Wednesday, January 19, 2011

LIVING WITH A TRANSFORMER- also this makes me hotter.

The first 5 years my husband and I were married my husband got confused with a TV star A LOT.  Especially by foreign people for some reason.
It confused me at first because I totally didn't get it but then when I found out which TV star I was like OH !
Then I fell down laughing my ass off because he was convinced it was Harrison Ford or the pre-abusive Mel Gibson.  This is who everyone from another country that met us said my husband  the first 5 years we were married looked exactly like-
slipper on, slipper off, OH big Movie Star !

Then we moved to Florida and he finally let me give him a makeover and then everyone said OMG you look just like
It probably didn't help we had a menacing kid named D with blonde hair.

Then he just kind of  become the Droid.   Because he burned out his emotion chip and has the social interaction skills of a piece of driftwood combined with the fashion sense of a 3 year old and the dance skills of a rubber band. Our last name is synonymous with science fiction and he is an ubber geek.  Meaning, he is functional, intelligent,  reliable, but basically void of any human emotions or interaction.  So he is  "The Droid" and has been for quite a few years.  
I can not compute this human interaction you exhibit.

Then yesterday he woke up "odd"  and when your nickname is "Droid" and you wake up "odd" people get really freaking scared.   I understand the magnetic poles are shifting and they are having to change our astrological signs and re number run ways and shit but come on,  do NOT fuck with my man ok?  

He went from Droid

Yeah I know right?

But we were in the car and I had my phone and snagged some pics of the situation.

I think the camera was like his transformer antenna thing or whatever
but more importantly here was my reaction.

Yes I was freaked out at first but then I realized in this scenario I would become this chick

and lets face it, that shit right there, makes me pretty fucking hot. But I would still be married to a supper Ubber Dick Decepticon Transformer Former Droid Dennis The Menace Dad  Mr Rogers Dude.

Then I remembered, by being the chick above I would also be the chick below.

and face it yall.  There really isn't much shit hotter in the Universe then an Amazon Princess with an invisible Airplane and Lasso of Truth that has kick ass golden bracelets.  So I can totally control my situation and probably help the earth too.  While I am so fucking hot everyone around me needs to wear asbestos panties because I am so SO FUCKING HOT.  Did I mention I'm fucking hot?



Anonymous said...

What can I say? This whole post was HOT!!

Oilfield Trash said...

You forgot to mention her "super tits".

Oh and here is a little tidbit for you. My hometown back in Pennsylvania is also the home town of Mr Rogers.

Yes he was creepy back then as well.

ThePeachy1 said...

Oil Field Trash I think you meant MY super tits. But thanks I know coincidentally they are FUCKING HOT ALSO. ( in my husbands "weak ass if the glove don't fit defense" he's a great tolerant guy, with an iq bigger than my ass in metrics, and he had a sad military cut the first 5 years and bc glasses and his military issued sweater) also yesterday was a tad stressful with appointments. And then I rebooted him and he's fine.

Rachel said...

Everything you just wrote is completely eclipsed by the fact that I am not screaming WTF?!?! Megan Fox is Wonder Woman??? NO! Just NO! That is just ... wrong! Wonder Woman is an icon. I used to run around in my underoos and tiara pretending to be her. I am appalled, APPALLED, that they would cast Megan Can't Act My Way Out of a Paper Sack Fox as Wonder Woman.

In other news, when I got your pic yesterday, I was all Damn, that gives a whole new meaning to ass dialing.

ThePeachy1 said...

apparently now that I am the new WonderWoman it will all be ok Rachel. You can return to your underoos and tiara ( send pics) I mean after all I texted you a shot of my husbands phone crotch. sure I didn't explain but I thought it was really clear he was acting like a dick at the time. That's what friends do right? Hog tie Megan Fox and become Wonder Woman ? wait, was that the point? shit. I can't remember, don't I look good for a 41 year old brain damaged chick on the way to the dr being yelled at by her husband for taking pics of his crotch while he's driving and sending them to her friends?

