Friday, January 28, 2011

Implied Meaning- ThePeachyPit-a-Pedia

It appears that what we have here is a 

failure to communicate.

Pulling my hair does not mean grabbing 1 strand or a fistful from the top of my head.

It is quite clear that often i have some words/terms or colloquialisms  that are either original, geographical or just plain misunderstood.  Most of the time There are other times that I just don't make sense to anyone but me and my 32 other personalities

A long while back on Being Peachy I released the first edition of the "Peachy to English Dictionary". Words terms and phrases I invented or that were invented by myself or my daughter or my daddy.  Or at least I thought they were. 

Over the last year I have continued to add to each category thus building this into something completely insane  that is surely a huge contribution to society as a whole and the very future of mankind. 

There are 3 main categories-   Definitions,  Phrases and then Implied Meaning ( which includes southern speak) In many of the below  I am a result on a google search and I am not sure if this is a good or bad thing, but the Leo in me says,  " obviously it's all good baby".  


Epic Asshattednes- Ok so I didn’t invent this even though I had thought I did, but I do rank third and fourth in it on google for a few months so I might has well have invented it.  { Update I think I pretty much eat up the entire first page?}
Muffin Man- I know you all heard it when you were kids but it did not mean what I mean by it, therefore even though I didn’t invent the term I invented this definition and if you don’t know what I am talking about that sucks for you  here is a link to that information. You’re Welcome invoice is in the mail.
WereDroid –  this is all my daughter, I call my husband the droid because he is very smart, and yet amazingly void of most human emotions and social interaction skills.  He is hairy and so she calls him the WereDroid.  The perfect combo of a hairy werewolf and a droid.
AssFaceShitard – although you may have heard of both parts of this term unless used properly and in combo like this well then you haven’t met one of these. I totally invented it.
Ambidextraphibion - A person who can go adjust the water with their feet while in the shower or bathtub.
Hippopotwatamus –  this is when a female ( usually) is such a huge twat that you are left speechless and or so full of angry you kick teddybear hamsters like hacky sacks.
Tyrannosaurusbitch-  this is exactly what it sounds like. A gianormus fossil bitch. Again with the daughter it was invented the same day I invented the Hippotwatamus during our brainstorm of new names to call people. Yeah we are that cool.  ( also see BitchasaurousRex)
HerpaGunaSyphillCraibs - the daughter again. Explaining to her younger brother what he would catch if he bonked the little scuzzbucket he was dating.  ( I am paraphrasing to clean it up a bit.) Break it down and figure out how many VD’s oh I am so sorry young people STD’s are in that word. Pure Genius.
BOB -  sure you think it’s some guy that works as a greeter at walmart, but everytime I see the name Bob on someones shirt I bust out laughing.  Why you ask.  Because my friend KM invented it about 13 years ago. Not only is it a palindrome but more importantly it’s a acronym .  Wait for it..  Battery Operated Buddy.  You will never see any Bob in the same light.
StudleyDooRight-  A hot sexy guy with manners and chivalry and all that “help the damsel in distress”  stuff.   Could be a helpful Muffin Man with morals.
DingesKhan -  This is a usually a male who is such a freaking huge moron that he gets named after history that he probably doesn’t know but with a sprinkling of Dingus in there.
ClosetBabe-  this is a guy or girl ( I am not judgmental about your preference)  is so cute/hot/smexy/adorable/smokin  that you want to take them home and chain them in your closet.  Like your favorite pair of Pj’s they are right there waiting happily for you when you want them.  Be careful not to confuse Muffin Men with ClosetBabes, totally different. You want the muffin man to leave, you want to chain and lick the closetbabe. However a cloestbabe could turn into a muffin man.
Jizz Gurggler-  not to be confused with the old and nearly antiquated cum guzzler the jizz gurgler , is in the same family/species,  but is not a guzzler, just a gurgler.


