I got more pricks than A Porn Star also here's a pic of my beaver.

Ok this shit is getting old in a super fast way.

As most of you know on the 10th I drove myself to the E.R. like a big twatwaffle because I was having a heart attack. I never had a heart attack  before and since I wasn't in a junk yard, and didn't have chest pains to be fair I wasn't 100% sure it was indeed a heart attack.

The Military in true fashion  had 1 dude that finished the last couple weeks of school and he was playing golf or having an affair or whatever so they sent me to the civilian equivalent to a Gold fish Doctor where they cathed my heart on my daughter's 22nd birthday. I was awake for the beginning of the heart cath and I don't really recommend that for anyone except maybe a couple of those hyena bitches from "The View",
Click here and read - A nut in the Hand
anyway I wrote about it here, because I grabbed the Italian GoldFish Doctor by the nutsack.. He prescribed a medicine and we pretty much left thinking I had dodge another bullet and was rocking the heart with the kick butt sexy brain and it was all just gravy. Went to daughters grad, worked overtime trying to make up some funds, because MENSA man can't balance a budget any more than he can shave hair off a moldy dish he leaves laying in the sink for 3 days. Then went and watched the prince rock his county baseball tournament. Each day I got more and more tired. The fatigue was kicking my butt. But my days needed to be longer, going from 17- 19 to 21 hours. I had to catch up, I was becoming slower so my days had to become longer. I was tearing it up like a herd of turtles.

Ok actually I couldn't take more than 10 steps without panting like a freaking fat hog who just ran a 10 k with a hoho on a stick in front of her face. I saw my PCM ( which means Primary Care Physician even when they aren't always physicians, and most of the time they don't really care. I expressed to her like 15 times that I was extremely exhausted and it was getting worse, and I was worried. But my nearly a Doctor if she went to school for 10 more years and was over 17 years old  said that's what happens with stress ( wtf you turd?)  so I guess I am ok right? The only stress I have is the inability to communicate with you jackholes.

Long story short between they screwed up meds, and me trying to catch up from the time out from the heart attack ( which I called an event last week so as to play it down)  and the "almost nearly a doctor" blowing me off,  I almost nearly ate dirt in a permanent  fashion this past weekend.

Thankfully the droid was home.  I took a nap, ( rarely happens)  on Saturday because I am in a state of constant exhaustion.  I woke up with back pain. ONLY.  However,  since I have been in a state of permanent exhaustion he pulled the 'FUCK THIS" card,  and took me to the Emergency room.

They scooted me straight back to the E.R. where my first labs and EKG came back awesome but they admitted me because it can take up to 12 hours for the Troponin ( or whatever enzime shows in your blood that you had the heart attack) to show up.  Mind you neither time did I have chest pains.
Click here So you don't die, read this almost PSA by me  This time I didn't even have the jaw pain or sweats, or shakies, or dizzies, or nothing.  But the Droid was here, and he doesn't feel like wearing a tie to a funeral or cooking for the prince until he's 18 if I die so he is protecting his investment so he made me go.

They admitted me, and requested my records from the other civilian/ Goldfish hospital/doctor/popped nut Italian hottie guy.

Come to find out,  it   I win the bet against the Droid.  I do have a freak heart.  So nee nur.   Unfortunately it's  nearly as jacked up as my brain, which is as whiggidy whack as my attitude.  I have super small aterieries, and  some type of spasm issue which I guess makes me a spaz.

INSERT WORD AWESOME HERE- ___________________________________--
Because I am actually a freaking spaz.

The medicine they gave me the Goldfish Dr messed up and shouldn't have given me because I have low BP and low heart rate and dude gave me stuff to lower it.  That will teach me to pop a Dr's nut YO.   Yeah he may have been sitting on frozen peas but I kept eating tile flooring and stuff. Then the military Docs kept blowing me off, you know cause,  I don't look or act sick.  Apparently the hospital is based on theatrical abilities not medical issues.

So I spent my weekend in the Military hospital finding out the Goldfish people knew my heart was 47 levels of jacked up,  yet they did nothing other than give me a medicine that could have killed me.  The PCM ( nearly almost a real doctor who is looking forward to being able to vote next year and drink in a couple years)  blew me and my complaints off even though she was handed the medicine.

My care is now handed over to a team of actual Dr's in Internal Medicine and Genetics.   My bloodwork was drawn every 2 hours, I am on 5 new medicines which brings my daily total to 23.  This time I am actually going to listen and be on bed rest. Because in the grand scheme of things I would rather be dead broke then just dead. I have been digging in the couch cushions broke before. Hell I have been, "wish I owned a couch!" broke before, so it's no biggie. Alive is so much more cool. I spent 2 years of my life adjusting to this crazy brain crap and    yesterday I have coronary artery  disease, some blockages, some spasms, some super small arteries, I think they found out that the smurfs butt rocking Gargamel live in my heart who knows.


