I will cut a bitch

DON'T   TOUCH   MY   DAMN   PIE ! 

I make stellar deserts, cakes, chocolates, candies, cookies, pies.  I'm really awesome.  I make them for people who need a pick me up.  I make them for birthdays, favors and gifts.

Sometimes I make a cake or pie for no special reason other than the wonderful smell and the fact I know someone will smile when I offer them a piece ( or 2).

One of the best parts of making pies, is sharing them.  I love to share my pies.  I will share an entire pie, not even keeping a slice for myself.  It's easy for me to make a pie, maybe not so easy for them.

However.   I will not have anyone  break into my house and steal my pie or even a piece of it.  I will stab them with a batter beater, or shoot them with a deadly spit ball fired at lightening speed.  

Seriously,  I will make pies if I have ingredients and time and skill,  and I will give them to family, friends, strangers and give the whole pie or the last slice.  But don't fucking tell me who get's my pie.  

If you can see the logic behind the above Pie story.  I hope with all my heart you understand exactly what is happening in our country.

You work for the money to buy the ingredients,   you work to bake the pie, and then, in front of your face, a stranger will walk in and take then entire damn pie.

It could be a murderer or a drug dealer, or a construction worker turned rouge burglar since jobs are short, and frankly just walking in my house and taking the pie without permission is a helluva lot easier than  carrying a kabillion tons of shingles up and down a ladder in the blazing sun.  Stealing the pie so much easier.

So we change the law so that it's no longer illegal to break and enter if you are only burgling pies. Because honestly everyone,  everyone deserves a pie,  what kind of monster thinks that they deserve a pie and someone else doesn't?   My god think of the children who have no pie.  it's in the damn constitution,  equal pie for everyone.  ( except for the bitch who made it)...

I'm too tired to fight, and can't stand the constant going without once my pies are stolen.  It's hard work,  I mean it costs money for the ingredients so we have to work, and then I have to shop, oh how I hate walmart.  Then making and cooking the pie, and the dishes oi vay!  I hate dishes.   Plus I have been making all these pies and all these people are taking them since it's legal and they deserve pies so my family hasn't actually gotten to eat a pie in months.  It seems like everyone has pie all the time, except us, no matter how many I bake.

Eventually all the other pie makers will become unhappy that they forgot what pie tastes like even if they bake 15 a day...  So slowly, one by one..  We each stop making pies.

OMG it's so awesome.   Since we stopped making pies,  I have been able to walk in and just take a pie from a stranger.  It's so awesome, so easy, and costs nothing.   WHY THE HELL HAVE I BEEN BAKING ALL THESE PIES FOR YEARS..

I was so stupid, I will never make a pie again, making pies is for pie suckers !  hahahah.  suckers...

( I hope they don't all wise up and stop,  but they probably will, because they are evil and don't care about all of us that have a right to a pie...   but I'm sure the Government will make sure we all get out pies from somewhere,  and it won't cost anyone anything.

it's like pie- fucking- magic....   free pie fucking magic.

Awesome.  I'm sure this will work out just fine.

xoxo
PEACH OUT

ah dry hump day...

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'

'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'

BADABING BADABOOM AND ZOOM !

Now for some visual funnies my friend Gail emailed me.

( So I have no clue where they came from, but they aren't mine)

I thought of you...

You need to realize I have this INSANE freaking phobia about public restrooms. 

 Which is just ONE of the 3 million and three reasons I should not have been allowed to have children.  Those little screaming heckling crotch fruits ( Holly's word)  will have to go in EVERY SINGLE ONE you ever pass or come within 25 miles of and the dirtier the better.

So Friday  I had to do fasting blood work for Dr Kavorkian.  When I finally finished I ordered a double protein strawberry mango banana smoothie which is apparently smoothie talk for laxative.  ( TMI? shut up there's a reason).

I have to of course face my fears and go into a public restroom on the military base who apparently can march in order and shoot a  non existent WMD from 500 miles but CAN NOT hit a toilet.

So after I did the Lysol, germ ex, bleach, rubber gloves haz-mat suit pre-qualification requirements for me to go in there ( all of which I took from their store shelves)  I hovered like a military chanook and then I noticed it.

