Your kind of event !

This conversation  took place between me and my husband while he was at work this morning on chat.   There was a story on the midday news about an "event" coming up, and 2 people were there representing the event and giving information about it.  It so happens that my husband enjoys these types of events but has NOT been to one in the over 15 years we have been married because he had the common sense to completely avoid letting me be aware of this until I had invested way too much time and gained too much weight to go back in the dating pool.   The names and places of the event have been changed to protect the creepy people that may or may not be innocent... allegedly.

Peach- it was just on the news the local dude, I guess it lasts 24 hours straight and they camp out??? seriously?? anyway the 2 guys on totally look like text book pedophiles, I'm sure they are super skilled at social settings, anyway it kicks off with a free pic nic & food at noon on "insert date", then they start " insert activity" at 1pm, then the continuously "insert activity"t until 1pm on sunday, they are encouraging families to come out, they will have "insert 3 kinds of modern and not modern technology", "insert awards" for kids to make contact, and "other stuff" whatever it's called it took me a minute to figure out they weren't profiling serial killers. here's the site they gave "insert website" and I could only write down 1 guys phone number fast enough "insert guy who gave his personal cell phone on the news "it's in "insert town"

Droid- yeah, we can go check it out if you want. Unless its a big "insert word that implies that this event could be bigger" event it will be fairly boring....I have been in many "insert event" as an " insert term for person who spent time at these". I even had a pic of me and Pat Sherrill at one of the events.lol

*** If you don't know who Pat Sherril is, but have used the term "going postal" at this point I will wait while you go and google Pat Sherril because you need to understand that there is a picture of my husband WITH this person????"

Peach- oh we totally need to find that picture because that is probably the ONLY thing that would make those people less creepy

Droid- Well It had pat standingin front of one of the emergency op vans...

Peach - but yes we should go, it does sound like fun, and it would be cool for you and "the prince" to do/see, plus we really don't get out and I will assume that it's free... and they probably have candy in their pockets or vans

Droid- black and white thing.. might be in that red photo albmun or something somewhere

Peach - their rape vans

Droid- oh it will be free, trust me, they WANT the public to see it, and hopefully get some new meat interested in "insert hobby/obsession"

Peach- yeah you said meat,

Peach-  ok well I guess we will go, I've never been, I'm up to trying new things, that don't involve me or my kid getting murdered.  Do you think the Prince is too old to wear a leash?

Peach-  I think I will dress like a cop just in case  or do you think that would make people less or more likely to kill/injure/kidnap me?

Peach-  not sexy cop, like in a mini skirt and boobs out and high heels, but like a manly cop, with a bullet proof vest so you can't even see my boobs cause they are mashed down. Never mind that sounds really uncomfortable and if I am uncomfortable I wont have a good time no matter how awesome and friendly these people who avoid all human contact are.  Do you think that's why some cops seems grumpy?

Peach-  Never mind the cop thing, " the prince"  is a green belt now so I wont worry about the leash plus we had that gps chip implanted in him when he became a tween anyway.   Plus it will probably be really hot out, so I might wear something like the thing Princess Leia wore when she was chained to Jabba the hut.  WAIT  I have it, you wear the Princess Leia slave bikini thing and I will go as Jabba the hut and you can be chained to me, that way you will be like bait and I can eat all the free food they have there.  That's the plan ok?

Peach- I thought about I will pack us a lunch their food probably has ruffies in it.  That would totally suck if we got ruffied and then " the prince" had to drive us home because he still has a couple years before he can get a license and he nearly drove into the house on the riding lawn mower this weekend,  how does that happen?  I mean he has 2.5 acres to drive around the house is not in the way.  So yeah he's totally not driving us, but I don't want to pack a lunch, so here's the deal, YOU don't eat there, I will, because honestly I don't care what you do if I am ruffied as long as you don't sell me to anyone or something, but since I will be dressed like Jabba the hut I will probably be good.