Your tweets, dm's, facebook posts, and emails mean a LOT.  Honestly I adore all of you crazy folks.
I have just as much hair on the dishes in my sink as I do on my floors. I am not spending much time on facebook or twitter.  I miss everyone but I really want to dance at my daughters wedding one day,  hold my yet to be dreamt up grandchildren and watch the prince who is 10 graduate.  Those things are far off in the future and damn it I intend to be here.   They say this shortens my life, whatever, they told my dad in 1987 he had 6  months.

So the entire " lifes a journey not a job thing,  take it serious folks,  rock every day, and who gives a crap if your socks don't match, or you spilled that lunch down the front of your shirt.  Rock it !


xo

PEACH OUT

**  Due to popular demand to see my 1/2 shave monkey/ beaver/groin   just like the 80's in Daytona totally free of charge.   These bruises were just from the first hospital stay.  honestly now I look even more like Violet Beauregaurde,  it's very sexy.   Very Very Sexy.

Don't you wish your Beaver was hot like me.  doncha, doncha..

Welcome to the family, finally....

Dear House-

I remember when I used to dream about you. Living in a camper with my kids working 2 jobs and going to college.  

I remember going through tons of blueprints, looking for what would become our home one day. 

I remember planning in advance so the house would ALWAYS work for us. ( because nursing homes always smell like poo)

I remember when you were being built and how I told everyone that I just wanted you done, and then they would have to pry the keys from my dead hands to get me out, using a couple tow trucks.

I remember picking out furniture that would make each room "just right"  and when we ran out of money and credit dropping into Guidos rent to own.

I remember allowing each kid to actually paint and furnish their own rooms ( finally)  ( see huge mistake).

I remember how I wouldn't let the Droid mount a dish on you or put an antenna up on you because for a Geek he can go all Jed Clampet

I remember how you let me sleep in my daughters room the first 2 weeks she was gone to college and her bed wraps around you like a burrito shell.

I remember how proud I was that I had double equity in you over your debt because I did things the right way,  boy was that glory short lived

I remember you taking a beating during a 2005 hurricane season.  That's when I found out you didn't have wood under your siding, and your chimney was toe-nailed on by 3 nails. 

I remember the kids being proud to bring their friends to see you because it wasn't a camper and there weren't any wheels under you or anything.

I remember hearing a violin, a trumpet, drums, and singing bellow from the upstairs, which was torture beyond all belief sort of like a bag of kittens being beaten with a hammer.

I remember the first hole in our wall and the time I flooded the master suite and closets so bad we had to tear out the carpet, the "first " time I flooded it.  why has no one invented a your shit is about to overfill alarm ( consider that idea copyrighted as of this second people)

and now you are just a filthy  banged up in need of attention money sucking, upside down huge mortgage having pain in my ass.

I am so glad you stopped out shinning me and decided you wanted to be more like me.  every level of fucked up.

Welcome to the family you big piece of shit.

No idea who to credit for this since a reader sent it to me. Thanks you rock,
Also did you notice we make our house wear the red shirt on  away missions, heh. stupid house.

XO 


PEACH OUT

The Family Christmas Party

Come they told me, Barumbabumbum, to the party Barumbabumbum, we will have food for you Barumbabum,  the finest liquor for you Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum.

So I got dresssed up Barumbabumbum, we parked a van near their trucks Barumbabumbum, we smiled and hugged everyone Barumbabumbum, the food was good Lloyd ate 3 plates Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum

Then I had a drink Barumbabumbum, Then I had a drink Barumbabumbum,  Then I had 5 more Barumbabumbum, next thing I knew I was on the floor Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum.

We haven't opened the gifts they cried Barumbabumbum, I said I didn't get you any so it's fine Barumbabumbum  they screamed and cursed at me Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum

Lloyd drove me home Barumbabumbum, he had to stop 2 times Barumbabumbum, the cheap liquor left me Barumbabumbum,  when I passed out I had this dream Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum.

I was dating Optimus Prime Barumbabumbum, I asked him if he could be more Barumbabumbum,  like a washer with a non rusty front door, Barumbabumbum,  he got all screamy saying why you want to change me Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum

I was like because you are a transormer Barumbabumbum, do you ever have wierd dreams like this Barumbabumbum,  it could have been the dip Barumbabumbum, I am too old for this shit, Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum

when we got home I woke up fast, Barumbabumbum,  I promtply stumbled over  our stinking cat Barumbabumbum,   I fell into the tree lost my hat bruised my knee Barumbabumbum, I smashed a present but it was just a sweater, it will survive Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum Barumbabumbum

My family's pissed at me Barumbabumbum,  but that's the norm you see Barumbabumbum, I have to stop right now Barumbabumbum,  my head is pounding OOOW !  Barumbabumbum, Barumbabumbum, Barumbabumbum

and now.  My Favorite Christmas Carol for 2010. It's worth the 4 minutes because around 3:10 it gets insane !



yep, that pretty much sums up this year.

Happy, Merry, whatever this season means to you, TO You from me.

xoxo

PEACH OUT