Pants around my knees wearing yellow rubber dish gloves,  breathing in a paper bag,  and trying to go to my mental happy place,  I thought of you. ( touched right?) 

I saw the item below, neatly, cleanly, and more important, sterile, hanging on the wall.

In one gianormous swoop of genius it all became clear ! 

If they had these in stores and malls and restaurants people could strap in their precious snowflake ( DNA muddle puddle spuddle, )  in a sound proof booth and go on about their business without subjecting me to their freaking loud brats adorable children, or their eddie bower Humvee strollers, or more importantly their nearly always infectious bundles of joy that are drooling, coughing, sneezing and shitting with every breath.

It looks like a hard plastic and therefore hose-able jump seat.  which leads me to believe they could be welded to the OUTSIDE of all commercial flights?

and somehow this all made me think of you,  you're welcome.

xo

PEACH OUT

* I dedicate this post to the person who hates blogs that aren't funny, post about poop, and posts about children, she totally knows who she is. That's all I got to say about that.

Holiday Break ups are stupid

I am not sure about the Northern Ladies but all southern girls know that timing is everything.
Especially in relationships.

For example you never break up with your man within 1 month of your birthday, valentines day or the mother of all mothers,  The Christmas / New Years double whammy combo.


The below is an adaption by me of what recently took place scrolling across my wall as 2 of my friends did a very public break up, which made all of their friends sit back in disbelief of how non intelligent they both look doing this.  Actually they are both smart but apparently when you break up and do it publicly you can't help but look like a MONDO COSTCO sized idiot.  It simply had to be re-enacted.




You are welcome.  Have a good Monday.



xo
PEACH OUT

Smacktastic Spam

I get more spam than those cruise ship passengers on the Carnival Spamder.  I usually just hit the delete and I am lucky enough to be sleeping with the system administrator god of all geek for my ISP. ( its my husband and by sleep with I mean actually sleep with not anything more than that because really I am far too lazy for smexy time)

This weekend I was feeling a tad froggy because I spent a week attempting to kill my liver with nyquil liquid caps washed back with hot toddies.  ( click here for that story)

When I popped over to my blog email and found I had an amazing 123 emails waiting.
30% is random bullshit smack talk interaction with my blog buddies.
20% is actually people emailing for non advice, or a personal comment on my blogs they were too nervous to share
less than 1% is insane business  proposals that are legitimate although quite insane because I don't want my blog turned into a diaper and tampon pimping place.
greater than 49% is spam.
( I totally couldn't use the < and >  because I could NOT remember which meant what so damn it I am like Barbie this morning "math is hard"

anyway here's one that happened over the weekend when I was doped up on nyquil and sick of being sick.

FROM THEM TO ME-

Dear Sir,

My name is Diipak Gupta, and I am the CEO of iSilkRoute Software Technologies. I was just browsing your blog and was wondering if you had considered outsourcing blog management. Blogs need more maintenance than most would fathom and this is why you should consider outsourcing your Blog management to a professional.

It is very much possible to manage your blogs yourselves. But it become very much time consuming. Whether you blog individually or for a company, there is only one goal of a blog – To be more visitors. If you are not a social networking specialist you should understand that your lack of knowledge could very well harm your blog. Getting visitors can be easy in case you can handle SEO (to get search engine traffic) and internet marketing (social media tools). Also you need to update your website quite often. Blogs demand constant upgrading not only weekly but on a daily basis. Updating your blogs can aid with the expansion of your website as well as internet users being able to find your website more easily through search rankings within the major search engines. This can be very stressful to maintain on your own.

A virtual assistant can aid with increasing the time spent with your family while giving you peace of mind that things are getting done in the office. By outsourcing your social media marketing, you do not have to invest in time and money for learning the tools and technologies involved in marketing your business in social media. Outsourcing social media to a knowledgeable company means that they will handle the ins and outs of the different social networks in terms of selecting the ones that will be best for you, finding the right contacts, spreading your message, and monitoring your brand using the various tools that are available.