Peach-  do you think we can rent one of those scooter things?  I mean if I get ruffied it would probably be better to have a scooter so you could just drive me around rather than drag me since you will be dressed in a bikini like Princess Leia.

Peach-  ok so we will go to this thing,  we know what we are wearing, who is eating, transportation,  it's all set,  do you realize how hot our UPS guy is?  Seriously?  that guys is flat out smokin' hot,  he just came by but we didn't get anything he was on the wrong road which is his code for,  " hey baby want some afternoon UPS guy?" and I was like oh yeah you know it,  then I told him I would be all ruffied up after this event, and he gave me that look and said he would be back,  even if I have to send something to myself.  Are you even listening to me?  WTH are you doing?

Droid-  yeah baby I'm listening,  sounds good looking forward to it,  I'm eating a Beef Stew MRE for lunch, it's pretty good.

Peach-  MRE?  uhm your a computer guy in a downtown complex with 5 restaurants within walking distance?   I have to go. I think the cat did bath salts it's trying to eat the stairs, which I guess to a cat on bath salts looks like a human face.

Have a great week...

xo
PEACH OUT

Up thy ass

As you know by know I have a bit of a " don't give a hoot" personality.  This bodes me well especially in the epic fucktastic worldwind that is my life.

I lazily roll over roadblocks while laughing and at them and shouting my mantra that "everything happens for a reason".

Then today.

Today a troll of a bitch from the bowels of satan calls my phone.  She has never met me.  She is in the medical field. She can not pronounce my DX and obviously has no clue what it is or how it works.  Yet she felt the need to pass her own little narrow minded behind a desk, Monday Morning judgment on me.  I took her verbal stabs and blows.

There was no need for what she did. None.  I was disappointed in my lack of usual fire back, and put in place ability.  Maybe the last seizure weakened me,  maybe the heart attacks have me down,  maybe I am just tired of being the "educator of the medical field"   but I let her think she had won.

I did something I never do.  I called my husband, and turned her in.  I told him with a quivering voice that I was done, and she was the cause and that I didn't want to fight anymore.  I wasn't expecting him to break character but just as I had today he did also, he picked up the baton, and proceeded to verbally beat the ever living shit out of this woman with it for 30 minutes.  That is not his style.  That is not him.  That is me. But I had dropped the ball.  He picked it up.

Thanks Droid.

You're a good man Charlie Brown

xo

PEACH OUT

I got more pricks than A Porn Star also here's a pic of my beaver.

Ok this shit is getting old in a super fast way.

As most of you know on the 10th I drove myself to the E.R. like a big twatwaffle because I was having a heart attack. I never had a heart attack  before and since I wasn't in a junk yard, and didn't have chest pains to be fair I wasn't 100% sure it was indeed a heart attack.

The Military in true fashion  had 1 dude that finished the last couple weeks of school and he was playing golf or having an affair or whatever so they sent me to the civilian equivalent to a Gold fish Doctor where they cathed my heart on my daughter's 22nd birthday. I was awake for the beginning of the heart cath and I don't really recommend that for anyone except maybe a couple of those hyena bitches from "The View",
Click here and read - A nut in the Hand
anyway I wrote about it here, because I grabbed the Italian GoldFish Doctor by the nutsack.. He prescribed a medicine and we pretty much left thinking I had dodge another bullet and was rocking the heart with the kick butt sexy brain and it was all just gravy. Went to daughters grad, worked overtime trying to make up some funds, because MENSA man can't balance a budget any more than he can shave hair off a moldy dish he leaves laying in the sink for 3 days. Then went and watched the prince rock his county baseball tournament. Each day I got more and more tired. The fatigue was kicking my butt. But my days needed to be longer, going from 17- 19 to 21 hours. I had to catch up, I was becoming slower so my days had to become longer. I was tearing it up like a herd of turtles.

