple times a month when asked by other bloggers, and always try to support the newer people, because well, that's how I roll. Some people write 1 article a week and tweet it over and over, and fb post it over and over, and you wonder. "Self, are they writing somewhere else or did they forget their log in passwords to admin". On the same token I am a big fan of quality -vs- quantity, especially when it comes to twitter followers. But I always try to bring it in
6-I seriously need an auto glass repair/replacement sponsor. I am willing to pretty much pimp myself and my blogs out like a $5 crackwhore to get my minivans windshield repaired after the #kayakincident that happened at the end of the #infamouscampingtripof2010. ( click here if you need more info). ( but you can't click there because my friggin server is down right now) I can only think being near the top kabillion in this contest may be something I could put on the table with a marketing person thus giving me a fighting chance to at least get a tube of super glue. ( but probably not since my freaking server is down)
7- Y'all, I am just a dork,
8-Me placing well would be a multi cultural victory sort of like if Benetton made a come back. I am a redhead of scottish, irish, spanish and blackfoot Indian decent. Born in Thailand, and married a Choctaw/Cherokee indian and between us we produced blonde haired blue eyed children. For shit sakes yall I should just change my name to America because I am a genetic melting pot.
9-I don't use 4 square, shred heads, couch to 5k or blip fm on my twitter. This fact alone should catapault me into the top 25 because if people use these things no matter how much I love them. I don't care that they have the most check ins at Yougart Kingdom or they ran 3 miles that day and it felt great. Honestly do I tweet lazyboy2potty posts? No. If I tweet that I ran, you can bet there was a fire, a sale or a police chase, otherwise I am not running and definitely not tweeting it. I also don't flood twitter with out of focus pictures of my dog, yard, a random snail or a fucking sunflower. Seriously people all sunflowers look alike, however all babies don't. Just saying.
10- Dear Mr. Babble 50-, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Friday in voting for @IamThePeachy1 for whatever it was we did that brought us here. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...and an athlete...and a basket case..a princess...and a criminal.Does this make you want to vote? Sincerely yours, the Peachy1.
So that's it, I didn't pull a pity card, I didn't name drop and I didn't offer odd favors. Which is probably why I suck at politics. I was however once elected to a small local community board to which I took great pride. Obviously they didn't do background checks either and they never accepted my nomination for people to thumb wrestle to settle huge debates. ( snotty politicians)
If I do by some fluke win ( or even come in the top 10 ) I make you these campaign promises.
1- a Chicken in every pot
2- No new taxes
3- All my meetings will be broadcast on CSPAN
4- Everyone will be able to see Russia ( or Mexico or Canada) from their backyard.
5- I will not have sexual relations with that woman.
Thanks for your time and possibly your vote. You rock.