You just need to provide creative inputs and may invest time in directing the efforts of virtual assistant. Since most of the social media activities that you outsource will be public knowledge, it will be easy for you to observe what we are doing and see how it benefits your company. Also, this does not cost much, you can hire a virtual assistant at $5 per hour. No upfront investment is required and you can test the system out before actually incorporating it into your long term strategy.

What kinds of blogs can be outsourced?

Here are a few examples of "outsourceable" blogs:
•    Blogs that aggregate daily/weekly news
•    Blogs that review gadgets, books, movies
•    Blogs that complement a website
•    Blogs that analyze trends
•    Niche blogs such as health content, tech advice, parenting tips etc

We, at iSilkRoute Software Technologies, propose to explore the opportunity with you as a technology partner by providing you eLearning platform. We intend to meet your current and future requirements. If you are already associated with us, request you to please ignore this mail.

We are looking forward to establish long term association with you. Please feel free to contact us on numbers below.

Yours Sincerely

TEAM ISILKROUTE
DELHI, INDIA

. 

FROM ME TO THEM

Dear Non Gender Specific Team;

          Thank you for your email.   I have to say I am very impressed.   First you identify me as a "sir" even though all my websites and writing and photos clearly show that I am a female and you said you checked me out.  Is it because I had my mustache waxed prior to my photo shoots that's confusing you?  If I had more hair on my face would you think I was indeed woman?  It's probably the lipstick and eye liner that's making you think I am a "Sir".    My fault.  But I have total proof I am of the female persuasion  however in order for me to prove it I will need at least 2 of the credit cards you have on file along with the DOB and social security numbers of the people named on those cards.  I must be able to verify you are indeed actual people and over the legal age of 21 prior to sending any visual proof.  Sorry we have these crazy ass laws in the United States that make it that way so send that in.   

          After that I will probably go ahead and hire you even though you want to be hired to be an editor of my blogs and you actually have worse technical writing than I do.  That is indeed shocking.  Not to mention you can't throw around southern colloquialisms  and chances are we will disagree politically and all that jazz. I am totally willing to over look all this because today is my day and in turn it's your day.

        In an unimaginable stroke of luck I was just contacted by a very very rich widow in your country and she needs MY help.  She is willing to compensate me with boatloads of cash once I send her my banking information and I will be rolling in the dough and will want to hire someone like you.

       I have a counter proposal.  I would like to just cut out the middle man.  Me.  You go ahead and help this rich widow chick by sending her your banking info.  Then consider yourself paid by me and go ahead and work for me forever.  Obviously you will be over paid because you can't possibly charge that much to manage and edit 5 blogs  in poor English I do it for next to nothing.  The overpayment I am offering comes with strings attached.  Here are the additional services I require.

      I need a maid, in fact give me two.  I also need a chaffer, a butler, a chef, a pasty chef, a bartender.  A genius and manly manny for my kid would be nice also.  Then I need a masseur,  a personal assistant, a secretary and receptionist.  A couple landscapers and a pool boy will also be needed.  I think the would balance out the ratio of men and women under our employee not just pleasing me but also my husband.  They need to all be highly intelligent, and extremely good looking, that's probably more important.   As much as they are going to be paid by me giving you that widows money I would like my own set of Doctors too.  It will be so nice to have them on staff instead of having to go and see them because all my Doctors here already have names like yours so I am sure you will have no problems finding a team of specialists to work for me.  This still leaves me with a massive over payment according to the widows email so here's what I am thinking.   I really like that Ballywood Dance stuff.  So if you could send me a team of Dancers that have one or two routines for me to watch a week that would be awesome.  After all this just keep the rest for a tip.  Wait, I have a crappy minivan so go ahead and buy me a couple awesome vehicles like a Rolls Royce and Jaguar, have your people fly over with them and handle all that customs crap.  Don't argue you work for me now. Please warn my staff I will be changing all of their names to things like  "Jeeves"  and "  Consulia "  because I can.  No one really believes you guys names are John and Peggy anyway so lets go a little  more " staffy" here .

    If I find out I need more help I will let you know, but for now this sounds like a pretty good deal for you, I am super nice like that.  So just go ahead and send me the needed info and I will start this ball rolling.