Ok actually I couldn't take more than 10 steps without panting like a freaking fat hog who just ran a 10 k with a hoho on a stick in front of her face. I saw my PCM ( which means Primary Care Physician even when they aren't always physicians, and most of the time they don't really care. I expressed to her like 15 times that I was extremely exhausted and it was getting worse, and I was worried. But my nearly a Doctor if she went to school for 10 more years and was over 17 years old  said that's what happens with stress ( wtf you turd?)  so I guess I am ok right? The only stress I have is the inability to communicate with you jackholes.

Long story short between they screwed up meds, and me trying to catch up from the time out from the heart attack ( which I called an event last week so as to play it down)  and the "almost nearly a doctor" blowing me off,  I almost nearly ate dirt in a permanent  fashion this past weekend.

Thankfully the droid was home.  I took a nap, ( rarely happens)  on Saturday because I am in a state of constant exhaustion.  I woke up with back pain. ONLY.  However,  since I have been in a state of permanent exhaustion he pulled the 'FUCK THIS" card,  and took me to the Emergency room.

They scooted me straight back to the E.R. where my first labs and EKG came back awesome but they admitted me because it can take up to 12 hours for the Troponin ( or whatever enzime shows in your blood that you had the heart attack) to show up.  Mind you neither time did I have chest pains.
Click here So you don't die, read this almost PSA by me  This time I didn't even have the jaw pain or sweats, or shakies, or dizzies, or nothing.  But the Droid was here, and he doesn't feel like wearing a tie to a funeral or cooking for the prince until he's 18 if I die so he is protecting his investment so he made me go.

They admitted me, and requested my records from the other civilian/ Goldfish hospital/doctor/popped nut Italian hottie guy.

Come to find out,  it   I win the bet against the Droid.  I do have a freak heart.  So nee nur.   Unfortunately it's  nearly as jacked up as my brain, which is as whiggidy whack as my attitude.  I have super small aterieries, and  some type of spasm issue which I guess makes me a spaz.

INSERT WORD AWESOME HERE- ___________________________________--
Because I am actually a freaking spaz.

The medicine they gave me the Goldfish Dr messed up and shouldn't have given me because I have low BP and low heart rate and dude gave me stuff to lower it.  That will teach me to pop a Dr's nut YO.   Yeah he may have been sitting on frozen peas but I kept eating tile flooring and stuff. Then the military Docs kept blowing me off, you know cause,  I don't look or act sick.  Apparently the hospital is based on theatrical abilities not medical issues.

So I spent my weekend in the Military hospital finding out the Goldfish people knew my heart was 47 levels of jacked up,  yet they did nothing other than give me a medicine that could have killed me.  The PCM ( nearly almost a real doctor who is looking forward to being able to vote next year and drink in a couple years)  blew me and my complaints off even though she was handed the medicine.

My care is now handed over to a team of actual Dr's in Internal Medicine and Genetics.   My bloodwork was drawn every 2 hours, I am on 5 new medicines which brings my daily total to 23.  This time I am actually going to listen and be on bed rest. Because in the grand scheme of things I would rather be dead broke then just dead. I have been digging in the couch cushions broke before. Hell I have been, "wish I owned a couch!" broke before, so it's no biggie. Alive is so much more cool. I spent 2 years of my life adjusting to this crazy brain crap and    yesterday I have coronary artery  disease, some blockages, some spasms, some super small arteries, I think they found out that the smurfs butt rocking Gargamel live in my heart who knows.


Your tweets, dm's, facebook posts, and emails mean a LOT.  Honestly I adore all of you crazy folks.
I have just as much hair on the dishes in my sink as I do on my floors. I am not spending much time on facebook or twitter.  I miss everyone but I really want to dance at my daughters wedding one day,  hold my yet to be dreamt up grandchildren and watch the prince who is 10 graduate.  Those things are far off in the future and damn it I intend to be here.   They say this shortens my life, whatever, they told my dad in 1987 he had 6  months.

