Churches and Squirrels

There were four country churches in a small Texas town;


The Baptist Church ,
The Methodist Church ,
The Catholic Church,
& The Jewish Synagogue.

Each church & Synagogue was overrun with pesky squirrels.

In The Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided

to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were

twice as many there the next week.

The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation.

So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the

squirrels were back.

But - The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution.They baptized the squirrels and

 registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas & Easter.

Not much was heard about the Jewish Synagogue, but they took one squirrel and had a short service with him

called circumcision and they haven't seen a squirrel on the property since.

xo

PEACH OUT

Making my Daddy an eye appointment

My Daddy sent this to me and it's just too freaking funny not to share.

Enjoy.

Forgot my glasses ...

Yesterday my daughter asked why I didn't do something useful with my time.
She suggested I go down to the senior centre and hang out with the guys.

I did this and when I got home last night I told her that I had joined a parachute club.

She said "Are you nuts?
You're almost 76 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"

I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.

She said to me, "You idiot, where are your
glasses!

This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!"

I'm in trouble again and don't know what to do!
I signed up for five jumps a week!

Life as a senior citizen is not
getting any easier.




*********************************************

Red -v- Blue

A story about a coyote in California: BLUE

The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature

trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites the

Governor. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie

"Bambi" and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only

doing what is natural. 

He calls animal control Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the

State $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it. 

He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the

State  $200 testing it for diseases.

The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for

diseases  from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.

The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game

conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of

dangerous animals.

The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a

"coyote awareness program" for residents of the area.

The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better

treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout

the world.

 The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The

State spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional

special training re: the nature of coyotes.

 PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit

against the State.

Texas-  RED 

The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature

trail. A Coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.

1. The Governor shoots the coyote with his State-issued pistol and

keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a ..45 hollow point

cartridge.

 2. The Buzzards eat the dead coyote.

Hrmmm....  that was easy.

have a great weekend y'all !

xo

PEACH OUT

Dry Hump Day

Happy Dry Hump Day yall

I got 2 awards yesterday.  Both from guys?  Dig that.  

1 from Oil Field Trash at  http://make-daddy-a-sammich.blogspot.com

and the other from

@Grocery_Dad  at  http://grocerydad.blogspot.com/

As usual I suck and fail and have a high rate at losing these things I will slap them up in the trophey case over at http://www.beingpeachy.com  Thanks guys, YOU ROCK.

Here's your Dry Hump Day Chuckles.

********************************

A man was sitting on the porch with his wife and he says "I love you."

She asks "Is that you or the beer talking?"

He replies,  "It's me.......talking to the beer."”

**************************************

*****************************************************************

Enjoy 

XO

PEACH OUT

I'm in the Quarter getting drunk.

Since I am in NOLA getting drunk right now. ( wearing smoking hawt bling from my Cobra Sistah Reckmonster and hanging out with some awesome peeps) I thought I should give you a shout out to the natives of the great state.

A good ole Louisiana boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing.  He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says, "What you gonna do with that.  There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 5 0 miles of here."  He says, "I won it and I'm a gonna keep it."

His brother came over to visit several days later.  He sees the wife and asks where his brother is.  She says, "He's out there in his bass boat", pointing to the field behind the house. 

The brother heads out behind the house and sees his brother sitting in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand down in the middle of a big field.  He yells out to him, "What are you doing?" 

His brother replies, "I'm fishin.  What does it look like I'm a doing."

His brother yells, "It's people like you that give people from Louisiana a bad name, makin everybody think we is stupid.  If I could swim, I'd come out there and whip your butt!"

OH yeah you have to love dis.....

Take it easy and love the weekend.

xo

PEACH OUT

  

email from Daddy

My Dad is 77.  He also forwards and insane amount of email to hundreds of victims friend daily.

Snopes can not begin to process the chain mail, political stuff, and often leaning towards the "damn daddy, is there anyone you don't feel like you should offend?"  direction.

Boudreaux suddenly quit drinkin',  quit chasin' women,  and quit his poker games.  He started  to take da bath, cuttin' de grass around de church, even painted it and was faithful to be first to attend on Sundays!

Father Thibodeaux axe'd him what about dis wonderful change that had done overtook him.  Boudreaux explained, "I heard "Crisis in the Gulf" and if he’s dat close,  I wanna to be good to go!”