Thanks,

ThePeachy1

I am shocked they haven't gotten back with me, they are probably working out the financial stuff and interviewing my new staff.  It could take a while.

xo

PEACH OUT

Tuesday 4 Trevor

Today as you are making plans for Thanksgiving I need to borrow a second of your time.

Whether you are cringing at  bouncing from the thought of seeing all of the Holiday people I hope we might all take a second to put ourselves in these shoes.

There's a cool little guy named Trevor and here's the story.

If you read nothing else I write or nothing else anywhere today please take the time to read this.  Due to extremely grave circumstance with a friend of mine last year 2 states away I met a lovely lady named Heather via facebook but never in real life.  She worked with the husband of my friend, and reached out to him, his work, and my friends 3 children she had never met.  She is not a blogger but I can vouch for the year I have known her on FB that she is certainly an exceptional, human being.  She went above and beyond time and time again to go out of her way to help the family even though she had never met my friend or the kids.

Now in a horrible twist of fate I bring you Trevors story via his loving cousin Heather.

****************************

“My 12 year old cousin, Trevor B, is going to be having heart surgery on Nov 30^that UAB.  He began having issues last year while playing baseball and it was discovered that he has hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy .  It is  a very scary procedure and there is a chance that he will not make it.  If he does make it through the surgery he will be dealing with this for the rest of his life.

“Trevor will be in the hospital for quite some time (ICU for at least 7 days and another 7 days in a regular room at minimum).  I am getting up a care package for my cousin (Todd B) and Trevor’s mom (Terra).  I wanted to reach out to you guys first to ask that you pray for Trevor and his family in the coming weeks”

********************************************************

Ok people this means a 13 ( birthday)  year old boy whose adventure in this world  is just beginning is not only stuck in ICU isolated, far from home, loved ones and team mates but he is facing a life that will pretty much remove his love of participating in sports.

We know this world can suck, and bad things happen to good people and children become ill every day.  It’s not right it’s not fair, but there is nothing we can do about it usually.

This time you can.  I am asking, actually begging for you to send Trevor a card, if you have little kids let them make Trevor a card. If you can get your local High School Football, baseball or basket ball team to send a group card or picture with their autographs( which makes high schoolers feel super cool)  EVEN better.  If you have age appropriate books you are looking to get rid of,  or happen to know someone who is an athlete that would ROCK.

I fully understand that right now the economy is in the trash and a lot of people are living paycheck to paycheck. I would NEVER ask  anyone to do without to donate to someone they haven’t met.  But I do ask that if you can, even $1  would make a difference.  His parents costs to be near him 24/7 are approaching $1500 a week, and the type of parents Trevor has are a blessing because they are THOSE type of parents that wouldn’t leave little guy alone even if it met sleeping in the bushes to do it.

I have 380+  Twitter Followers,   1290 Face Book Friends,  and between the 2 blogs I am guessing around 500 visitors a week.  If each one of you sends just $1  and just 1/2 of you send a card. Imagine the support and love Trevor and his family would receive.  I have watched the internet and social media do so much good for so many people.

If you can’t swing a card, a minimal donation or a small token, I understand, if this is your case I ask you to get with your higher power whatever it is, and send good thoughts to Trevor.  If you can think of him during your Thanksgiving supper and send out a silent thought that’s fine, it will make a difference.

I have never met Trevor. Clearly that is my loss, the more I learn the more I find out what an awesome little guy he is.

Mail everything to  his Cousin, Heather, she will be handling the mail and taking bundles over. I say bundles because I am optimistic that social media will indeed come through.  I am not a power blogger or a famous person.  I am just a chick thankful she was able to enjoy her youth and make huge mistakes and live on the edge, who turned into a Mom even more thankful, it’s not my 3 kids in there, with my world on it’s head scrambling as my heart breaks to let my child know he is loved and does matter and so many people care.

If you can donate anything even $1.00 like I said before it will be so appreciated by those that know and love him and of course by me more than you will ever know.