The IQ of a _________ ( below are the common things I fill in the blank with )
Carrot,  Blade of Grass, Frog shit on a log, Popsicle stick in a toilet, hamster wheel, soggy toilet paper roll, used tampon, bowl of unset jello,  fetus.
The personality of a _________ ( below are the common things I fill in the blank with )
toilet tank, litter box, hippo shit, enema, piece of carbon paper, someone I would stab with a rusty spoon,  poached egg,  stinky sock.
That person is such a ____________( below are the common things I fill in the blank with )
lyinflatfootedguttersnake,  smacktastic wench,  AppleII,  DickHeadimusMaximus, snorkelneedingpitypoolswimmer,  rectumblister,   cracketysmacketyhobag,  oralfacialpedomite,

Douche-     do not need to use word bag or canoe or hat  because this is the simplified version and the other endings are implied.  example:
"every time I am around her I am like, "uh, your mans like a douche? " 

* Silent Stare* -  do not need to use the really?  wow?  ( in person)  because the silent stare is the simplified version of, " you need medical help"   or  " I can't speak right now as I am contemplating how you will die"

"Bunco" -  do not need to explain anything to your spouse, it is implied that this means you are going to bunco to get wasted,  it's understood,  this is the equivalent to guys poker night but with a lot more boobs and sex talk.

"medicinals" -  do not need to explain that you are not actually getting these from the drug store or dr,  it is implied they will come from a liquor store or still.  


When presented with a photo or heaven forbid in person the view of friends daughter in a wedding dress and she looks like a wilder beast got caught in a white silk trap  you say,
  " beautiful dress"     NOT -  OMG is that your husbands child? or did you get impregnated by a yeti? 

When presented with an ugly baby ( and there are ugly babies)  you have many options but most used is the 1 spouse option.  Meaning if only 1 spouse is with the baby you say,
" aww  he/she/it  must look just like the mommy/daddy/missing spouse"    not  "aww  he/she/it must look just like if a goat and a tele-tubbie bread, sorry about that try again?"

When you are confronted with someone you can not stand/tolerate and wish ill you say,
" well bless your pea pickin heart"   not " I want to stab your stupid ass with a spork and push you in a vat of lemon juice filled with zombie sharks that have lazor beams on their head so they can track you and slice you and then flip you around like a volley ball."
*  do not confuse this with  Bless your heart"  which literally means OMG you are so screwed .

When something happens you always thought was not only possible but indeed probable yet the person involved seem shocked since they have been living in denial,  such as a neighbor tells you a local kid who was always a rotten little rat but since he played sports all his nasty deeds were over looked gets popped with 32 charges in the next town for doing the things your town has been letting him get away with and your entire town is shocked, you say-

Ok that's enough for now, if I give you too much too fast your brain will "pop like a tick" ( another southern saying, that makes me quite barfy).   Plus I want some Tator Nuts and they close in 30 minutes.



Also this week I was honored to receive the "Stylish Blogger Award" from Sunny Sings the Blues and my Daughters Guest Post  here  at The Pits titled "Sam I am"  garnered the "LOL" award fromBran~Muffin.   Much thanks to both of them and the awards have been added to my award page  over at BeingPeachy ! Much Thanks Ladies.

also I hate it when this happens to me


Oilfield Trash said...

Holy fuck where do I begin.

First I WANT a copy of the book. No I NEED a copy of the book.

Second, Ms Miley is fired as my photoshop person and you are hired.

Third, congrats on the award.

Fourth, you are just too fucking funny. Really you are.

Marie Nicole said...

Last night I used a word I invented with my husband. Douchetard. He loved it. Slowly I am allowing my husband into my blog world. He's been feeling left out. But don't worry, he doesn't have my blog url. I email him the posts I deem "acceptable". But all this to say I am proud of having a word I qualify equivalent of yours. 1 word. Also has a variable "douchetardness" which he will never know I invented because of him. He does not need to know this.

Congrats on the MUCH deserved awards. You are brilliant (even if you didn't come up with douchetard, I know you'll claim it as so...)

ツ my cyber house rules said...

I want to learn your language, in hopes it'll help me avoid all the assfaceshitards in favor of the studleydooright or, better yet, a muffinman.
You are so clever and funny.

squatlo said...

Is your Peachy1 to English Dictionary available at Amazon?


Ma'am, you are funnier'n a puppy onna slip'n'slide!

I tried that closetbabe thing back when I was single, but when she got loose the police took my chloraform and made a big stink about the whole bondage thingie...
It's best if your closetbabe actually wants to be one.
Just sayin'...

Unknown said...

You cant beat Southern Speak no matter how hard you try!! I think that is why I love you so... you speak my language.

Irene said...

I plan on using this on a daily basis "well bless your pea pickin heart"thank you Peach

The Reckmonster said...

I've said it before - you are a fucking GENIUS! And the fact that you share your brilliance with the world (as evidenced by your willingness to enlighten the bonehead masses with definitions, translations and the like) makes you like Mudder Freakin Teresa too! =)