My daughter fills in- Sam I am by Dr. Abuse

Meet my Daughter Sam who totally wrote todays post since she is  FREAKING AWESOME !

Sam I am,

I am Sam,

I hate your fucking Green Eggs and Spam,

Give me biscuits and Strawberry Jam,

a Honey Glazed Ham,

an Oil Slicked Man

One or Two?

I'll have 3

I love excess, excessively,

and revelry 

and sodomy,

OH SHIT NOT THAT!

WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?

crap I don't know my brain must be shrinking

that or sinking,

I think it's a side effect of genetic linking,

that and probably too much drinking.

What? Go away! You want another?

If you're looking for spankings please talk to my mother.

XO
SAM I AM AKA DR ABUSE



this post brought to you from the scary yet brilliant mind of Sam I am.  AKA my 21 year old daughter in College with a major in psychology.  If you want to read my more about my daughter Sam I am she's spattered all over my other blog. www.BeingPeachy.com  including her infamous FLAME about dirty ATM's and Safe words. 

Prince William you are screwing up dude

Ok so by know you know unless you live in a cave under a rock with Bose sound proof headphones that Prince William has announced his Royal Engagement to Kate.

Yes she is fashionable and pretty and smart, and all royalty royalty princess like, and whatever BLECH.

Ok here's the dealy princey pooh...  You are marrying a chick you have already been with for 8 years.  You are marrying a chick that is older than you and is nearly 30.  You are marrying a chick who is already rich.

WHAT IS YOUR MALFUNCTION?

Do you have any clue what you are missing out on?  I don't think you do because your too busy playing marco polo  and eating crumpets and hanging out with dudes with big ugly black hats to see the forest for the trees.

You need an American Chick.
A good cook
Someone who can knock the snot out of the paparazzi
Someone strong enough to tell you your Dad is a twit and your Step Mom is a home wrecking whore bag.
Someone you haven't already been getting the milk from for free for years.
Also having cool in laws would probably be good.


OH there are thousands of perfect fits for you darling but you really need someone who can hold down those floppy ears and put your snintty little ass in it's place no matter who the hell you think you are.

I would suggest someone who is very worldly, willing to travel, confident, possibly college educated,  can cook really good, artistic, musical,  GREAT with kids, not intimidated by status.

OMG Willy baby, I just figured out your perfect girl !!!

From her birth she was raised as a princess, but not the fluffy type all though she can totally pull that off too.

Highly educated, Politically aware, well traveled and does not cross her legs at the knee ( Princess Diaries lesson)

and as you can see she is always ready to deal with the photogs.

I am sure you will see the error of your ways and be contacting me soon my future son in law.  Treat her right dude because we are Americans and I will dot your friggin royal eye if you break her heart.  Also you can call me MOM not MUM, a MUM is a flower.

I will be expecting the Grandchildren for the summer. They will jump on a trampoline, swim in a river and make mud pies, don't argue, I am the MIL.

XOXO

PEACH OUT