I invented a new dance style called "break falling" I posted pics of the interpretive dance over at Being Peachy ( click here). So I have this awesome deep purple sexy as hell bruise from my knee to the fat bulge on my hip but thankfully now it is turning that awesome skanky greenish color. Which means either my entire leg will fall off from rot or it's healing, not sure. Whatever.
I found out some super cool facts over my winter break and I find these facts to be all kinds of self evident.
1-I love having company that doesn't mind my filthy house
2-I love having a boat load of food on my bar from morning to night for people ( mainly me) to graze upon like a freaking cow in a pasture.
3-Pj's are very forgiving. Literally you can pack on 2-17 lbs in 2 weeks ( stop judging me assholes) and your Pj's will still love you, however your jeans will require crisco, shoe horns and a intricate pulley/ hoist system.
4- Fat people tie thier shoes in a manner to which the bows are on the inside of their shoes not on the perfect top, this is because they can't bend their freaking legs up high enough in their BobDamn unforgiving blue jeans.
5- If you don't make a 9 year old bathe, they will NEVER, EVER, just go, hrm I think I should take a bath.
6- I can no longer drink an entire bottle of vodka straight and party till the break of dawn, I will pass out in my chair in front of company who will then pose my passed out body and take pics of me looking like a walrus in reindeer pajamas that just flopped on shore.
7- You can make a kick ass dress out of wrapping paper and duct tape, also, your friend who wears one will ask if she can pose with any and all guns you own, since she is in the south.
8- We suck as southerners, all we own are BB guns
9- I have a young male relative who is in his 4th year of college on baseball scholarships that said he is taking Latin this last semester but doesn't know why since he has no clue where Latin is.
10- You should not facepalm after drinking a bottle of vodka and passing out in your chair drunk in front of company, no matter how ridiculous the freaking facebook status of your relative is.
|Christmas in the Southern Sticks YO!
also- totally not me, mine was worse.
So there ya go.
Like a bad rash, crusty penny, and stray cat.
I AM BACK
( don't forget to head over to BeingPeachy by clicking here to see my interpretive dance of "How I spent my Winter Vacation. Also if you follow me, I will follow you back, if I don't then you can force me to eat cheesecake and call me out on it in a public fashion)