Last year my little Prince was 8,  he told me to use the money I saved up for his Christmas to go help my friend.  He said he had his mom and dad for Christmas my friends kids didn’t.  This year he wants to pay it forward to Trevor.  Yes my 9 year old informed me today even though he only asked for 2 things for Christmas to either give them the money I would have spent on one of those or to send the gift to Trevor.   I spend every day in awe of my Prince who 10 Dr’s said would probably never survive, who was supposed to stay in NICU for months on end, who shows more compassion, understanding and humanity than most adults I have ever met.

If you are a blogger and willing to participate in a blog post for Trevor please let me know via email  beingpeachy@gmail.com

*********************************************

You can click on the paypal secure link below to do a donation to help with costs associated with Trevors hospitalization.

From the bottom of my heart I thank you for reading along and hope you are moved to reach out with whatever you are comfortable doing.

xo

PEACH OUT

If you can help financially this is the PayPal that has been set up to help.

.

 

To send cards, photos and other great ideas to

TREAVOR

c/o  Heather Hendrix

942 Lee Road 374

Valley AL 36854

Thanks again. You people are  AWESOME !!!

4 Trevor !!!!!!!!!!!

I will have a page 4 Trevor will stay on my site until the new year, please link to it or copy it or tweet/share/ whatever lets get the word out and make a difference. Click here to get the link to the permanent  page

Vote - or don't maybe.

Dude that title has nothing to do with the post, haha,  see there.  BAM I totally got you thinking I was going to write something political.  Face it,  every politician is a corrupt dirt bag and we are just voting for what we hope is the lessor of the evils.   But really go vote today because if you don't well then you can't bitch and moan and we all know how the internet was built for  people to sit around with 1/2 information and just bitch and moan.  Then your blog and facebook would turn into recipes and  music reviews because you really couldn't talk about shit since you didn't vote.

Exemption rule-  if you are completely uneducated about the candidates except for what you read on a a political website, saw fly across your twitter feed, or were only exposed to main stream media.  Do NOT go out and vote.  I would prefer anyone taking on that responsibility actually had a clue as to what they were doing. So stay home or spend the day at Star bucks figuring out what drink sounds the coolest to order but for the love of baby cheeses don't step into the polling booth.

Crap, this post turned into a voting post.  Shit it was supposed to be about my awesome friends and stuff I suck so hard electrolux called and wants to know my secrets.

Sorry. I did a political post completely by accident.  I swore off politics and religion long ago when I realized both were so corrupt yet amazingly pious. 

If it's any consultation I have been doing a lot of guest posting lately, this means my drivel is spreading across the web like that Ebola in Out break.  Which I guess makes me the monkey.  Wait what political party is the monkey. Shit.  Now I probably shouldn't vote.




xo


PEACH OUT

just KILL me now please.

I hate bugs.   No seriously I freaking HATE bugs.  I had to look at thousands of their pictures. I had to hot glue the decaying falling apart stinking bug bodies to a board.

Fair Exhibit People-  this is NOT freaking cool.  You did this just to push me over the ledge I have been balancing on so delicately for so many years.

For the love of my son and the fact I made a commitment/promise to him that he would get to do this project I suffered unmentionable mental and physical torture.

It's super hard to type while breathing in this paper bag while making grain alcohol in pantyhose with toilet water.
I am fumbling with the phone and pushing #3 for mental health.  

I have to go and soak in more bleach, because I just thought about when the Banana Spiders leg moved as I was jabbing a pin in it's body.

I would rather rake my crotch across broken glass riddled red hot coals while jabbing razor blades under my finger nails and  soak my tongue in boiling hot lava while digging out my eyes with a spoon then EVER look at another bug.

So here,  join in my pain.

I have to go the people with the white coats are going to be here soon and I need to go bleach myself one more time.

xo
PEACH OUT

Good News for Radio Shack !

I have been working with the FBI over the past few days but I did NOT put that GPS on Yasir Afifi  car.  


If you look at the pictures of that thing it looks like ( a bad ass sex toy) some type of 1960 James Bond type shit.  Hardly the modern high tech stuff I would hope our FBI would have access to.

