It's pretty much a proven fact that most grown adult nearly sane women can look at their past and think, " OMFG what the hell was I thinking?"
It may have been a boyfriend, or god forbid a husband. It's a paradox, it seems that a nearly sane moderately intelligent woman wouldn't be caught dead in the company of such a piece of breathing shit. However we often date, or mate with them during our younger years.
I have solved the mystery. You are welcome.
1) most of the grown nearly sane moderately intelligent women were raised in a household of dreams and dolls. O' wait that's only in the fucking movies, most of us were raised in houses of divorced fighting parents or worse parents who should have been divorced because one of them was such an intolerable cunt that you felt pity for the other one. However no matter the household situation you were raised in I am sure there was some sanity and love, even if it was a brief glimpse or just your childlike rose colored glasses making it possible for your psyche NOT to split 30 ways and we go around pulling out puppies eyes and sewing them to our stuffed animals. With the knowledge of this as our basic foundation I will move on.
2- Early interaction with the opposite sex. Preschool, a parents friends child, Kindergarten whatever it was. You can bet nearly every little girl remembers that asshole kid that kicked you, threw things at you, called you some horrible name that possibly rhymed in some weird kid way. Chances are if this little asshole pulled your braided pigtails or hit you with a spit ball. You were already at a disadvantage by having to wear days of the week panties and skirts and those god awful freaking shoes. The bonus? Those shoes were some hard ass "mary janes" and the childhood equivalent of steel toed boots. Thankfully we as women were born with remarkable accuracy when we fought back it was more like a strategic nuclear strike to the still forming nuts of the rat bastard torturing us.
3-Movies. Yes we love Beauty and the Beast, where the beautiful woman sacrifices everything looks past everything, both physically and emotionally to fall in love with a seriously violent and ugly asshole. Who the hell thought that was a great idea? I mean do we have a reverse of this to balance out the entire " see the best in everyone " mantra. Maybe? How about "Lady and the Tramp", OMG, yeah they are dogs, but she runs away with a bad boy homeless dog who treats her to leftovers on a garbage can. They fall in love, she looks past the fact he has a criminal history, no home, no family, and basically no morals, and then they move in with her parents. Wow, that is freaking awesome. I don't have to go into the overtly obvious ones like dirt poor Cinderella has to pretend to be "good enough" for the guy, or Snow White where it's totally ok to run away and live with a bunch of guys because you think your parents are assholes. Wait Asshole parents? That sounds like Ariel, because her dad had all these stupid "rules" like DON'T FREAKING TALK TO THE PREDATOR that lives in a cave. Make a deal with the local predator and go try to be good enough for the guy because he's cute and your Dad is an asshole with rules. Thanks childhood cartoons for putting this shit in our heads.
Honestly I watched and read them all. I knew I needed to find a destitute bad boy and I could totally look right thru the physical and emotion and financial parts because none of that matters once you love him enough he will be perfect and things work out great.
UTTER FUCKING BULLSHIT. Yet a large portion of females do this. Especially in our youth. I would like to say that our frontal lobes aren't completely formed when we do these things. I would also like to say we learn our lesson and run straight into the arms of a wonderful man or find our own happiness that doesn't even involve being "good enough" or "tolerant enough" just to be who we are, how we are, and tell the world to take it or leave it.
There's a lot more to this and you could write a thousandkabillion Doctorate Thesis on this topic.
Why bother, every teenager is automatically smarter and has stronger feelings and unique experiences that their parents just can't comprehend because they are old. They got old by being a teenager and they are praying that you don't do the same stupid shit they did. Or they are drunk.
I need a fucking drink.
xo
PEACH OUT
Keep your arms & legs inside the vehicle at all times. The safety bar will lift when the ride comes to a complete stop.
9 comments:
Can I just say.. I HATED those freakin' mary janes!!!
And oh. My. Gawd! Lady and the Tramp was my favorite movie growing up, and it's still my favorite cartoon. You are a fucking genius, woman!
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When I look at Mrs. Penwasser (7 years my junior), I realize that, had we known each other in high school, I wouldn't have had a prayer with her. She would have been so out of my league.
Now, even though we're approaching our 26th anniversary, I still want to ask her, "What the hell were you thinking when you married me?"
*Even though I used to practice a lot when I was alone, I'm really not all that good in the "maritals" department. I'm so boring, my hand used to fall asleep.
*I was so poor that I couldn't even pay attention. And the job I had, "Italian Food Transportation Representative", made me stick a Dominos sign on my car.
*Hmm, I WAS pretty funny, though. And funny looking. So, maybe she was attracted to my sense of humor....? But, "Knock Knock" jokes and "Pull My Finger" in the supermarket get tiresome after a while.
Nope, I can only put my finger on one reason:
She was insane.
I friggin' love this post! I totally blame those stupid Disney movies.
Okay, so one of my favorites was The Aristocats, but that still has the same undertone/story as Lady & the Tramp, just with cats.
I think we've all fallen into this trap at one point or another with the wrong guy. Unfortunately for me, there were a long string of them. They were all a "Prince Charming" at first and turned into "The Beast" later. Ain't it always the way?
Part of the problem with the asshole kid from grade school is that everyone from the teacher to our parents told us "He hits you because he likes you" like somehow that's supposed to make it excusable and acceptable. Then when we grow up he says "I hit you because I love you." Anyone else catch THAT correlation?
Yeah, and women that hope their bad boy will change because she's The One? Not. Gonna. Happen. My ex-husband was a year younger than me and spent our wedding night with his boys playing Everquest until 6am. And lemme tell ya, the only thing that changed was he went from working full time to part time while I worked 3 jobs to make ends meet. Hence the term "EX-F*CKING-HUSBAND."
You did, however, leave out the wonderfer teen angst movies, Peach. You know, where the dork gets the girl, the bad boy falls for the pricess, the evil BMOC gets his just desserts while the class AV President gets the Homecoming queen and lastly, the Hot BMOC amends his douchbag ways and falls for the artsy fartsy geeky nobody chick.
Yes, we're set up for failure from mary jane's to mini skirts with no one to tell us different til we hit college (or later) when someone finally says "They're all dogs, we're just nicely dressed dog catchers trying to find a pure bred amongst the mutts."
And the nice guys we overlooked? Still in the Friend Zone where we left them. May wanna revisit that lil grey area and see if you left some sparks and some sanity behind in there.
Just my goofy 2 cents.
Mags
(MagsHoop)
haha very insightful, and quite a lot of intuitive responses! :) a good read
one day they will realize
my thoughts exactly!
I loved my first husband, I wanted him more than I wanted my next breath of air... turned out he bought my engagement ring at Sears.
On MY credit card.
Fucking rights, what was I thinking!?
When the REAL love of my life came along, I traded in those first ill-fated rings towards the stunning ring that has adorned my hand now for almost 25 years.
By far the single most awesome post you have ever written.
Good stuff.
Good stuff.
And don't forget about Jasmine, who runs off with that thieving bastard. And Rapunzel...am I the only one who thinks it would hurt like hell for someone to climb up your friggen hair?
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