Apocalypse How?

This was originally posted 2/2/11 by me, the artwork and concept is mine, yes it's sad that I am proud of this  Also, I really really hope I am right about this one.

A lot of people are freaking smooth out because of the Mayan Calendar.  So I used my Government Experience to come up with a more feasible explanation of what happened.











That's the  mystery behind they Mayan Calendar. Now you know.

.

XO

PEACH OUT

Balls to the Wall Friday

A ragged, old, derelict shuffled into a down and dirty bar. Stinking of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the "Piano Player Wanted" sign from the window and handed it to the bartender.

"I'd like to apply for the job," he said. "I was an F-4 pilot, flying off carriers back in ' Nam , but when they retired the Phantom all the thrill was gone, and soon they cashed me in as well. I learned to play the piano at O-Club happy hours, so here I am."

The barkeep wasn't too sure about this doubtful looking old guy, but it had been quite a while since he had a piano player and business was falling off. So, why not give him a try.

The seedy pilot staggered his way over to the piano while several patrons snickered. By the time he was into his third bar of music, every voice was silenced.

What followed was a rhapsody of soaring music unlike anything heard in the bar before. When he finished there wasn't a dry eye in the place.

The bartender took the old fighter pilot a beer and asked him the name of the song he had just played.

It's called "Drop your Skivvies, Baby, I'm Going Balls To The Wall For You" he said. After a long pull from the beer, leaving it empty, he said "I wrote it myself."

The bartender and the crowd winced at the title, but the piano player just went on into a knee-slapping, hand-clapping bit of ragtime that had the place jumping. After he finished, the fighter pilot acknowledged the applause, downed a second proffered mug, and told the crowd the song was called, "Big Boobs Make My Afterburner Light.

He then launched into another mesmerizing song and everyone in the room was enthralled. He announced that it was the latest rendition of his song, "Spread 'em Baby, It's Foggy Out Tonight and I Need To See The Centerline", excused himself and headed for the john.

When he came out the bartender went over to him and said, "Hey, fly boy, the job is yours; but, do you know your fly is open and your pecker is hanging out?"

"Know it?", the old fighter pilot replied, "Hell, I wrote it!"

We are all just nuts.

 

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree

just inside the cemetery fence.  One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of

nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,' said one boy.  Several
dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle.  As he passed, he
thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery.  He slowed down to
investigate.  He just knew what it was.  He jumped back on his bike and rode off.  Just
around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'You won't believe what I heard!  Satan and
the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!'

The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.'  When
the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, 'One for you, one for me.  One for you, one for me.'

The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth.  Let's see if
we can see the Lord...?

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to
see anything.  The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the
fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me.  That's all.  Now let's go get
those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...?

They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the
bike passed him.