This thing just needs a sexy toy name.  Photo: Reddit.com 

Why do we even need these devices anymore?  


4 Square,  Facebook,  twitter locations, and the biggest ever Big Brother- On Star.


My 9 year old can find anyone, their personal history, tax records,  credit score, who they went to kindergarten with, and the color of the undergarments they wore on last Tuesday at 3pm EST.


So FBI,  don't waste your $29.95 out of my tax dollars at radio shack on the clearance isle.  Please.  Just pick up the phone and ask me, I will ask my kid to stop playing xbox and solve your problems.


Or you can shoot me an electronic message using your fancy new technologically advanced computer that fits in just 1 room.

Al Gore invented something called the internet, give it a try.

PEACH OUT 

Send help

I am so sorry you guys, I can't possibly right, draw, scratch out, write a post today.  I am tramatized.  I accidentally watched a horrific train wreck of a movie with a creepy factor of  way the hell over 10.  Unfortunately I didn't turn it off, and I ended up being forced by some hypnotic movie curse to see...

remember Mork? Jack? Patch Adams?


Yeah I totally saw his man junk .. I am going to need a serious shit ton of therapy.

By therapy I mean vodka, and chocolate.

Sorry guys I have to run to the liquor store therapist  so just be glad you aren't me today.

Read about the horror as it happened at http://www.beingpeachy.com/2010/09/23/fun-with-facebook-friends-the-dork-of-mork/

I don't own enough bleach to get rid of this..

  The past 5 days of my life have been such an outrageous roller coaster I could sell tickets and mouse ears.

I am so tired y'all that it seems like I am living in a musical. 

So if "SweeneyTodd" was being chased by the " Phantom of the Opera" in downtown "Chicago" and bumped into "Billy Elliot" who was holding some "CATS" with long "Hair" then cut a quick left and dodged into the  "Moulin Rouge"  so they could blend in by dancing to a "Fiddler on the Roof" and enjoying a reheated plate of "Spam"(a lot)  it would be a " Wicked " situation.


But I am not in Broadway, because that's far too cool and cultured for me. (By cultured I mean the last time I went to Broadway a homeless women beat me with her cane for standing in the doorway that was apparently her home.)


To my friends who have spent the last 5 days, listening to the drama, been there, stood back, jumped in, been subjected to and put up with,  this UTTER FREAKING insanity that consumed my life these past few days.

I can only say, in from the most sincere place in my heart. Thank you.


xo
PEACH OUT

why I want to win

http://www.babble.com/mom/work-family/top-50-twitter-moms-nominate-favorites/index.aspx

10 Reasons I want to win this contest
( and by win I totally mean anything above placing  250th out of 252 entries)
                                            

1. When they did the editors top 50 pick, there were some monumental people on there.  People who have been on Opra, Today Show, GMA, Martha Stewart, and The View.  I sat in awe thinking damn I will never been in a group of people like that.  All in all it's probably a good thing I wasn't on that " super star I shit skittles" editors pick list.  Then I thought shit, if I was, my shirt would pop open, pantyhose would run, contact would fall out and I would trip getting to the set.   I fall a LOT, it's never pretty. Gum would fly out of my mouth and get stuck in the hair of the news person interviewing me or my satalitte connection would be so bad I would have that dreaded dead air of doom shit going on. Also I don't kiss ass well, so chances are I would call someone a stupid shitard with the personality depth of a eye dropper. There would also be a greater than zero probability of a wardrobe malfunction that would make Janet Jackson's incident look like something off the wiggles.

2- Then late Thursday Afternoon I found out I had been nominated for the Peoples Choice version of the top 50.  By Holly at MidWesternMamah.  I was ranked 138 but still honored there were around 185 nominees.  Without realizing I only had 1 vote a day I voted for someone other than myself. Why?  Because they are a better writer.  But within 4 hours I moved into the top 30.  


