Make my ATM talk dirty to me.- SAM I AM

In honor of the fact that my first born gets her 3rd degree ( which means the kid has shit tons of debt in a crappy economy and it's all my fault for making her go to college)  THIS FREAKING FRIDAY!   I thought it would be super cool to bring back some posts from her.

So here,  like it, love it, revel in her fucking genius.  She didn't learn this shit in college people.  Also tomorrow is her birthday.  Send her money, and super powers.

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So there I was for the first time in my life SPEECHLESS....

See my 21 year old daughter had come home from college for a couple days, and we had to run by the banks for her. Yes I said the banks. Because apparently not only is my daughter a better person, a smarter person, a more sober person, she is also better with money, so much better that she uses 3 banks. Yes 21, putting herself thru college, and 3 banks. All with money in them? WTH?  How did this happen?  I am not looking a gift horse in the mouth here people, I support her success  whole heartedly I mean she is the one who will pick out and probably pay for my nursing home in a few years.

I don't know maybe she took my philosophy on how to be an adult, " just do the opposite of your parents". It seemed to work for me. I mean I got a kid in college, paying her own way legally and stuff and wow, she has all these bank accounts and no debt.. ( I know again with the WTH?).

If you have been reading along you have seen my praises about my daughter, and how she is so on track with the non drinking and non dating and not wanting to get distracted until she is done with college and secure with herself and  blah blah blah, basically the complete opposite of everything I did. Which was advance drinking 303, right before I changed majors 3 kabillion and five times before dropping out to become a proam drinker just a mere semester prior to the degree.  But alas life on the road was too much and I settled down.

So as we pulled up to the last bank she didn't need to go in she used the ATM and it asked her enough questions to determine the  color of her under garments and she was getting steamed.  Then it took too long to print out the receipt.   She the did the unthinkable as she jerked the harmless little piece of paper out.  She cursed at the ATM.

GASP

I said in my best Mommy voice, " Honey you know you're on tape when you use those ATM's ?"

She looked at me with a look like I had just insulted her intelligance then turned to the machine and started.



" To whoever is watching this.  As much as I pay you to babysit my money, as much as I pay you in your  fees, you need to know this.  I cussed at your machine. I didn't punch it, but I can. As much of my money as you suck away without providing me at the very least a human with a substandard IQ  to deal with I should be able to slap your machine around, and your machine should talk dirty to me, instead of just words on a screen I should get to select the voice and accent and an option to choose the level of filth I complete my financial transaction in.  In fact, I want to feel like I need a drink when I leave this ATM, I want it to be so Raunchy my ATM has a safe word. That would be customer service worth paying for."

She then drove away as if nothing had just happened.

Ok she is totally my daughter... and I want to be her when I grow up.

 


That's my girl.

PEACH OUT !

it's blank bitches

sorry trolls go somewhere else let like the Tea Cup ride at Disney.

pay a fee wait in line or go to the short rides

BREAKING NEWS LADY GAGA AND MARILYN MANSON ARE SAME PERSON

Allegedly.  Definitely, Probably, Maybe. 

For  over a year I have been hard at work mentioning and doing intensive scientific studies thinking about  really important irrelevant stuff.

Remember the Great breaking news when my scientific studies PROVED BEYOND ALL DOUBT  insinuated there was PROOF a slim chance Justank Beaver is  in fact Donny Osmonds love child.  If not click here.

The point here people is that I am pretty much the go to gal for science studies and forensic celebrity investigations.  I know scary right?  That is freaking awesome and I am here just for you. yes you my one faithful reader.

Now here are some issues that made me come up with the hypothesis that Lady Ga Ga is indeed an updated Marilyn Manson.

1- has anyone hear or seen from Marilyn Manson since Ga Ga crashed onto the scene.
2- have they ever been in the same trash can/ room/ rehab/latex store/ state at the same time?
3- If you watch their creepy ass videos with it on mute ( because that shit will brainwash you)  it will appear that you could be watching either of the jerky, artsy, latex spattered, clearly self mutilating music videos where clearly FUCKING UGLY people think they are sexy.
4- They both wear insanely small corsets remember how the Manson rumor was that he had a rib removed to  have a smaller waist and fit into his/her corsets right?
5-  Each of them seem to love grossing people out to the point that sane humans will need a barf bag after listening to them speak or seeing their disgusting fashion choices and cover up their lack of talent with shock factor.


With all these questions and points it was clear I had to do more research.  Because I don't want to be the bitch who messes all this up.

I am going with some visual aids.

Both have a fetish for putting and doing weird things with their eyes and latex clothes.

Both bejazzel their faces in a mask like fashion

Both wear stupid shit on their head, black gloves and have an ugly ass snake like crusty tongues that lean left.

both have such disturbing profiles it's clear they were probably picked on horribly in school even by the stinky kid. However GAGA has learned not to be photo'd from her bad side.  Which is either one.  

Both wear stupid ass ankle breaking boots to make them taller and assier but can walk on lava or the planet Mercury.


I think my theory is coming together here,  but I found out a few more things in my research.

6- Both clearly have some type of minimal musical talent but it is hidden under their trite musical banging and if not for videos and photogs and press they would never be taken seriously.

7- It's apparent he /she/it learned their lesson about having a Fruit loops Tucan profile so GaGa only gets shot head on but you can see it in any of her videos.

8- both their names are double the same letter.  Marilyn Manson ( 2 m's)  Lady Ga Ga ( 2 g's)

Dangerously close to proving my theory I was nearly sucked into their world as if a victim of "Inception" or "Butterfly Effect"  Walking amongst their insanity it was becoming increasingly hard to identify who was who and almost purchased a corset and glued sparkly shit to my face.  Then in as the madness deepened it hit me.

To Prove this theory I will indeed need to turn to my nemesis. Mathematical theory. ( dun dun dun)

the numbers appeared on the paper like magic.

Marilyn Manson                                                    Lady Ga Ga
M is the 13th letter in the Alphabet                             G is the 7th letter in the Alphabet
2x13 is = 26                                                              2x7 is 14
he's non existent now                                                 she is twice as popular as he was so 2x14 is 28
he was androgynous                                                  she had to put LADY in her name so you would know
                      there are 2 chromosomes that determine your sex.
                                                                                if you take away the Lady claim that would -2
                     total findings- Mathematically they are indeed the same person
end result - 26                                                           end result 26

I find these truths to be self evident.  I will also sit back and wait for my Honorary Phd's in all Science, Math and Philosophy to come rolling it.  I will be right here.  Not wearing latex, Not glue shit to my face.  I swear.

xo

PEACH OUT

* disclaimer none of these photos are mine.  they were sent to me by my crack staff of interns that knew I was working on this for over a year.   I thank them.

*  that first disclaimer was total bullshit.  seriously I have no clue where I got these probably from google searches on FUCKING FREAKS, so if it's YOUR pic, and by that I mean You are indeed Marilyn Manson/Lady Gaga,  call me up we will talk about you paying me for press  you sick bitch.