So the entire " lifes a journey not a job thing,  take it serious folks,  rock every day, and who gives a crap if your socks don't match, or you spilled that lunch down the front of your shirt.  Rock it !


xo

PEACH OUT

**  Due to popular demand to see my 1/2 shave monkey/ beaver/groin   just like the 80's in Daytona totally free of charge.   These bruises were just from the first hospital stay.  honestly now I look even more like Violet Beauregaurde,  it's very sexy.   Very Very Sexy.

Don't you wish your Beaver was hot like me.  doncha, doncha..

A nut in the hand is better than 2 in the Bush

You know what's NOT awesome?   A fucking heart attack.   Oh yeah other things suck, like a flat tire, being late for work or a speeding ticket.   But I have to tell you guys, a heart attack ranks right up there with an IRS anal probing and shit.

Here's a quick run down.

• Tuesday Morning I had a heard attack.
• I drove myself to the E.R. after I posted, answered emails, showered, fed the dogs, and moved the clothes to the dryer.
• The military E.R. Dr is a fucking douche and actually had the fucking balls to say that since I drove myself, walked in, and was telling jokes that he didn't think I had a heart attack it was probably a panic attack. ( do people tell jokes when they have panic attacks? I ask since I have never had one and should know in case I do have one so I don't bother any cocky E.R. Doctors.)
• 5 minutes later the same Dr was helping cut off my clothes when my fucking blood work and tests showed I had a heart attack, now whose panicking bitch.
• The Military base has a lot of Dr's but unfortunately only 1 of their heart Doctors went to the last 2 weeks of school, and he happened to be on vacation.  Go fucking figure.
• The ambulance that came to take me to Civilian hospital was super cool, but the driver had a horrible stutter and The Prince thought the ambulance guy was kidding and kept giggling and I had an O2 mask on and an IV so I couldn't tell him to stop or grab him and it was like my husband didn't notice. So now I have to fucking make cookies or shit for that poor ambulance guy, even though he didn't say anything I was like FUCK, I can't die cause The Prince has no clue he's being totally NON PC right now. Damn it.
• I should have eaten dinner Monday night or breakfast Tuesday morning before I went to the E.R. because I was NPO until Wednesday night and that sucked big and hard. 
• Wednesday at noon I met my heart surgeon he was like 5'4 and Italian, and seemed super cool, he said he was sure my heart was awesome and he was just going to drive the camera up to take a peak. I know that was code for I want to see if your carpet matches your drapes.
• I have a weakness for Italians.  So I was like sure baby, I mean Dr Olive whatevs.. wink wink.
• I tweeted-  "gotta go I am going down"
• apparently when people know you are in the hospital for a heart attack, you shouldn't use the words, "I'm going down"...   it caused quite the freak out.  whoops, my bad. 
• I was totally fucking awake in the cath lab.
• I told them I was totally fucking awake in the cath lab
• All 3 nurses and the anesthesiologist ignored me when I told them repeatedly I was awake in the cath lab.
• The have clear plastic things that come up over your arms from the shoulder down to your wrists on the table so that you can't move them in the cath lab.
• Those would work great if you weren't awake in the cath lab.
• I screamed in the cath lab when they clamped the drape to my stomach skin before they cathed my heart in the cath lab because I was FUCKING AWAKE.
• When the little Italian Dr walked up to my right side to start the procedure in the Cath lab I mentioned I was awake and even said he didn't need to cath my heart because if I had a heart condition I would be having a FUCKING HEART ATTACK SINCE I WAS FUCKING AWAKE IN THE CATH LAB.
• I felt the Dr grab up a chunk of my groin near my lovely lady bump and I said hey baby I been telling your people I am wide freaking awake here, please don't cut me I can feel everything.
• then he cut me and I was wide awake.
• The clear plastic things to hold your arms down probably sounded like a good idea in theory.
• The Dr screamed, " She's got me"
• The nurse screamed it's not sterile.
• The anesthesiologist said, "wait, she's awake"
• No fucking shit home pickle.  I hope the heart Dr punched the anesthesiologist in the dick.  
• Right after he took the frozen peas off his popped nut.
• I hope he already has kids, if not, sorry man, but you shouldn't cut a bitches groin until she is knocked out.  That hurts. mkay?
• I lived. I'm home. Surgery was on my daughter Sam-I-am's Birthday, then she Graduated from her University on Friday,  ( of course I went, it totally rhymes with complete bedrest)  
• Droid has restricted my online time, yet still wants clean clothes and food,  I can type from bed...  somethings seriously wrong with this picture.

