Monday, January 3, 2011

NEVER FEED A STRAY CAT- They will just come back for more.

Wow, ok here I am again. My vacation was amazazazazing. I spent every day in my pj's. Don't worry people I showered and changed my pj's daily so nee nur.
I invented a new dance style called "break falling" I posted pics of the interpretive dance over at Being Peachy ( click here). So I have this awesome deep purple sexy as hell bruise from my knee to the fat bulge on my hip but thankfully now it is turning that awesome skanky greenish color. Which means either my entire leg will fall off from rot or it's healing, not sure. Whatever.

I found out some super cool facts over my winter break and I find these facts to be all kinds of self evident.

1-I love having company that doesn't mind my filthy house

2-I love having a boat load of food on my bar from morning to night for people ( mainly me) to graze upon like a freaking cow in a pasture.

3-Pj's are very forgiving. Literally you can pack on 2-17 lbs in 2 weeks ( stop judging me assholes) and your Pj's will still love you, however your jeans will require crisco, shoe horns and a intricate pulley/ hoist system.

4- Fat people tie thier shoes in a manner to which the bows are on the inside of their shoes not on the perfect top, this is because they can't bend their freaking legs up high enough in their BobDamn unforgiving blue jeans.

5- If you don't make a 9 year old bathe, they will NEVER, EVER, just go, hrm I think I should take a bath.

6- I can no longer drink an entire bottle of vodka straight and party till the break of dawn, I will pass out in my chair in front of company who will then pose my passed out body and take pics of me looking like a walrus in reindeer pajamas that just flopped on shore.

7- You can make a kick ass dress out of wrapping paper and duct tape, also, your friend who wears one will ask if she can pose with any and all guns you own, since she is in the south.

8- We suck as southerners, all we own are BB guns

9- I have a young male relative who is in his 4th year of college on baseball scholarships that said he is taking Latin this last semester but doesn't know why since he has no clue where Latin is.

10- You should not facepalm after drinking a bottle of vodka and passing out in your chair drunk in front of company, no matter how ridiculous the freaking facebook status of your relative is.

Christmas in the Southern Sticks YO!
also- totally not me, mine was worse.

So there ya go.

Like a bad rash, crusty penny, and stray cat.


( don't forget to head over to BeingPeachy by clicking here to see my interpretive dance of "How I spent my Winter Vacation.  Also if you follow me, I will follow you back, if I don't then you can force me to eat cheesecake and call me out on it in a public fashion)


Oilfield Trash said...

I have pictures of the dresses. I was impressed with the guns. lol

Irene said...

number 2 and 8 made me so happy!

ThePeachy1 said...

LOL Irene, I seriously hope the bad guys know that a BB gun will put your eye out, just watch " A Christmas Story".

Marie Nicole said...

Sounds like a lot of fun... kinda wished I had made the detour! :)

Miley said...

That picture of me is so HAWT!

Oh! and the droid is totally the one who started taking pictures of your passed out self. I just posed along with it.

Crayotic Ramblings said...

I don't know what's better, the hair, the dress, or the cast...

In any case, I am sure Joan Rivers would love it.

ThePeachy1 said...

Just realized I suck at blackmail, since I already released her pic I have nothing left. Well except for the dna she left here that I could plant at crime scene. OK I don't suck at blackmail after all.

Stacey said...

Sounds like you know how to have fun!

Anonymous said...

Now that is an ensemb you would only see in the South!!
Makes me miss home SOOO much.

pattypunker said...

if everyone would just start wearing pjs instead of jeans none of us would have to use crisco and pulleys. this is so simple people.

ThePeachy1 said...

truer words have never been spoken. Except I love vodka, I love cheesecake, I have cool friends, and it's not the pants that are making your ass look big baby, it's your ass. Ok so I get a boat load of truth around here, but seriously. I am really pulling for PJ awareness. But steering clear of all walmarts until this becomes the norm, just in case.

The Absence of Alternatives said...

Hmmm. I wonder who that hot babe in that HAWT wrapping paper dress is??!! ;-)

Oh, say it ain't so: "I can no longer drink an entire bottle of vodka straight and party till the break of dawn..." I was doing this in my 20s and my story that I am sticking to is that YES I CAN!

Say it with me peach, YES WE CAN!

We are going to do it when we party at Patty Punker's Kickass NYE party next time. :-)

Venom said...

...this is why I try to always pass out in my bedroom, with the door locked.

bitethebedbugs said...

number 2 is the reason I've always wanted to go on a cruise ship. The sea sickness has held me back. But what you've made me realize is that I can bring the the best part of the cruise ship to me with a constant buffet! thank you. I am kissing you in my head. It's pretty nice.