Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Great Cork Debate

I am noticing the weather cool a bit ( thank the gods).  After spending months and months in a friggin sauna disguised as a southern state, the thought of living in my oven on broil to cool down became logical.

Now the weather is cooling, we usually have 2 weeks at fall and 2 weeks at spring where we can air out the joint and leave the windows open for some of the day.    Air out such a simple term really,  like what you would do with a sports uniform or that car you had in the 80's that you had to "air out" prior to going home in case your parents had to get in it for some reason.

But my house,  "air out" bring an entirely new level of stank.

I live with the Price ( my 9 yr old),  the Droid ( my DH)  3 dogs and 1 cat.  We have a very large house that I built back when the 21 year old princess and 19 year old #1 son lived here.
Even though I can't keep this massive domicile clean ( because I am a redhead and allergic to cleaning)  I am grateful for the extra rooms.
 They are for storage.  Gaseous fumes storage.  We need to change our last name to  Flatulation or something.

There are some rooms in my house that are designated Natural Gas quarantine rooms, if you accidentally need something from that room you have to sign a legal waiver from my Insurance Company saying you wont sue for nasal damage or PTSD.  Yes it's that bad.

But what is worse than the Droid, The Prince and yes the occasionally rose scented air freshener fart from me, there lies the WOMD.  Weapons of Mass Destruction.

The dogs.  Every winter I fear their asses with turn into a gas powered perpetuation device.  To make it all worse the older dogs lay with their butts facing the fire place.  WHAT???  Can you say test fate?

So this year while I am airing out the  Recepci√≥n a la casa muy grande de la iglesia. .   I wonder if I should just cork up their butts before we light the fireplace this year.

I am leaning towards the belief that the insurance would not pay on the claim that a 9 yr old black lab blew up the family room and was jettisoned like Spock from Enterprise out of the brick wall on the other side of the house .    Option 2 involves me those pine tree air fresheners off of their tails.    I think the cork is probably the better idea.

Until then I will wear my utility belt of  air cleaners, disinfectants, and fresheners.  Wearing a SARS mask because I am too cheep to get a friggin ventilator gas mask.

Good luck, may your day be drastically decreased in your suffrage in the land of Nasty Mc Fartbutt



LarryLilly said...

Get them a catalytic convertor and stick it up their hinny's. Cut down on carbon dioxide, global warming and the depleting ozone layer.

Yeah, right.

Unknown said...

take it from one who learned the hard way... say NO to the cork... when those bitches blow (and the DO)someone looses an eye...

ThePeachy1 said...

valid comment Holly, I guess I will stick to my sars mask

Oilfield Trash said...

Great post and kudos for the Star Trek reference.