That's it.  Now you know.  Thanks to all who loved up on me and my bruised groin and shit.....  you rock.

XO

PEACH OUT

**********************************************

Here are some of the get well posts/cards I have gotten, thanks guys, ya rock.

JC Little of @littleanimation  http://www.theanimatedwoman.com/2011/05/hearts4peachy.html

Absence of Alternatives of @SubWow
http://absenceofalternatives.com/2011/05/a-love-song-for-sandi.html

The ReckMonster of @ReckMonster  http://michellelcsw.blogspot.com/2011/05/quick-peachy-shout-out.html

Vicki of @VickiLikesFrogs  http://www.theglitterfrog.com/2011/05/get-well-soon-sandi.html

Holly of @MidWesternMamaH http://www.midwesternmamah.com/2011/05/for-fellow-blogger-prayers-postitive.html

LIVING WITH A TRANSFORMER- also this makes me hotter.

The first 5 years my husband and I were married my husband got confused with a TV star A LOT.  Especially by foreign people for some reason.
It confused me at first because I totally didn't get it but then when I found out which TV star I was like OH !
Then I fell down laughing my ass off because he was convinced it was Harrison Ford or the pre-abusive Mel Gibson.  This is who everyone from another country that met us said my husband  the first 5 years we were married looked exactly like-

slipper on, slipper off, OH big Movie Star !


Then we moved to Florida and he finally let me give him a makeover and then everyone said OMG you look just like

It probably didn't help we had a menacing kid named D with blonde hair.

Then he just kind of  become the Droid.   Because he burned out his emotion chip and has the social interaction skills of a piece of driftwood combined with the fashion sense of a 3 year old and the dance skills of a rubber band. Our last name is synonymous with science fiction and he is an ubber geek.  Meaning, he is functional, intelligent,  reliable, but basically void of any human emotions or interaction.  So he is  "The Droid" and has been for quite a few years.  

I can not compute this human interaction you exhibit.


Then yesterday he woke up "odd"  and when your nickname is "Droid" and you wake up "odd" people get really freaking scared.   I understand the magnetic poles are shifting and they are having to change our astrological signs and re number run ways and shit but come on,  do NOT fuck with my man ok?  

He went from Droid
to
 UBBER DICK HEAD PRIME
TRANSFORMERY DECEPTICON THING
Yeah I know right?
 DOUBLE DOUCE WTF?  

But we were in the car and I had my phone and snagged some pics of the situation.

I think the camera was like his transformer antenna thing or whatever
but more importantly here was my reaction.

Yes I was freaked out at first but then I realized in this scenario I would become this chick

and lets face it, that shit right there, makes me pretty fucking hot. But I would still be married to a supper Ubber Dick Decepticon Transformer Former Droid Dennis The Menace Dad  Mr Rogers Dude.

Then I remembered, by being the chick above I would also be the chick below.

and face it yall.  There really isn't much shit hotter in the Universe then an Amazon Princess with an invisible Airplane and Lasso of Truth that has kick ass golden bracelets.  So I can totally control my situation and probably help the earth too.  While I am so fucking hot everyone around me needs to wear asbestos panties because I am so SO FUCKING HOT.  Did I mention I'm fucking hot?


XO
PEACH OUT