3- This is the top 50 Moms on Twitter-  but there are a couple dudes ahead of me. ( although I love their blogs and tweets) . They do not now nor ever have been is possession of a Uterus and are not to my knowledge a "Mom" ( even though they are pretty kick ass Dads), so that's kind of a kick in the throat, considering I get PMS, cramps, and had 3 kids which kind of means I am indeed a "MOM". Including the 58 days I laid in the hospital in labor with a pump in my leg and my stomach looking like a Randall McNally road map from all the scars. I don't mind, other than it's a 50 awesome MOMS of Twitter contest, and I am pretty sure they are implying you should indeed leave the penis at the door and know the drama of a breast pump or tampon. Kind of embarrassing to all us actual MOMs to get our child birthing asses handed to us by a dude.

4- You know how every year at homecoming there are the 4 super popular girls that win everything and they are shoe ins for Home Comming Court. Then out of the blue pops the one that represents the majority, the average chick, aka the sacrificial lamb put forth to triumph forever in the halls of average people shame or fame.  That's me.  I am You, the every girl. No fame. No Pride just me. Honestly I would pick the hall of fame instead of Hall of Shame so please vote for me.

5- Every day I plunk out a minimum of 2 blogs,  1- BeingPeachy the cheery side ( where my server crashed today, perfect fucking timing thank you. ) and 2- The Pits the down to earth and possibly NSFW side( where you are at right this second).  I guest post a couple times a month when asked by other bloggers, and always try to support the newer people, because well, that's how I roll. Some people write 1 article a week and tweet it over and over, and fb post it over and over, and you wonder.  "Self, are they writing somewhere else or did they forget their log in passwords to admin".  On the same token I am a big fan of quality -vs- quantity, especially when it comes to twitter followers.  But I always try to bring it in almost every post.

6-I seriously need an auto glass repair/replacement sponsor. I am willing to pretty much pimp myself and my blogs  out like a $5 crackwhore to get my minivans windshield repaired after the #kayakincident  that happened at the end of the #infamouscampingtripof2010.  ( click here if you need more info). ( but you can't click there because my friggin server is down right now) I can only think being near the top kabillion in this contest may be something I could put on the table with a marketing person thus giving me a fighting chance to at least get a tube of super glue. ( but probably not since my freaking server is down)

7- Y'all, I am just a dork, in yoga pants that are a size too small, with a pony tail, sitting in front of her broken and duct taped lap top, FREAKING BEGGING asking you to vote for her.

8-Me placing well would be a multi cultural victory sort of like if Benetton made a come back.  I am a redhead of scottish, irish, spanish and blackfoot Indian decent. Born in Thailand, and married a Choctaw/Cherokee indian and between us we produced blonde haired blue eyed children. For shit sakes yall I should just change my name to America because I am a genetic melting pot.

9-I don't use 4 square,  shred heads, couch to 5k or blip fm on my twitter.  This fact alone should catapault me into the top 25 because if people use these things no matter how much I love them. I don't care that they have the most check ins at Yougart Kingdom or they ran 3 miles that day and it felt great.   Honestly do I tweet lazyboy2potty posts?  No.  If I tweet that I ran, you can bet there was a fire, a sale or a police chase, otherwise I am not running and definitely not tweeting it. I also don't flood twitter with out of focus pictures of my dog, yard, a random snail or a fucking sunflower. Seriously people all sunflowers look alike, however all babies don't. Just saying.

10- Dear Mr. Babble 50-, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Friday in voting for @IamThePeachy1 for whatever it was we did that brought us here. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...and an athlete...and a basket case..a princess...and a criminal.Does this make you want to vote? Sincerely yours, the Peachy1.



So that's it,  I didn't pull a pity card, I didn't name drop and I didn't offer odd favors.  Which is probably why I suck at politics.  I was however once elected to a small local community board to which I took great pride. Obviously they didn't do background checks either and they never accepted my nomination for people to thumb wrestle to settle huge debates. ( snotty politicians)


If I do by some fluke win ( or even come in the top 10 ) I make you these campaign promises.

1- a Chicken in every pot
2- No new taxes
3- All my meetings will be broadcast on CSPAN
4- Everyone will be able to see Russia ( or Mexico or Canada) from their backyard.
5- I will not have sexual relations with that woman.

Thanks for your time and possibly your vote.  You rock.

ThePeachy1