Another Brick on the Wall

Hey guess what my kid just got a 4 year full ride sport scholarship to a major U.

Guess what everyone of you were silently either high fiving me or you virtual hate meter was on the rise.  Why?

Hey guess what my daughter is graduating in May with her second college degree, is on the Deans list a class load so heavy she has to get department approval and works 40 hours a week on top of it to put herself through school while paying her college to minimize the life time she will be forever in debt with what is known as student loan hell.

Which do I get know the five or the finger?  Ok

Hey guess what, my 9 year old d4th grader just "voluntarily" participated in a Science fair for his school since it's not required here until " higher grades"  He walked away with more ribbons than a prize heifer at the state fair.  He goes as the overall winner to Regionals.  We have  to pay registration, travel, provide our own table, and he will set 9 hours on the floor next to his project.  Oh wait did I mention we have already been told he can't go any further than Regionals because he's too young?

Five or finger? Almost there?

Today is 4th grade state exams, you know the ones required by the laws that govern our education.  It is so important that an automated phone message went out to all parents.  It said something like: make sure your child goes to bed early, gets good sleep,  eats breakfast at home.  All children will need to be to school early, and all children will be taken to the cafeteria for breakfast before class.  So even if your child eats at home you may want to send "extra" money for them to eat.  "Unless they already receive free or reduced meals"


where we at here?  1 more?

Last night my 9 year old fourth grade had his 3rd baseball practice, which is kid pitch minor leagues here.  His first practice was 1 hour, his second practice was at nearly 3,  and tonight for his third practice we skirmished a neighboring rival town but did not keep score,  we got there at 5pm, the game started at 630pm. By the time we got home crammed what would be considered a dinner in some 3rd world countries hosed him off and got uniforms and lunches packed made him cool down and rubbed his legs and arms with icy hot,  it is considerably later than his usual bedtime.  95% of both teams have these tests tomorrow and both coaches have kids on the teams and knew about the tests.

Ok so where am I sitting on your finger scale? am I getting 5 up high or a single soldier telling me to shut up.


Here's the deal folks 1 of those scenarios was complete and utter bullshit.

Since I live in the United States, and then deep south I will totally let you guess which ones are the sad educational truth here.

We don't raise rocket scientist here people, we raise HERO's.  You know like Brett "ThePhone" Farve?  Yeah we get to claim him.  Shut up I know we are lucky right?   Lucky like a $5.00 hooker on penny night at the local dive.

Why?

Ask Floyd baby,  " we don't need no education"  ( as long as you can play sports)


XO


PEACH OUT

Now in return for your reading the post from a competitive softball player and cheerleader turned coach, who drank her way through college and married a guy with the athletic DNA of Steve Urkle I give you a little pleasure.

Make my ATM talk dirty to me.- SAM I AM

In honor of the fact that my first born gets her 3rd degree ( which means the kid has shit tons of debt in a crappy economy and it's all my fault for making her go to college)  THIS FREAKING FRIDAY!   I thought it would be super cool to bring back some posts from her.

So here,  like it, love it, revel in her fucking genius.  She didn't learn this shit in college people.  Also tomorrow is her birthday.  Send her money, and super powers.

*****************



So there I was for the first time in my life SPEECHLESS....

See my 21 year old daughter had come home from college for a couple days, and we had to run by the banks for her. Yes I said the banks. Because apparently not only is my daughter a better person, a smarter person, a more sober person, she is also better with money, so much better that she uses 3 banks. Yes 21, putting herself thru college, and 3 banks. All with money in them? WTH?  How did this happen?  I am not looking a gift horse in the mouth here people, I support her success  whole heartedly I mean she is the one who will pick out and probably pay for my nursing home in a few years.

I don't know maybe she took my philosophy on how to be an adult, " just do the opposite of your parents". It seemed to work for me. I mean I got a kid in college, paying her own way legally and stuff and wow, she has all these bank accounts and no debt.. ( I know again with the WTH?).

If you have been reading along you have seen my praises about my daughter, and how she is so on track with the non drinking and non dating and not wanting to get distracted until she is done with college and secure with herself and  blah blah blah, basically the complete opposite of everything I did. Which was advance drinking 303, right before I changed majors 3 kabillion and five times before dropping out to become a proam drinker just a mere semester prior to the degree.  But alas life on the road was too much and I settled down.

So as we pulled up to the last bank she didn't need to go in she used the ATM and it asked her enough questions to determine the  color of her under garments and she was getting steamed.  Then it took too long to print out the receipt.   She the did the unthinkable as she jerked the harmless little piece of paper out.  She cursed at the ATM.

GASP

I said in my best Mommy voice, " Honey you know you're on tape when you use those ATM's ?"

She looked at me with a look like I had just insulted her intelligance then turned to the machine and started.



" To whoever is watching this.  As much as I pay you to babysit my money, as much as I pay you in your  fees, you need to know this.  I cussed at your machine. I didn't punch it, but I can. As much of my money as you suck away without providing me at the very least a human with a substandard IQ  to deal with I should be able to slap your machine around, and your machine should talk dirty to me, instead of just words on a screen I should get to select the voice and accent and an option to choose the level of filth I complete my financial transaction in.  In fact, I want to feel like I need a drink when I leave this ATM, I want it to be so Raunchy my ATM has a safe word. That would be customer service worth paying for."

She then drove away as if nothing had just happened.

Ok she is totally my daughter... and I want to be her when I grow up.

 


That's my girl.

PEACH OUT !

Good News for Radio Shack !

I have been working with the FBI over the past few days but I did NOT put that GPS on Yasir Afifi  car.  


If you look at the pictures of that thing it looks like ( a bad ass sex toy) some type of 1960 James Bond type shit.  Hardly the modern high tech stuff I would hope our FBI would have access to.

This thing just needs a sexy toy name.  Photo: Reddit.com 

Why do we even need these devices anymore?  


4 Square,  Facebook,  twitter locations, and the biggest ever Big Brother- On Star.


My 9 year old can find anyone, their personal history, tax records,  credit score, who they went to kindergarten with, and the color of the undergarments they wore on last Tuesday at 3pm EST.


So FBI,  don't waste your $29.95 out of my tax dollars at radio shack on the clearance isle.  Please.  Just pick up the phone and ask me, I will ask my kid to stop playing xbox and solve your problems.


Or you can shoot me an electronic message using your fancy new technologically advanced computer that fits in just 1 room.

Al Gore invented something called the internet, give it a try.

PEACH OUT