Vinny C said...

If it were just the droid part, I would have suspected that you were my wife under an assumed identity. I burned out my emotion chip years ago.

While she is very easy on the eyes, I'm still pissed that she got the Wonder Woman role

Anonymous said...

Can I just RT Rachel?

Chunky Mama said...

Oh Peach, the comments are even better than the post!
"...then I rebooted him and he was ok..."

All of you are cracking me up.

@Rachel - I had the underoos too, and I am sad that M.F. is ruining Wonder Woman's good name.

Marie Nicole said...

So... lemme get this right. Someone here is super fuckin hot. Is it the Droid or You? Oh and send me that truth lasso, I need to whipsome bitch up.


my cyber house rules

Venom said...

WTH? When did Linda what's her face get replaced?
BTW - Droid was PROBABLY hoping you'd need to make a call...
He has the ringer set to vibrate, doesn't he?

squatlo said...

"I'm fucking hot!" (and humble too, right?)

gotta feel for the hubby, Peachyone, he's got a saint thing going I envy big time... 'cause I'd wanna kill my dearie if she had a blog.

On the other hand, those are the greenest eyes on Earth, so you'd probably get permission to write whatever the fuck you wanted to write... fine with me.

Love your work!

ThePeachy1 said...

To My lovely next life husband squalto ( I hope we don't come back as rocks). Uhm Me ( as in Megan fox) is fucking hot. Me as in really me with the fucked up pony tail and tongue hanging out getting yelled at for texting pics of her husbands crotch to her friends while he's driving her to the brain surgeon? yeah NOT so hot. LOL. But thanks for thinking I thought I was hot, because I was indeed hot at one point, when I lived in Florida because it was like elevntykabillion fucking degrees. So everyone was hot. Also he doesn't see this blog, he only really knows about the nice blog. BeingPeachy. and in general for the sake of world peace I do not speak of him or post pictures of his crotch.

squatlo said...

As one who is unsure of the concept of reincarnation, I'm not clear on how it works... I thought we "progressed" to a higher, more enlightened life form if we had good karma, did good deeds, lived a good, honest, respectful, Earth-loving life. In that case, coming back as a rock would be about right for yours truly.
You absolutely rock, dear woman. I hope your friends and neighbors realize how lucky they are. Hell, we're all lucky you take the time to share some of this with the rest of us!
Do carry on (as you will) and know I'm sending herds of degenerate misfits your direction.

The Reckmonster said...

I had this weird dream that someone thought something about Stella needing to get her groove back. Then I woke up and discovered, "Shit, it ain't back, was never GONE!" Emmmmer Efffing HILARIOUS post, Peachy! (that's my PG-13 talk). And yo - totally don't take this the wrong way, but your eyes are soooo wicked green (which is rad, by the way) - I immediately thought of that song, "She's just a devil woman..." by Cliff Richard:

BAHAHAHAHA! My captcha is "smshutyp"

The Reckmonster said...

And seriously - if you watch that video - CHECK OUT THE PACKAGE Cliff is sporting!

ThePittsofBeingPeachy said...

Dears ReckMonster- I can see you are sealing my fate with the eyes of the Alabama Government by implying I am indeed the devil, a battle to which I have been fighting for some time. Luckily I don't live there. But I can throw my empty liquor bottles at them. In light of the Blasphemous post today on your blog that featured a KICK ASS song, I hereby appoint you the re-incarnation stunt rock for poor squalto should I come back a cat turd.
Also white denim pants on men = truth in advertising. Thank you.

The Absence of Alternatives said...

Ok. I CAN see some resemblance between those pictures of you and Megan Fucking-cant-talk-intelligently-Fox.

Could I change the subject though because I am absolutely abhorred: Is she really going to be the next Wonder Woman?! Where have I been???!!! I am outraged. Seriously.