Saturday, April 30, 2011

I will drop kick your ass

Dear People of Friday.

To the 5'1'  E.R. Doctor that  suffered from a sever case of Dolphin syndrome) having his head so far up his ass he had a hole in the back of his neck so that he could breath).  I understand why you became a Dr.  You suffered from little man syndrome your entire life.  So you had to go to school so you could feel big and then you caught GOD syndrome and now unfortunately you have DICK syndrome.  I say this because when you step in the room after 5 hours of testing and say something about a major organ followed with the word organ and then step out of the room and I grab you in the hall way you don't tap my arm and go, "  sweetie" and run away.
This get's your tiny ass dropped kicked like Charlie Brown from Peanuts.  Please also know the nurses hate your freaking guts and wanted me to stomp you into a puddle of scrubs.   Good luck with the way everything works out for you dude.

ON the flip side-  Ms Kick Ass female DR that told the barbie nurse to shut her face hole and then said, " do you want to die or listen? " wow I love you.  nuff said.   Absolutely you should run that place. Also I would pay good money to watch you drop kick Dr Dick from the ER.

Dear Lazy Mother fucking Cop from TN who called me at 11pm at night.  Do not try to guilt me for not wanting to bail someone out of jail.  Sorry you had to do your job and arrest a criminal.  WOW that had to suck.  Also sorry you are having to actually put a pen to paper or run your doughnut stained fingers peg by peg over the keyboard to type out a report.  But do NOT fucking call me to bond out someone.  Then have the nerve to get pissy to the point I can HEAR YOU roll your lazy ass eyeballs when I say NO I WILL NOT BOND OUT THE CRIMINAL   because as you said, "  I will have to do more paperwork".  fucking wha.   I am sure that will hold you up from what?   finishing up the job?   a painter has to wash his brushes when he's done he hates that shit,  a cook has to wash the dishes and a mom has to change diapers, do the fucking paperwork.  You COPS hate bondsmen like they are scum, YET YOU want family to come up there and huff and puff when we don't  well suck my fictional dick ass hat,  he broke the law, and can sit, he needs to sit, in fact, he shouldn't be out,    First rule of my club,  don't break the law,  second rule,  if you do don't get caught,  third rule- dont be stupid enough to call me.

Dear Drug Dealer friend of the person in jail-   I would like to personally thank you for blowing my phone up everyone 7 minutes  from 1130pm until 6am ( presumably when your crack/pot/meth/drano  wore off)  crying into my phone.  I understand you have a disease,  you're sick. blah blah, hear my bleeding heart weep for you as you run around laughing while you rob society, innocent hardworking people and commit crimes to score your shit,  I would love it if I had enough faith in the Police where you were I would tell each of your dumb stoned asses I was wiring you money just so they would know where to pick up up, but since Officer 2FUCKING LAZY.  Probably wouldn't be there that just means you would figure out the deal and come kill me so I wont.  

and to the final person of yesterday that needs to be drop kicked-    ME.    What the hell are you doing?   The Prince got pegged in the spine and face with a baseball during over time and you didn't even bring it up. I mean I realize 2 other people are like in seriously crap right now but really? the prince.
ME2- Yeah well I think a family member in the hospital, handling it, ER, admitting, blah, then the entire out of state thing with the problem person and blah, I mean blah, I am exhausted and now I have to go again and handle everything,  remember this past monday I said I think I have a brain cloud on here.  hello?
ME-  Shut the fuck up.  Take your fucking stun gun with you today,  also pepper spray, also,  video camera, cause you if stun gun someones ass you better video it, then youtube it before they pick you up.  You are going to snap huh?
ME2-  probably I mean I am fucking talking to myself here shit.

If you are on this list, consider your ass drop kicked. (  that goes double for me)


Carol said...

Just another day in paradise darlin'. There are an awful lot of idiots in paradise, don't ya think?

Oilfield Trash said...

I think Carol summed it up nicely.

Sorry you have to deal with jackasses.

The Empress said...

Sorry to hear about the overload of jackwagons that have wreaked havoc upon your life lately. They seem to be everywhere. Here is some good mojo to help balance it all out.

The Reckmonster said...

I think you handled everything A-Okay. Nothing wrong wrong with the way you did anything! And it sucks that you had to deal with all of that at once. But, in true fashion - you ARE the Peach... and you got this shit handled, biotches!!

ThePeachy1 said...

I am reigning in the land of Supreme Stupidity right now, I will let you know when I am ready to hand the title over, I fully expect to be arrested for something lubricious( not the rapper) at any moment. Don'
t bother bailing me out, I need the vacation.